Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

@MelaniesFlowers I have noticed you post the most horrible comments about child free people. Maybe it’s a sign you are jealous

That's not being childfree by choice, that's having children later in life. Childfree by choice means choosing to never to have children, ever.

The other thing to this that I have noticed is that for years (generations really) women without children have been treated as less than. And then with social media came masses of posts about how "you don't know love until you are a parent' ect.

Then on MN every once in awhile there is a thread on things not to say to women struggling with fertility and it will generally get swamped by posters who had no issues getting pregnant trying to defend why it should be okay to tell infertile women 'to relax or just adopt' because they want to be allowed to say whatever they want to women without children

Its a lot more recently that I've seen more posts about people who don't want children saying things about parenthood that parents don't like. I genuinely think it's a backlash against all the awful comments that have been made to people without children over the years.

For example for 'breeders' I give you the opposites that have been said to me or friends without children 'broken, unnatural, not real women'

I genuinely believe what you are seeing now has been bred from the contempt for women and people without children over years

I absolutely agree with this.

@JorisBonson you have missed the point

I have kids, no they are not everything to me, I also have a partner, a mother, a job & friends.

I’m not bothered as such, I just came across something I was a bit baffled by and thought it was worth a neutral conversation.

I agree with nearly all of your post until the paragraph “child havers.” I’m not a child haver I’m a person who has children and I’m also all of the things I mentioned above. I certainly wouldn’t expect anyone to alter a work social event to cater for the fact I have kids, that’s quite odd to me.

The people you are deflecting from are not the majority in my experience.

Oh. My. God.

I have had a colleagues express shock at me not wanting kids - one said "but you seem like such an unselfish person" and then apologised. But the newspaper ad - the person who said that should have got the sack.

Then why do they start coming out with crap after they've had children? I don't understand why people who have been at the end of those comments would then start to repeat them. Why become that person? Are they trying to convince themselves that having children was a positive move?

Have you not noticed the sheer anger and hatred toward childfree people?
I haven't seen any anger towards childfree people. But I have read a lot against children behaving like perfectly normal children.. Even to the extent where some people have said their pets are more important than other people's children!
Without children we would have no society at all. Being a parent is hard but it seems as though some sections of society are becoming much less tolerant towards them

She didn't get the sack, but an official reprimand. She apologised the following day, but the damage was done.
Incidentally, my bosses only found out because one of my other colleagues told them, I didn't want to draw attention to it too much.

@Redebs I don’t understand how that is selfish. Of course my dog is more important to me than your child.

Oh right. I think the person only apologised to me because she thought I might report her to HR.

Even to the extent where some people have said their pets are more important than other people's children!

Yeah, my dog is more important to me than your children. Why is that surprising? The whole "society needs children" is a load of bollocks. You didn't have children for society, you had children because you wanted children. You did that for you, not me.

For a lot of childfree-by-choice people, it includes being free of other people's children.

@BadNomad I have no idea as I am not one of those people. Maybe you could remind them that they used to be child free and did they consider those years a waste of time? Equally I am sure there are people who are adamant they don't want children and don't have children and some that are adamant that they don't want children and then for whatever reason end up having children. Should I be asking why they changed their minds? No I don't think so.

I am childfree, I don't have an issue with what any does. Have children, don't have children its your right to decide.

What does piss me off is when your choice then has an impact on me. For example I cannot afford a detached house, would love to be able to but can't on one income. I live in a terraced house and yes the walls are thin and some noise is going to happen, but my god every day for the past two week its several ear splitting tantrums a day and whilst I am sure the mum is also fed up, equally fml I do not want to be woken up by that at 6am or then have to listen to it throughout the day. And I have had to move bedrooms and instead of sleeping in my lovely main bedroom I am now in the guest room which is the furthest room from the party wall and I can still hear it.

Like I said I am sure its not fun for her and obviously can't tell a kid to stop screaming and turn down the volume but she made a choice to have children and tantrums could be a part of that experience of raising kids but I didn't and I don't see why I have to bloody well put up with the noise when I have chosen not to.

I don't quite understand your point, if that's the case. There is a huge difference between choosing not to have children at all and choosing to have them later in life.

