Page 24 | Grandfather smacked DS bottom

ranblungs · 2023-02-21T14:35:07+00:00

DS can have meltdowns/big tantrums, usually when he's very tired. More so when he's at his grandparents' house (ex's parents). They have communicated to me that they found his behaviour very difficult at one point, but it seems to have resolved now. ExDP did live with them but moved our two weeks ago. DS (aged 4) told me yesterday evening that grandad had smacked his bottom because he was being naughty and that it "really hurt" he got upset as he was telling me and cried. I get the impression this wasn't necessarily recent. DS also can play up at bed time when he is there and he told me that grandad pushes him back onto the bed for being naughty at bed time. I'm not sure what to do next? They are huge sources of childcare, ExDP is supposed to have him two nights per week but often works away so they will have him. They also help out during the week as/when needed. The relationship between us was once very strained when DS was tiny. I am furious that he has hit my child. Am I overreacting as it was just a smack on the bottom? DS can be very challenging there.

EffortlessDesmond · 25/02/2023 22:09

Have you ever watched David Attenborough? How do lions teach their cubs the rules?

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 22:09

EffortlessDesmond · 25/02/2023 22:06

I haven't run out of answers... I just think you are looking for a fight.

The fact that you can't think of any other reason why someone would question your willingness to hit children is both telling and ironic.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 25/02/2023 22:10

And why were they better?
they're weren't necessarily better, they were different.

GoldDuster · 25/02/2023 22:10

Well, that's a very good point. Thankfully I've got opposable thumbs and access to a wealth of research done over decades into child development because in our house we have books and the internet and I don't have to chase a zebra down the road and drag it into the kitchen for tea.

WarningToTheCurious · 25/02/2023 22:11

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 22:05

I wish the hitters and their cheerleaders would stop going on about how they still talk to their children/parents as if that's some amazing achievement.

We know that hitters often continue to have a relationship with their children. Nobody has denied it, although people who mentioned the trauma it caused them have been discredited and insulted by the hitting squad. It takes a lot to destroy the parent/child relationship.

But that doesn't mean hitting children isn't objectively wrong, as the evidence now shows, and inexorably associated with more negative outcomes.

Any relationship that survived it did so in spite of it being a shitty technique rooted in pain and humiliation as communication methods or, more often, just a plain failure on the parent's part to control themselves.

At least in the 80s and earlier we could pretend we didn't know how bad it was, and maybe some people really did think assault was terrific parenting. Nowadays there is simply no excuse.

Rene, how is your relationship with your parents?

They were “hitters”. Do you still have a relationship with them?

If yes, why?

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 22:12

EffortlessDesmond · 25/02/2023 22:09

Have you ever watched David Attenborough? How do lions teach their cubs the rules?

Oh, do you live with five other women and all share the same man who leaves his poo out on the ground to deter intruders?

EffortlessDesmond · 25/02/2023 22:14

But could you do so, if it was necessary? Sorry, I also have opposable thumbs, and books and the internet, and I just disagree with you.

WarningToTheCurious · 25/02/2023 22:15

EffortlessDesmond · 25/02/2023 22:14

But could you do so, if it was necessary? Sorry, I also have opposable thumbs, and books and the internet, and I just disagree with you.

Brava!

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 22:16

EffortlessDesmond · 25/02/2023 22:14

But could you do so, if it was necessary? Sorry, I also have opposable thumbs, and books and the internet, and I just disagree with you.

It's not necessary. It's now known to be actively harmful. And we aren't lions. That's the point.

GoldDuster · 25/02/2023 22:16

Could I do what? Pretend to be a lion?

Probably... not? Is that what you do? Pretend to be a lion in times of parental strife? I mean, it's not one I've considered up until now but maybe...?

GoldDuster · 25/02/2023 22:17

Do I have to bite them too? How about lick them? I'm not sure I'm up for it.

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 22:18

GoldDuster · 25/02/2023 22:16

Could I do what? Pretend to be a lion?

Probably... not? Is that what you do? Pretend to be a lion in times of parental strife? I mean, it's not one I've considered up until now but maybe...?

It makes as much sense as anything else they've been offering up.

Hakuna Matata!

