Grandfather smacked DS bottom

[ranblungs]

DS can have meltdowns/big tantrums, usually when he's very tired. More so when he's at his grandparents' house (ex's parents). They have communicated to me that they found his behaviour very difficult at one point, but it seems to have resolved now.

ExDP did live with them but moved our two weeks ago.

DS (aged 4) told me yesterday evening that grandad had smacked his bottom because he was being naughty and that it "really hurt" he got upset as he was telling me and cried. I get the impression this wasn't necessarily recent.

DS also can play up at bed time when he is there and he told me that grandad pushes him back onto the bed for being naughty at bed time.

I'm not sure what to do next?

They are huge sources of childcare, ExDP is supposed to have him two nights per week but often works away so they will have him. They also help out during the week as/when needed.

The relationship between us was once very strained when DS was tiny.

I am furious that he has hit my child. Am I overreacting as it was just a smack on the bottom?

DS can be very challenging there.

Think your way overreacting sorry but smack and then people saying beating etc wtf is wrong...they are not abusing the child he got a smack for bad behaviour so ok you don't agree so rather than cause a rucuss why not sit down and talk it thru with grandparents and resolve it as they sound fine grandparents or you would never have left him in the first place presumably. And from experience with boys they also can be good at telling a tale to twist mummy around there finger 😀

It's funny how nobody seems to consider that his challenging behaviour could also be absolutely nothing to do with his grandparents at all but a way of kicking off because his mother leaves him there and his dad and he is stuck in between all this.

Awake early on a Sunday morning and thought I'd pop back to see how this thread has progressed.

Wow. A few posters really need to look up the definition of a 'self own' 🤦🏾‍♂️

Insisting they are the kind caring ones, while the rest of us are evil 'hitters'. 🙄 I haven't seen aggressive, dog pile vitriol like it for a long time.

A few hundred posts ago you might have convinced some people reading this thread that you were right. You should have quit then.

Anyone reading this now is going to think you are unhinged.

Morning! How are we all?!

Anyone had any chance to think about answering the so far unanswerable questions? Can do a recap if needed, we've all slept since then. Or are we back to basic slagging?

😂 sometimes less really is more.

Ahhhh! Less is more! All makes sense now. Clears everything up. Good o.

Apologies, I misread this nugget of nonsense as being from you

@Forgooodnesssakenow Ah, I see, no problem

So smacking is fine and also no need to believe children when they tell you someone hurt them. Lovely.

I was smacked very rarely, just a handful of times , as a kid. Smacked by my mother, on the bum, with an open hand.

It was traumatising. Not necessarily the physical pain, but the violence of the act: the abuse of power, the indignity/ degrading nature of the action, the violation of my bodily integrity. I felt exactly the same rage and distress as I felt when my mum slapped me across the face once as an adult. The difference is, that as an adult I had choices- to leave- to set a boundary. As a child I was defenceless. There’s was nothing I could do except internalise that rage, which burns in my mind as a lasting, vivid memory.

It is never ok to hit a child. Never. In the same way that it is never ok to hit an adult. Yes it happens sometimes; it doesn’t mean you don’t love that person, or that you are a terrible human. I still have a relationship with my mother and I know she does love me. But it is wrong and violent and abusive to hit your small child, just like it is wrong and violent and abusive to hit your grown, adult child, or your partner, or any other person. That’s all there is to it.

I checked out because - as I said upthread - when it comes to smacking children, there is no discussion to be had IMO.

Smacking, or any sort of physical chastisement - that is, to deliberately inflict physical pain upon a child in the name of discipline - is an abuse of power. It doesn't matter how articulate someone is, or how well formed their argument might be, I will never, ever think it's OK. So I'm not going to waste my energy on people who do.

I agree with everything @ReneBumsWombats and @GoldDuster have said.

Just seen this on Facebook. You've made main stream media @ranblungs

Despite some hoohaa I'm pleased to see that the majority of posters agree with OP and think that slapping children is not a good thing.

I'm also heartened that most of those who were hit by their parents havent gone on to hit their own children, even if some can't articulate why, which might mean that it will naturally die out as an acceptable thing to do. It seems to be very much on the ropes at least.

Which for me is a good thing.

Now excuse me while I nip out and take down an antelope, the kids are all home and they're starving!

This. Complete agreement

It's ironic to try to end this conversation by insisting those passionately arguing that children being hit is wrong are the aggressive ones. While those advocating for the good in hitting children are what? The voice of reason? Victims of aggression?

I'm very, very comfortable with people who assault children, or excuse it, thinking I'm insane for being passionately against it. Very, very comfortable.

That's a fine note for me to start the week on.

Well aren't you the mane event. 🦁

I'm not sure if "still talks to" is the goal, but good on you if that works for you.

And what are you saying with that comment @ReneBumsWombats ? All I am saying is that I have never routinely been beaten, but that because I was occasionally physically chastised, I remember the reasons why I was, and as an adult, I think it was probably deserved.

Fot the record, DS and I are very close. Very open.

I may be wong but perhaps it references this?

I laughed a lot on this thread yesterday (and I did feel a bit bad because child assault, which is the actual issue at hand, is very serious), but now I'm roaring.

Nobody should take pride in assaulting kids.

🦁

I've watched Attenborough docs, and generally I have seen mummy mammals give their little darlings give their babies a fairly sharp nudge into normal behaviour.

But then they grow up and they don't take it lion down.

Several mammal species (up to one in three, apparently) eat their young.

Should we start doing that too?