Stingy in-laws, dreading visit

[BruhWhy]

I'm going to start this off by saying we do love them and this is (mostly) tongue-in-cheek.

But they're proper stingy and I'm dreading visiting them this weekend 🙈

They live in the Midlands and us down south so we visit every 6 months or so for a couple of nights so they can spend time with the kids, we alternate and it's our turn to go to them.

When they visit I make sure I pull out all the stops to make them feel welcome and well-fed, think lovely salmon fillets, steak and extra nice recipes that I've saved for best, that sort of thing. They're always really grateful and enjoy the food a lot. We don't have loads of money but I really try to make sure we're good hosts.

When we go there we get fed TINY portions of bland, badly cooked, slimming world food (DH's stepmum is lifelong slimming world) which we find odd because FIL is a fantastic cook.

They're really well off, they're buying property abroad outright and have lots of money to spare, so I know it's not a budget issue because I'd totally understand it if that was the case.

We're always really polite about it obviously but by the time we're on the way home the kids are ready to eat eachother and we usually stop for expensive services food.

Last time we were there the kids were ravenous and kept asking for snacks and I could tell it really irritated them, kept saying "they must be bottomless, do they eat this much at home" they're really slim and healthy kids, they just need more than a chicken leg, a single potato and two florets of broccoli to last them 6 hours! So based on that reaction I don't feel I can really be honest with them, it'll just cause tension.

So I'm thinking about it taking a secret bag of food like a proper coward 👀

Surely just explain your DC are hungry ,and its normal for growing DC to have big appetites. Many older people are surprised how much little ones can eat. I would say breezily "Oh hi PIL ,have brought extra supplies for the troops,dont want them to go hungry"!" Maybe some pizzas for the freezer,nice crusty bread , Peanut butter,some bananas and yoghurts . plain Crisps and healthy snacks ,flapjacks or suchlike. Take the non perishables in a backpack ,and leave in your room .Often they forget how much their own DC ,ate or sometimes they are used to small shopping bills .(I suspect they may pay towards their holidays like this TBH) No one should impinge their Slimming world recipes on children!

At least 3 posters have asked you exactly the same question but you actually refuse to answer / engage: Why don't you just say something. Are you so weak and incapable that you can't tell them that it's not enough food. Why are you such a martyr?

What does Dh say when you talk to him about this? About his inability to converse and communicate with his dad properly. That Dh is unable to stand up for the welfare of his dc, and wife?

I'll never forget the year we surprised mil by going down to theirs for Mother's Day (had checked with FIL). Well then the 3 other siblings all rolled round too and despite living opposite a large supermarket they just stretched out the Sunday dinner (and a third of a bottle of wine). We were STARVING and I was breastfeeding newborn ds. DH offered to go to the shop for sausages/chicken breasts/anything that could be added to a roast quickly so there was enough food but they insisted there was "plenty". Had to go to maccies on the drive home before I collapsed!

They are still stingy now-always do "penis portions" so I'm left starving whilst my husband laughs at my pathetic amount! Wouldn't care but neither of them are slim!

We take snacks for the kids now and I pack tins of g&t for when I go up to bed and read to save my sanity.

...fuck me are YOU hangry or something?

Think it's clear that I don't feel comfortable doing that, they're not my family and tbh DH and I make the odd comment about how weird they are with food but we've never actually sat down and discussed having an intervention with them. If I properly raised it as a serious issue of course he'd say something but I never have. If you read my replies I said on the back of this thread I'll be taking food and not being discreet about it, which is fine for me, no martyrdom necessary 🤨

I find it interesting people saying older people eat less. Our local pubs seem to have plenty of people over 65 (and I'm 61) polishing off pub sized meals and 2 courses for £14 kind of deals too.

