Refusing to give a friend lifts any more

[Lonelygirl38]

So after dealing with shitty family, I'm now looking at friendships - I want to be more assertive and make sure I'm not being used and that I have a good support network

For the past few months, I have given lifts to my friend to boxing.
My friend doesn't drive so I take her. She doesn't pay towards fuel at all.and has never offered - although I have said she needs to start contributing to the cost

As the boxing class doesn't finish until 10.30 pm I told her that supermarket stops after class would not be happening going forward and she can sort that out herself as I'm not prepared to wait for her to do a full shop at that time which also delays me getting home. (I've done it twice and she's had me waiting over an hour!!)
She got very angry and said she needs to do her shopping
I told her that was not my problem and I also reminded her that going forward she needs to contribute to the cost of petrol as she wouldn't be able to get to class without my car.
She was not happy so I said that it was fine but I would meet her there next week as i was fed up of being taken advantage of and used.
She said she cannot afford the taxis as one way is £10. I told her that she can get a bus and we will meet there. They run til 11.30pm so she could get home too and if she wanted to go to the class she would manage it.
AIBU to stop giving her lifts anywhere and just meet her at the class?
I feel I've been clear that she's taking advantage but feel a but guilty.
DH said that she's taking the piss with expecting me to wait for her to go shopping and also not contributing any petrol money and he thinks I'm 100% right

I AM for real yeah
I have a backbone thanks. You can tell the leechy types on here

Good for you! You have some balls, I love it 💪

Good for you OP.

She sounds like a total user, cheeky af cf!

For £25 I wouldn’t have called out my friend for Petrol money (particularly if it wasn’t out of my way)

however, after club shopping trips? YANBU

WHAT?! how am I meant to get there now? What about me? Do you think that because you've already been moved to a higher group that you deserve to go more than I do? I have said I.will contribute towards fuel but £25 is ridiculous. I was thinking £10 at most"
😳 As a non driver myself, she is taking the piss - you're doing her a favour giving her the lifts, why the heck were you letting her do he shopping at that time, I'd be like no sorry, I'm going straight home, if that doesn't work you I can't give the lifts.
She shot herself in the foot there so to speak!
She doesn't get to dictate how much petrol money either, you're still saving here tons by driving her!.
I just wouldn't engage anymore, just say sorry the lifts don't work for me anymore.
End of

No you don't, no one with a backbone would get into the situation in the first place.

I would drop her at the supermarket as she gets out of the car say I've got to go now you'll be able to get a taxi home.... and then drive off

Stand up to bullies by all means, but this makes me think you enjoy the drama:
"I'm a black belt in 2 martial arts and I'd belt her one"

If that is true you should know that this statement is disrespectful to your martial arts. A black belt is a symbol of mastery, not a symbol of violence or something to brag about. Unless the black belts are in bullshido, of course...

the comments on here

we don’t know this friends personal situation - financial, physical health or mental health/phobias - could be preventing her from driving

she has agreed to contribute to fuel

#bekind

Uggh, I used to have a house mate like this at uni. I mostly was happy to give her a lift places, take her shopping with me, do the driving to local social things without asking for any contribution, then on one occasion we were visiting a mutual friend in a different city for a night out and I asked for half the petrol cost and got a cheeky reply that as I was going that way anyway she shouldn't have to contribute. She was defo a CF in lots of other ways.....we did not stay friends!

If this thread is true (which I doubt), how on earth do people get into these situations? I can't imagine suffering in silence and then coming out with comments like these

So you're a black belt in 2 martial arts but you're also a complete wet blanket who can't stand up to anyone ....that's a bit weird🤷

quite frankly I don't care what you think. I could go into more detail about the journey the costs my distance from her etc etc and for the majority of people on this post I would be happy to.
The ones that are saying I'm wrong and ripping her off and being generally nasty saying I'm lying etc - you believe what ya like
You're the kind of people that I am trying to avoid.
See ya 🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱

It's really not. Being good at a sort doesn't automatically undo trauma responses or make you more assertive. How stupid!

She's taking the piss she's using you as a free taxi service. She's got the rest of the week to do a big shop. She could do it online and wouldn't cost a tenner for delivery.

How did this all come about Op?

You decided to do the boxing together & "obviously" you would drive?

Was it on the way to collect her or did she make her way to you?

I think that the supermarket thing shows what she thinks of you.

She hasn't forked out a single penny towards the fuel costs. When challenged she said she would contribute but only 10 quid a month. Op hasn't seen a penny of it.
She got angry with the OP when OP said she wouldn't be taking her to the shops any more.

Whatever her reasons for not driving, she is taking the piss.

Be kind needs to die as it it is generally used to shut women up when they are trying to assert their own wants and needs.

Life without a car can be really tough. Doing food shopping with bags and getting on buses at night can be awful

Online delivery?

I don't drive & purposely live within walking/biking distance of shops/banks/supermarket/train station.

No you don't, no one with a backbone would get into the situation in the first place.

But you told OP to 'grow a backbone' - which suggests that you believe it may not necessarily be something you're born with but can later be grown/acquired!

Yes it can be tough without a car but that's not the OPs problem.

EXACTLY!!! some people are just thick

Doing food shopping with bags and getting on buses at night can be awful

so you get yourself a shopping trolley and you don’t go at night. Problem solved. You need to be proactive and take responsibility for your own life.

you cut your cloth to suit your purse.

dont blame you op.
I would be happy to pay! Bloody cheap.
if she was struggling money wise I’m sure she would have said, but clearly not.

That's a good price considering it's a 40 minuite drive. If I get a taxi to see my son in another town it's £14 for a 20 minuite drive. So 40 minuites would be double, That's why we usually get the bus. Fine if someone offer's to give us a lift. But wouldn't expect it all the time.

Err, no, the OP isn't a taxi. £25 /month for there and back is fine.