Page 40 | Childfree people ranting about parents

the7Vabo · 2023-02-22T09:59:58+00:00

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of. The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:25

Norwen · 26/02/2023 22:18

I think it is better to respond to what someone has actually said, rather than make assumptions about their intentions or "hidden arguments" and react to those. Otherwise you are having an argument with a straw man, a phantom constructed from your previous negative experiences. This thread originated with someone exploring the reasons why some groups of people identifying as child free online seem to be interested in criticising parents and parenthood. I think that an observation about someone making a neutral and true comment about parenting children being hard, and it immediately being taken as an attack with aggressive responses from several people to be really relevant to that theme. I don't think that it's unique to the parents vs child free struggle(!) it just seems to be something people do, put themselves in camps. It crushes authentic conversation.

Yes but what actually happened was someone said being childfree was hard

To which someone else responded actually it takes more effort to remain childfree than to have children i.e. the point of conception not their entire child's lifetime

To which a poster said but parenting children is harder than not having them

they weren't even responding to what the childfree person had actually said

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:26

BadNomad · 26/02/2023 22:21

Is this just another variation of that dumb "you don't know tiredness" statement?

Yes, having children is harder than not having them. But that doesn't mean not having children means life is easy.

That wasn't even the original argument. It was about effort. As in, it takes more effort to prevent pregnancy than to let it happen (fertility issues aside). Which is true. Therefore, not getting pregnant takes more effort than getting pregnant.

Yes, but it's about having children, which ultimately is more effort than not having children. I.e. practicing safe sex is less effort than looking after kids.

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:29

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:18

Childfree
But we don't want children because they are hard work, we don't think we would be a good parent, we like our life as it is

Parents
If you don't have children you will never know true love
Childfree women are self centred
You might change your mind
Children are the future you are selfish not to have one
Who will look after you in old age

Also parents
Having a child is so hard
you don't understand what tiredness is
You don't understand how much hard work it is
Raising a child is far harder than anything you would do

thread shocker childfree people actually knew what they were talking about all along.

Eh? Why have you made up a list of bullshit cliches.

And then ended it with a smug comment? 🙄

BadNomad · 26/02/2023 22:29

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:26

Yes, but it's about having children, which ultimately is more effort than not having children. I.e. practicing safe sex is less effort than looking after kids.

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That's not what the person was talking about. They were talking about pregnant vs not pregnant.

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:31

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:29

Eh? Why have you made up a list of bullshit cliches.

And then ended it with a smug comment? 🙄

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Because all of these bullshit clichés have been pulled out on this thread

I haven't made them up, I've summarised it

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:32

BadNomad · 26/02/2023 22:29

That's not what the person was talking about. They were talking about pregnant vs not pregnant.

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I think that poster has totally missed the point of the posts that were made....

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:33

Yes but it's the consequences that count, given this is a thread about being childfree or with children.

The consequences of one result is a life time of effort vs one that is literally just popping a pill each day (or whatever method of contraception you use).

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:36

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:33

Yes but it's the consequences that count, given this is a thread about being childfree or with children.

The consequences of one result is a life time of effort vs one that is literally just popping a pill each day (or whatever method of contraception you use).

And if you can point to the post where someone said that using contraception was harder than having children?

BadNomad · 26/02/2023 22:39

Well, yes, that's why childfree people make more effort to prevent pregnancy. They don't want those consequences. People with children choose that life.

Applesandcarrots · 26/02/2023 22:41

It waa meant to be bit lighthearted.
Kind of given away by 85% fail rate, I thought!

However, it's still effort😁
Now who is overly defensive, eh

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:44

Applesandcarrots · 26/02/2023 22:41

It waa meant to be bit lighthearted.
Kind of given away by 85% fail rate, I thought!

However, it's still effort😁
Now who is overly defensive, eh

It was also incredibly clear what you meant to most posters

I am still finding it ironic that after a thread that has told childless women all the many reasons they are wrong for not wanting children there are also pages and pages of them being told they don't understand children are tiring and hard work when sometimes that's the reason those very childfree women have chosen not to have them -so basically they were right all along...

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:45

@ConfusedNT more like cherry picked the points that worked best for you and then tried the smug thread shocker implying that childfree people know better, and by extension made a better decision than people who foolishly got themselves pregnant "what did they expect?" how dare they complain how hard it is etc. etc.

Woe is me having to defend my childfree status. Which in real life I have literally never heard anyone say any of the things on your list.

Being childfree by choice doesn't make you special, if anything it is becoming more and more common, but you'd think judging by this thread that you were the first people to ever do it.

I think complaining about parents who are off loading about completely normal parent things is perhaps a way of elevating your status?

BadNomad · 26/02/2023 22:51

You're not offloading. You're comparing. Competing. But no one asked you to. Childfree people really don't care about how tiring or how much work raising children is. It means nothing to us because that's not our life. We consciously chose to avoid that life.