I think in plenty of cases it's meanness and in other cases forgetting they need to scale up massively if they have people visiting not just stretch the same amount a bit further. I do know my grandmother once she reached 60 could no longer be arsed to cook for more than her and my grandad -

In OPs case I think the MIL has lost sight of a normal non dieting sized meal

At least you are fed by in laws, in over 20 years of marriage I can count the amount of food I got from my mil on my hand excluding my thumb! Eg arrive with newborn that she wanted to see (but couldn't possibly travel to see) 3 hour drive and wasn't offered even a biscuit and wouldn't let exh bring in a takeaway as she was on a diet, made us go out to McDonald's, the only place open Sunday evening in those days. In laws are odd I've decided. (Actually dps mum is fine food wise but only because i always bring food as she's very elderly and her wine cellar is excellent!)

"In OPs case I think the MIL has lost sight of a normal non dieting sized meal"

Except - when visiting OP, she says "how she's having a weekend of eating whatever she wants! Unless she's being polite, but if so she politely polishes off everything and has polite seconds 😏" That suggests to me she knows fine well what a normal-sized meal is. And what is FIL's excuse, is he always on a diet too?

No, there's an inhospitableness there. If she can have "a weekend of eating whatever she wants" at OP's expense, she can do the same at her own too. It's stinginess pure and simple.

@gogohmm that's really awful, I hope you never did that again!

So you have never raised it as a serious issue and DH would only say something if you did? It would take someone else to point out he and his family are not being fed properly. He can't even stand up for his own kids. This is so sad.

He sounds like a complete wet lettuce.

Forget SMIL - I don't know how you can even look at your DH.

Forget SMIL - I don't know how you can even look at your DH.

He's quite pretty so that helps.

AIBU?
Everyone: Yes.
Op: No I'm not.



how big is a penis portion ? 😬😂

So you have never raised it as a serious issue and DH would only say something if you did? It would take someone else to point out he and his family are not being fed properly. He can't even stand up for his own kids. This is so sad.

Sorry, but I'm with @Oblomov23 on this. I know they are his parents, but if he is unable to raise the issue I would have said something myself. You don't have to be rude, but just point out that the children are growing and have a larger appetite than your in-laws (who BTW are much younger than me and should know better) and the food they are given is insufficient.

I see that you have addressed it for the next visit and will be taking food with you. I hope it doesn't cause any ructions.

@WhereYouLeftIt Yep you are probably right- my FIL who is 83 is a bit like this but I realised it was because he gets a lot of ready meals for 1 and consequently I think mentally thinks they are fine - whereas in reality a lot are very tiny

It was maybe a piece of chicken and a bit of veg.

The issue was that my portion was literally half the size of my DH's and our calorie requirements are pretty similar. :-)

Just turn up with a lurid Aldi bag filled with stuff.

Who cares about the kids going hungry? At least your DH is pretty hey?

(If a complete wet lettuce can be pretty)

Dd1 is lovely but when we stay with her she tells me I'm having too much expensive coffee, doesn't like us eating her special cereal (dd3 is 15) and wasn't happy after we'd waited hours for lunch (after 2pm) and I mentioned her teenaged sibling needed some lunch as I used all of x. I made it myself as dsil and dd1 weren't hungry and after saying they had x,y and z complained when I used all of x. If they didn't want me to use x they shouldn't have mentioned. I think next time we stay I'll take my own supplies!
Both dd1 and dsil are highly paid professionals.

@Oblomov23 you need to look a bit closer at the screen!
88% voted YANBU

Oh my god 😂

I have to say I didn't see this thread achieving a LTB, how bizarre

It's occurred to me that if you take some really delicious food for your immediate nuclear family to enjoy that your in-laws may want some . Are you going to say "no this is just for us"?

Whoever mentioned be polite and just eat it is hilarious.. Are the hosts being polite half starving their guests? Order a huge take away. And sit and eat it. They can dwell on their sw portions alone...

You actually went to the extreme lengths of hiding food in the wardrobe in order to avoid asking for more food?!?!?!?