Asking him to get rid of his dog after 7 years?

[Uktousa2022]

I am moving to the USA to be with my fiance. He has a pitbull/lab who has previously bit a little yorkie, the yorkie did start the fight, however unfortunately the yorkie died because the pitbull punctured a lung after 1 bite.

I have 2 cavalier dogs. I have extreme anxiety about taking my 2 dogs over there to live with this dog that has previously bit before. My fiancé says it was a total one off, he has since been neutered and is older now, and it was the other dogs fault. I have met the dog and it does pretty much sleep all day.

I just don't know if I can live my life anxious always watching my dogs around this dog - It is a small house - I really don't know how to get over this as we are both refusing to rehome our dogs. He does have family nearby that he could probably give him too, I would be going out to the US with just my dogs.

Not directly relevant to the dog situation, but I have so many questions! How long have you known this chap, how will you plus him three dogs and a baby manage in a small house, will you be reliant on him financially, will you be working?

Based on your other thread ... I wouldn't take my beloved spaniels to live with someone who described the Yorkie who riled up his dog as "an asshole" and is brushing off your concerns.

Has he taken any positive steps to protect other dogs from his dog?

Has his dog ever been around children? Have the two of you ever had a conversation about what to do with his dog if you have a baby and it shows signs of aggression?

Does he brush off your concerns about other things too?

You are taking a huge, huge risk by moving. As you know, you'll have to get married very quickly to comply with US immigration law, making it more difficult for you to back out if living together (for the first time?) isn't working out well. You need a partner who can listen to your concerns and empathise and support, rather than brush you off or shift blame (what will happen if one of your dogs is "an asshole" to his)?

Potentially, but even he admits in the UK people treat dogs like children, whereas in the US they just have a dog to have a dog in the home. My life does sort of revolve around my dogs, and if anything happend, knowing i put them in that stiatuion, i would feel terrible. They have a good life here. Crazy I know

I would give up a person before I gave up my dog.
How would you feel if he was coming to live over here with his dog, but he told you that you had to give up your dogs first?
You wouldn't be happy with that I bet.

This with bells on

From your overall tone, I don’t think you actually want to move. Regardless of the dogs.
The feeling I get from you, is that you need to reconsider the move and this man.

I would worry about any dog accepting other dogs onto his territory. We have a Jack Russell who is friendly to dogs outside but won’t accept them in the house or garden at all. How will you know until you get there?

OP, plenty of people in America treat their dogs like children, including my family (though it is more common that they spend the day alone than here in the UK). He is treating his dog this way through his own choice.

Again, I apologize for sounding negative, but don't be afraid to back out of this because you're worried about feeling embarrassed or humiliated. It's hard to turn away when you've already built up a romance and your friends and family know you're planning to move, but it's INCREDIBLY hard to start life over again in another country, with a partner who isn't 100% supportive of you. There is nothing shameful about being mature enough to tell people, "I thought it over some more and realized the relationship wasn't the right choice after all" and moving on with your life.

It’s a Pitbull. YANBU. However I’d rather give up my dogs before moving there than live with the anxiety of when it would kill another dog (your own )

he admits in the UK people treat dogs like children, whereas in the US they just have a dog to have a dog in the home.

Abundantly untrue Uktoussa2022 This is how he feels but it is not true of any American I know who owns a dog! They are members of the family just as your two are.

Your American sounds awful. Can't believe you are giving up everything here to live with him.

How long have you known your man and have you spent much time together? You sound very different to each other. Your dogs have a nice life I think that might change.....

You’re a dog lover, which is why you want your boyfriend’s dog ripped away from his home and given to someone else, so that you can move into it’s home? Okaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy

If you're wanting to start a family with this man whilst he has a pit bull in your house then your dogs are the least of your worries. It would be hugely irresponsible to have a baby in a house where there are aggressive dogs, I include your snappy dog in that.

You are NOT being unreasonable. At least not in the sense that you don't want to put your dogs in danger. I'd be concerned too about you each having a very different attitude toward pets. What's his view about kids?

I would be thinking very seriously about moving so far to be with someone who has such a different outlook on life.

I honestly feel if you take your dogs there to live with him you will be in effect 'giving up' your dogs, as his will very lucky kill or injure them. If his does hurt them out there and he still refuses to give his up, you'd have to either leave him or rehome your dogs in a country where you don't have people you can trust.

I would absolutely, definitely, not take them. Leave them with friends or family here. If you can't go without them, then don't go.

Even if this yorkie did 'provoke' his dog, it delivered a killing bite to a breed that can't possibly have made it feel physically threatened. This is not normal behaviour for most breeds.

Check out the blog 'dogs bite' - pitbulls do not behave like other dogs, and being neglected is doing nothing to make this dog safer for dogs or children (or you, frankly).

How well do you know this guy? Seems a big move into a situation that makes you very uncomfortable, with plans to have kids ‘very soon’.

The dog actually doesnt have much of a life - it is usually in a crate all day while he is at work - then at night just sleeps on the sofa with him and in bed

How old is his dog, @Uktousa2022 ?

I wouldn’t move my dog in with a pit bull who are a banned breed in the U.K. The dog isn’t exercised enough either. But no I wouldn’t expect him to give up his dog either

Can I sk a honest question if he did agree to lose the dog would you be ok with that because it is clear his relationship with the dog is not the same as yours and doesn’t look after him properly

This. I can't see this working tbh. I wouldn't have a baby in a house with a dog that had killed another dog whatever the circumstances.

Also a dog left in a crate all day is likely to have a few mental health issues, and might be jealous of you and your dogs which might make him more reacitve.

And I don't think I could fancy a man that thinks its fine to keep a dog in a crate all day.

I don’t actually think this comes down to the dogs. I think this comes down to you having anxiety about whether this move is really the right thing for you and that’s totally understandable. I have several takes on this:

1. You’re making the move and giving up your life. If he was that serious about you, wouldn’t he give up the dog to prove how serious he is?
2. The dog is violent when provoked. What if that Yorkie had been a baby? I certainly wouldn’t want to be around a dangerous dog so don’t downplay it.
3. Why can’t he move to be with you?
4. Could you compromise and give up both dogs?
5. If you can’t agree on something as simple as a dog, how is this going to work in the long run?

Sorry to bombard you and don’t feel you have to answer. It’s more food for thought really. His attitude towards this issue doesn’t sound fantastic if I’m honest.

I think that this relationship is doomed, I'd be reconsidering the move OP.

Becauseit was his dog tgat killed another dog?!

You 're giving up your life here and moving to a different place. At least you should be able to bring your dogs!

Off topic but have you considered the implication of having a child/children in an international relationship if that relationship breaks down? You may find you are then 'trapped' in the US as you aren't allowed to take the child/ren out of the country.
A relative of mine was in that situation and had a few really awful years when she longed to move back to the UK to be with friends and family but would have had to leave her children behind. She has now built herself a new life with a new friends, a great job and recently a new relationship and an OK co-parenting relationship but she had a miserable few years. I know no-one wants to think of a marriage ending or a relationship breaking down but when you are from different countries you have to think through the consequences.