Grandfather smacked DS bottom

[ranblungs]

DS can have meltdowns/big tantrums, usually when he's very tired. More so when he's at his grandparents' house (ex's parents). They have communicated to me that they found his behaviour very difficult at one point, but it seems to have resolved now.

ExDP did live with them but moved our two weeks ago.

DS (aged 4) told me yesterday evening that grandad had smacked his bottom because he was being naughty and that it "really hurt" he got upset as he was telling me and cried. I get the impression this wasn't necessarily recent.

DS also can play up at bed time when he is there and he told me that grandad pushes him back onto the bed for being naughty at bed time.

I'm not sure what to do next?

They are huge sources of childcare, ExDP is supposed to have him two nights per week but often works away so they will have him. They also help out during the week as/when needed.

The relationship between us was once very strained when DS was tiny.

I am furious that he has hit my child. Am I overreacting as it was just a smack on the bottom?

DS can be very challenging there.

OK, I’ll rephrase.

How does anyone that has admitted that their parents smacked them as a child feel about the research posted upthread that their IQ might have been affected?

I think we're very fortunate to function as well as possible regardless, I have no concerns about my personal IQ although there's something in your tone that is so mocking. As if you are saying 'so, do you want to say you're not intelligent, hmmm, do you.... Do you want to admit to that so we can once again state that because you were hit your objections to hitting children must be nonsense not just because you're emotionally traumatised and therefore triggered poor thing but you're also rather stupid'

Yet the other side of that is that you are then admitting hitting is traumatising and effects people reaching their potential IQ.

I have a high IQ and have always been very academic. Thank goodness because it allowed me to be successful despite a difficult start in life. Could I believe I'd be more intelligent if I hadn't spent my childhood in a heightened state of awareness due to intermittently being hit? Yes I'm willing to believe that. I do ok, I'm very fortunate, I've no idea if my potential without being hit would ahve been great.

Mocking? Nope. You’ll also note that I have not commented on either my upbringing or my children’s.

I’m interested in how people feel that it has impacted them.

I think that IQ study is interesting. A quick skim suggested that the impact decreased over time and it would be informative if testing was repeated in later years.

There's nothingocking in this? 🤔

And Forgooodnesssakenow I appreciate you engaging.

I’m sure the message got through to the right people.

I wasn't spanked by my parents so I can't let you know whether my IQ might have been improved if they'd have slapped me, sorry.

I've probably got lots of "skills" "missing", I'm not brilliant at spending time on cryptic strangers for one

OK, since people have got jabby fingers again today.

Your reply makes no sense given the paper linked to earlier.

There's about three decades of research which lets us know that adults hitting children is not associated with beneficial outcomes.

I don't have a reply for you from the alternative universe where my parents hit me.

I feel fairly sure I'm not going to wake up one morning and feel a deep regret because I've caused my children a skill shortage because I didn't hit them enough. Or just start hitting them one day because it's not worse, it's just different.

I feel the OP is right to feel the way she does about her father hitting and pushing her child, and I'd also feel very upset.

I didn’t ask you for a reply though.

You just decided to reply, despite the question not being applicable to you.

Its a chat. It's ok for me to respond to other people's posts, even dark mysterious figures who haven't made their position at all clear but have an air of interrogation.

Bit sinister.

Of course you can respond, and it's up to you whether you want to waste your time giving pointless answers to questions that aren't applicable to you.

You do you, as they say.

I'll let you keep darkly interrogating thin air then, talking of wasting time.