Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

YABU.

Have you not noticed the sheer anger and hatred toward childfree people?

That thread is titled that because on the last thread lots of parents kept commenting saying things like ‘I didn’t want children but my husband did so I had them and I’m so glad I did here’s why you should have them too’ and being, basically, rude about people discussing holidays, hobbies and work etc. I think the title is quite funny.

I think childfree women are still treated like they are completely defective. People with children telling them they don’t know what love is till they have a child, they can’t possibly be tired or know what being tired is until they have a child (someone I know with insomnia due to a chronic pain condition was told this….), they’ll “grow out” of not wanting children etc…
Yet when the shoes on the other foot parents seem to get quite shocked.

I am childfree, as are a few friends, I / we have never bitched or ranted about parents in the ways you described. The only thing that did annoy me, when I worked in a hospital years ago, was that parents were favoured when it came to annual leave, year after year. I worked there for a few years and never got the annual leave I actually wanted, I always had to compromise due to school holidays etc. Quite annoying.

Other than that I think children are generally lovely, cute etc, I just never had the desire for my own. I admire the parents of young children that I know as their lives are so much more hectic than mine but other than that they are just people, same as me but with a different day to day life.

It works both ways.

Some child-free people are nasty bitches about parents. Some parents are nasty bitches about child-free people. I’d say it’s pretty evenly split between the number of each.

The only issue I really have with the “I’d hate to be a parent” threads is the number of muppets who say “if I ever did want children then I’d adopt because babies need homes” as if they’re adopting a dog and have absolutely no idea what the adoption process is like, how rigorous it is and how exceptionally unlikely people are to be approved. It’s the height of ignorance and arrogance.

I really hope we can get to a point where having children or not is the least interesting thing about a person. I certainly find it the least interesting thing.

Having children or not should not form your entire personality. But with people from both sides, it often does.

I think that some parents do need reminding that not everything is about them and their children.

you only have to look at threads on P and C spaces where parents compare them to disabled spaces and fail to see the difference!

No I haven’t “anger and hatred” towards childfree people. Not in my social circle & I can’t recall coming across it online to a significant extent. What anger & hatred are you referring to?

Yeah, this is why childfree people find parents smug.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

These things go both ways. As MelaniesFlowers post above proves.

I have had disgusting things said to me over the years as a childfree by choice woman, to the point I was told that I can't be a real, fulfilled woman because I don't have children.

It's literally on this post - pity. I don't want or need that.

Childfree people now have a platform to share their experiences, and that's what's happening.

If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice
I'd very happily be like that if society could accept our choice as equally valid as those who chose to have children. I get it less now I'm in my 40s but I had years of I'm sure you'll change your mind, oh but you'd be a great mum (unlikely given I literally just told you I absolutely don't want that), you don't know real love until you're a parent, it's so selfish not to have children etc etc ad infinitum.

It's very hard not to get defensive at times, or to bite back, when your completely valid choices are constantly either questioned or belittled.

all the child free people I know are busy enjoying their lives without worry, with good finances, lovely holidays, meals out, hobbies, pets, rich fulfilled lives which look fab. It’s great to see and I love that their choices were good for them.

i think the people moaning are probably lacking somewhere or something inside and need something to focus it on?

Childfree people cannot say anything about the advantages of not having children or they will be accused of being smug.

I just wish everybody would allow people to do what’s best for them and makes them the best person they can be. Why we feel the need to judge people and tell them what they should and shouldn’t do baffles me. We have a long way to yet.

I have DC but have several childfree friends. I don't comment on their choices, they don't comment on mine, anymore than we would comment on each othr's sex lives. They love their parents, their siblings, their friends, their pets. That's real enough love, I think.

If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice

Because society, mostly people with children, won't let us quietly make that choice. We are questioned about our perfectly valid life choice, and sometimes have no choice but to be defensive.

*The rest I just pity because they’ll never know what it feels like to be a parent.

In both cases it comes from a place of sadness*

Very happily child free here and have had no wish ever to know what it feels like to be a parent, any more than I have a wish to know what it feels like to strap a parachute on my back and throw myself out of a plane.

And whatever place it comes from, it isn't sadness. 😂Your pity isn't required.

Actually, having children is extremely selfish. Especially given the state of the world. I can see that now, though I admit I didn't see it when I had them.

Wow, I wasn't expecting someone to prove my point quite so quickly!
The rest I just pity because they’ll never know what it feels like to be a parent.
I pity parents. Personally, I think it looks a shit life. But if I say that then I'd be accused of 'ranting' or 'bitching'. But apparently it's fine to be cunty to childfree people!

Gosh you are nasty. I hope your kids will somehow turn out to be nicer people.

I honestly have never heard this back and forth competitive misery in real life.

I had kids late and only one person in all those years ever said to me “you don’t know real love”. And she was someone who craved love in a way I didn’t.

i feel like people who say this stuff would be bastards with or without children tbh

I think I'd agree there. While child free women are perceived by many parents as "less than" I think it's unreasonable to expect them not to express that experience.

Yes I agree I think some people do need be reminded that not everything about them but that works both ways. Take parent & child spaces, I don’t think they are strictly necessary and are in no way comparable to disabled spaces but they make life a little easier for parents so why not. Hopefully anyone disabled is able to get a permit.

I have to say I don’t pity anyone who doesn’t have children. I see being childfree as perfectly valid & I think there are many valid reasons why someone wouldn’t want kids. I think some childless people describe themselves as childfree but I also think many people are genuinely childfree. To the above posters point I don’t think all childfree people rant about kids no more than all parents expect to be prioritised.

Agree 100% I’d like to get to a place where parental status isn’t given so much weight.

The thing that baffled me about that thread was that it seemed ironic to be giving out about parents wanting it to be all about them, while I’m the same breath giving out about kids to such an extent.