@BadNomad I'm sure you will train your dog enough to prescribe medication and sort out your shopping and nurse you when you are old then as it is obvious that you are blinkered as to why society needs children more than pets

Well then I would hope you would have more sympathy for child free women and be less likely to make these comments

But if your argument is 'I had this too until it stopped so I don't care if it happens to child free people' the that's an odd attitude

Surely we should be trying to stop this culture for the women who cant have children, the women who don't want children, the women who have children late, the women who get fed up of being asked when they are going to have children, the women who get fed up of being asked when they are going to have more children etc etc

I don't know. You're the one who pointed out that people with children were once childfree too. I thought maybe you had some insight into it then. Personally, I don't think waiting to have children is the same as choosing to be childfree.

I agree with this. Due to fertility issues I didn't have a child till I was 41. It was baffeling how many people saw me as someone with less rights in this world than parents. No reason for me to have christmas or childrens holidays off, even though I might have plans with family or friends who were parents. Or maybe just want to have it for myself. At my birthday parties some parents (not all) clubbed together to talk about the children and ignored the childless people (they're not invited anymore). Or all those comments that I couldn't possibly understand x, y or z because I wasn't a parent. Well now I am and my opinion hasn't changed!

I think it goes both ways. People who are very extreme in their opinions are normally narrow minded and can't fathom why someone doesn't want what they have. It comes from ignorance or from insecurity in their own decisions.

I think being childfree is the more logical choice tbh. I find people that are very PRO CHILD and judgemental of the childfree, to be people who have enhanced their life by having children or be seeking validation of their choices. If you didn't have much of a life before kids, having kids likely enhances life and you probably gain a lot and can't really see past life with kids. Other people have a lot to lose by having kids, their career, traveling, socialising, city life, whatever. So their life wouldn't necessarily be better with kids. There's lots of reasons not to have them. Parenthood looks shit from a distance.

I think people who hate kids and are anti-kids are just as bad. They berate parents, and put them down, and are often quite self absorbed. I don't really know where this comes from - fear/maybe they want kids/maybe they feel hurt by treatment of them by parents or society?

You get childfree dickheads and parents who are dickheads I guess.

Thankfully though I'd say the majority are reasonable and it's just a loud few causing the divide.

By 2050 the global opopulation aged 65 and older will rise to nearly 16 and will be double that of children under five. This is the global population as well not UK or northern Europe, how can the stats be indicating that childfree is not rare anymore and yet many experience insults and judgements about it at such a regular rate. I just don't believe all these exaggerated statements about museums being full of unruly children. Children have always gone to museums and galleries, I did and I'm sure I wasn't absolutely silent. Pubs welcoming children is usually to do with needing the revenue from serving food so yes, Sunday Lunches, 'some' pubs are packed. I don't think you will find the rest of the week being frequented largely by children. Maybe in the summer but even then it will be latest 7/8 when most have to leave due to licence laws. There are so many pubs where I live that are clearly aimed at the 20s 30 year old house sharers. We sometimes go to one in our city whilst we wait for our daughter who is at the drama academy next door. If we haven't finished our drink we will then bring her into the pub. Sometimes we even dare to done with our nearly 12 year old there. My nearly 16 year old wouldn't be seen with us in a local pub but if we are in London and they are causing havoc in a gallery we may calm ourselves down from the drama with a pub visit and restaurant meal, we really don't see all these endless, disruptive sprogs, in fact we are usually the only ones with the company of anyone under 20 and I'm not talking about high end restaurants, it will be some thing mid range.

Thank you for having children for me. I really appreciate it. That was very unselfish of you to give up your childlessness to benefit society. That definitely balances out the impact on the environment and resources you and your children are taking from the planet.

Meanwhile, when my dog and I die, our carbon footprints will end.

I had my children in my 40s so was childfree by choice for a long time and some of the things said to me were frankly ridiculous. You must be such a disappointment to your parents. You're not a real woman until you have children. You're selfish. What's the point of existing if you don't have children. And of course, everyone's favourite, you'll never know real love if you don't have children.

And of course “what about when you’re old?”