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:52

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:45

@ConfusedNT more like cherry picked the points that worked best for you and then tried the smug thread shocker implying that childfree people know better, and by extension made a better decision than people who foolishly got themselves pregnant "what did they expect?" how dare they complain how hard it is etc. etc.

Woe is me having to defend my childfree status. Which in real life I have literally never heard anyone say any of the things on your list.

Being childfree by choice doesn't make you special, if anything it is becoming more and more common, but you'd think judging by this thread that you were the first people to ever do it.

I think complaining about parents who are off loading about completely normal parent things is perhaps a way of elevating your status?

I feel like you haven't read the full thread

And for reference I'm childless not childfree

I desperately wanted children

I just think the abuse childfree people have recieved both on this thread and on other threads on MN is ridiculous

But please please do tell me how I have an elevated status as a childless person 🙄

fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/02/2023 22:52

implying that childfree people know better, and by extension made a better decision than people who foolishly got themselves pregnant "what did they expect?" how dare they complain how hard it is etc. etc.

Find me one poster who has said anything remotely close to this.

What was said is that it’s harder to prevent pregnancy than to get pregnant (fertility issues aside).

You then made it about parenting itself, and tried to play a little violin, and because nobody gave you any sympathy you’re now suggesting that we think you shouldn’t have had kids?

That’s one hell of a chip on your shoulder.

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:54

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:45

@ConfusedNT more like cherry picked the points that worked best for you and then tried the smug thread shocker implying that childfree people know better, and by extension made a better decision than people who foolishly got themselves pregnant "what did they expect?" how dare they complain how hard it is etc. etc.

Woe is me having to defend my childfree status. Which in real life I have literally never heard anyone say any of the things on your list.

Being childfree by choice doesn't make you special, if anything it is becoming more and more common, but you'd think judging by this thread that you were the first people to ever do it.

I think complaining about parents who are off loading about completely normal parent things is perhaps a way of elevating your status?

Also you have totally misunderstood my last point

I was making the point that childfree people have made the best decision for THEM even though people in real life and on here often act as if they are wrong for not wanting children

I did not say not having children is better than having children

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:54

BadNomad · 26/02/2023 22:51

You're not offloading. You're comparing. Competing. But no one asked you to. Childfree people really don't care about how tiring or how much work raising children is. It means nothing to us because that's not our life. We consciously chose to avoid that life.

Ahhh it's a chip on your shoulder I get it now.

Person with children: "I'm knackered and didn't sleep well last night my child was up 5 times"

Childfree person: "oh for goodness sake you're not the only who has bad sleep you know"

Gotcha. I understand it now.

Anotherdayanothernight · 26/02/2023 22:55

LobeliaBaggins · 22/02/2023 10:24

I really hope we can get to a point where having children or not is the least interesting thing about a person. I certainly find it the least interesting thing.

Having children or not should not form your entire personality. But with people from both sides, it often does.

Very good point!

fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/02/2023 22:55

On the bright side fewer than 10 comments until this thread is filled up and us childless/childfree women can go enjoy our elevated status elsewhere.

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:56

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:54

Ahhh it's a chip on your shoulder I get it now.

Person with children: "I'm knackered and didn't sleep well last night my child was up 5 times"

Childfree person: "oh for goodness sake you're not the only who has bad sleep you know"

Gotcha. I understand it now.

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Tell me you haven't read the full thread without telling me you haven't read the full thread

Applesandcarrots · 26/02/2023 22:57

Was an interesting thread.

Go welll, everyone. Go well

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:57

fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/02/2023 22:55

On the bright side fewer than 10 comments until this thread is filled up and us childless/childfree women can go enjoy our elevated status elsewhere.

Oh please do the chip on your shoulder is exhausting.

ConfusedNT · 26/02/2023 22:57

fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/02/2023 22:55

On the bright side fewer than 10 comments until this thread is filled up and us childless/childfree women can go enjoy our elevated status elsewhere.

I feel like we should fill it up quickly with pictures of pets to round it off

Or just cute animals

BadNomad · 26/02/2023 22:58

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:54

Ahhh it's a chip on your shoulder I get it now.

Person with children: "I'm knackered and didn't sleep well last night my child was up 5 times"

Childfree person: "oh for goodness sake you're not the only who has bad sleep you know"

Gotcha. I understand it now.

Show quote history

I very much doubt that conversation has ever happened in the history of the planet.

However...

Childfree person: "I'm so tired this morning."
Parent: "Ha! You don't know what tireness is!"

...has happened plenty of times.

waltzingmattie · 26/02/2023 22:58

fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/02/2023 22:52

implying that childfree people know better, and by extension made a better decision than people who foolishly got themselves pregnant "what did they expect?" how dare they complain how hard it is etc. etc.

Find me one poster who has said anything remotely close to this.

What was said is that it’s harder to prevent pregnancy than to get pregnant (fertility issues aside).

You then made it about parenting itself, and tried to play a little violin, and because nobody gave you any sympathy you’re now suggesting that we think you shouldn’t have had kids?

That’s one hell of a chip on your shoulder.

And you've skipped out a load of posts 🙄