GoldDuster · 25/02/2023 22:18

Honestly, if you're struggling for ideas there are heaps of books on this, without going all animal.

grumpycow1 · 25/02/2023 22:18

Is there anyone at the nursery you can pay for babysitting that might want extra cash? Not ideal financially but if you could stretch it to keep your job? Or switch from nursery to childminder that can do longer hours, might be cheaper? I would report the grandad to the police. As soon as your son told you you have a duty to protect him, I know it seems harsh but it’s the only way you can be sure it will stop.

GoldDuster · 25/02/2023 22:28

You know, I've been giving that lion thing a few minutes of serious consideration, so as not to be dismissive, and I've come to the conclusion there are more things that lions do that would be wholly inappropriate for humans to do, than there are things that would be a good idea.

I literally can't think of anything other than a spot of sunbathing and a nice lie down after dinner that would be advisable.

Emmamoo89 · 25/02/2023 22:28

grumpycow1 · 25/02/2023 22:18

Is there anyone at the nursery you can pay for babysitting that might want extra cash? Not ideal financially but if you could stretch it to keep your job? Or switch from nursery to childminder that can do longer hours, might be cheaper? I would report the grandad to the police. As soon as your son told you you have a duty to protect him, I know it seems harsh but it’s the only way you can be sure it will stop.

The police would laugh

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 22:29

Emmamoo89 · 25/02/2023 22:28

The police would laugh

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And that's even before they read the bollocks the hitting squad has been coming out with.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 25/02/2023 22:31

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 25/02/2023 22:06

If hitting is such a useful tool and so harmless why didn't you hit your children?
I have already answered this; by the time I had my kids smacking was becoming very unpopular-far easier for me to work on other discipline techniques.

But if smacking had been popular you'd have clipped them round the ear? What a ridiculous bit of reasoning. If hitting is quick and easy and effective why look at different ways at all?

GoldDuster · 25/02/2023 22:34

The police would laugh

Probably not quite as loud as if they contacted the grandfather and he said he'd been taking inspiration from David Attenborough documentaries and was channeling an Lion when the children got a bit much as he was out of other ideas.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 25/02/2023 22:34

WarningToTheCurious · 25/02/2023 22:11

Rene, how is your relationship with your parents?

They were “hitters”. Do you still have a relationship with them?

If yes, why?

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I know you're not addressing me but my dad was a hitter as detailed earlier. I've not spoken to him in around 15 years, as soon as he finally left my mum and I could see the rest of my family without him there. It's been such a relief to be rid of him.

ReneBumsWombats · 25/02/2023 22:35

GoldDuster · 25/02/2023 22:34

The police would laugh

Probably not quite as loud as if they contacted the grandfather and he said he'd been taking inspiration from David Attenborough documentaries and was channeling an Lion when the children got a bit much as he was out of other ideas.

I've done a fair bit of chuckling this evening (it's what's kept me going) but I properly fucking lolled at this.

WarningToTheCurious · 25/02/2023 22:38

Forgooodnesssakenow · 25/02/2023 22:34

I know you're not addressing me but my dad was a hitter as detailed earlier. I've not spoken to him in around 15 years, as soon as he finally left my mum and I could see the rest of my family without him there. It's been such a relief to be rid of him.

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I’m sorry to hear that.

I’m still interested to hear from Rene

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 25/02/2023 22:41

But if smacking had been popular you'd have clipped them round the ear? What a ridiculous bit of reasoning. If hitting is quick and easy and effective why look at different ways at all?

Very obtuse reply. For a start, I was never 'clipped round the ear', neither do I think that is a reasonable chastisement, and where have I ever said the words 'hitting is quick, easy and effective'?
Stop putting your ridiculous words in my mouth.

DonnaBanana · 25/02/2023 23:01

I would rather be broke and unemployed than have a job and my child being in an abusive violent environment.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 26/02/2023 04:30

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 25/02/2023 22:41

But if smacking had been popular you'd have clipped them round the ear? What a ridiculous bit of reasoning. If hitting is quick and easy and effective why look at different ways at all?

Very obtuse reply. For a start, I was never 'clipped round the ear', neither do I think that is a reasonable chastisement, and where have I ever said the words 'hitting is quick, easy and effective'?
Stop putting your ridiculous words in my mouth.

hink small children understand a small tap on the bum (not a beating that leaves visible evidence) QUICKER AND fASTER than endless mummy pleadings.

Apologies, I misread this nugget of nonsense as being from you