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Original poster

Asking him to get rid of his dog after 7 years?

483 replies

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 16:00

I am moving to the USA to be with my fiance. He has a pitbull/lab who has previously bit a little yorkie, the yorkie did start the fight, however unfortunately the yorkie died because the pitbull punctured a lung after 1 bite.

I have 2 cavalier dogs. I have extreme anxiety about taking my 2 dogs over there to live with this dog that has previously bit before. My fiancé says it was a total one off, he has since been neutered and is older now, and it was the other dogs fault. I have met the dog and it does pretty much sleep all day.

I just don't know if I can live my life anxious always watching my dogs around this dog - It is a small house - I really don't know how to get over this as we are both refusing to rehome our dogs. He does have family nearby that he could probably give him too, I would be going out to the US with just my dogs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 22:05

CJsGoldfish · 20/02/2023 21:56

No one is this stupid, surely. This isn't real, right?

Giving up ones entire life to go have babies with a stranger who hasn't even bothered to put their 'best' foot forward to get you there. He's shown you who he is and you don't particularly seem to care in the rush to have babies. How about you think of these potential children and the very great disservice, to put it lightly, you'd be doing them. Do you really need to be as selfish as he is?

This is nothing but a shitshow and will not end well. That's not a guess and the ONLY person who can't see it is the one who's going to lose everything. Don't care? Fine. Why post? You do you and we'll see you again when it all goes to shit and there are children who will be suffering as well 🤷‍♀️

When I say have kids I hope people realise in the next few years not tomorrow.. damn.

OP posts:
Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 22:08

CJsGoldfish · 20/02/2023 21:56

No one is this stupid, surely. This isn't real, right?

Giving up ones entire life to go have babies with a stranger who hasn't even bothered to put their 'best' foot forward to get you there. He's shown you who he is and you don't particularly seem to care in the rush to have babies. How about you think of these potential children and the very great disservice, to put it lightly, you'd be doing them. Do you really need to be as selfish as he is?

This is nothing but a shitshow and will not end well. That's not a guess and the ONLY person who can't see it is the one who's going to lose everything. Don't care? Fine. Why post? You do you and we'll see you again when it all goes to shit and there are children who will be suffering as well 🤷‍♀️

Can I ask what you mean by best foot forward? He has actually moved and rented a new place just for me and my dogs, put a fence up for them etc. yes I agree emotionally he might not be as considerate as he should be, and stubborn with the dog issue. To say he shouldn’t have kids I’m not sure I agree with, he is a great godfather, and uncle as it goes. Appreciate the advice and hope you reply. What do you mean by shown me who he is too? Thanks.

OP posts:
Name99 · 20/02/2023 22:15

How old are you OP, you sound quite young, why such a rush with this guy?

milkyaqua · 20/02/2023 22:22

Yeah, this won't end well on any level.

AlmostSpring2023 · 20/02/2023 22:26

You'd be NUTS to go, to be with this dickhead.

you've known him 5 minutes.

he's saying what you're giving up is nothing.

he treats his dog terribly

you get pregnant you're stuck there for st least 2 decades

IF this is even real?!?!

go if you're too stupid not to see the issues, but do your dogs a favour and rehome them here.

don't fly them thousands of miles, to be killed either by the flight or by his dog.

StarDolphins · 20/02/2023 22:32

I would never give up my dog, ‘til death do us part. I would also never ask anyone to give up their dog.

i think you’re making too big a deal over this, just introduce the dogs v v slowly with patience.

His dog has been with him for 7 years, make it work.

Shame on him & you if his dog is made homeless.

OttersMayHaveShiftedInTransit · 20/02/2023 22:33

Well you could tell to get rid of his dog and when he says no tell him it's OK because he will have your dog's. If friends and family are interchangeable then surely dogs must be too. When he still says no you might start to get the message.

SunscreenCentral · 20/02/2023 23:14

If you get pregnant and have a baby in the US you won't be able to leave the US with your baby unless this guy says so.

Think about that, and never mind the feckin dogs.

whynotwhatknot · 20/02/2023 23:27

hes not giving up anything and youre giving up everything=think about that op

Schnooze · 21/02/2023 00:04

You say he sleeps with his dog. I can’t see the dog accepting you in his masters bed, let alone two other dogs invading his territory. Especially when they get lots of fuss, walks etc.

Astrak · 21/02/2023 00:23

In the OP's circumstances, I certainly would not be taking any companion animal to the USA. Too much change and too long a flight.
Rehome them together in UK, or wait until the other dog is no longer there.

LoisLane66 · 21/02/2023 01:25

Who will be looking after the dogs while you both work? Who will walk them? Remember, with dogs, you can't just swan off for a night out or weekend away without them, unless you have a pet sitter willing to dog-sit and they're going to cost a lot of moolah in insurance, food etc.

LoisLane66 · 21/02/2023 01:50

Could you manage 3 dogs occasionally if he wasn't able to take his to work with him all the time? What about 3 dogs and a baby and no job? Worst case scenario 🤔😟
Are the shops local? Have you ever driven on the RHS of the road? Will his vehicle hold 3 dogs? Will you have a car? What about the proliferation of gun crime?
I wouldn't live there in any state if you paid me and Americans have some weird ways and horrible food.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 21/02/2023 02:29

Don't go. I don't care how much I loved a man, I would never move to America, I certainly would never have children there. You have to be crazy to move to America. If he loves you that much he'd move to the UK. Where any children you have will have rights including the right to go to school without being shot, and access health care including abortion. What are you even doing even considering moving there? Don't bring innocent children into the mix.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 21/02/2023 02:42

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 17:01

He said the pitbull will "defend" his baby because he will protect it and love it like his own, because he will be able to sense that it is his kid.

Show quote history

That's even worse. It is selfish and cruel of you to have children in the US but to have them in the same house as a pitbull? That is beyond irresponsible and selfish. Give your head a wobble! Cancel the move and snap the hell out of it before you make a whole string of huge, huge mistakes! This has disaster written all over it on so many levels. And your fiance sounds like a selfish, irresponsible worthless pos. Get some self respect.

HateEatingInTheDark · 21/02/2023 02:48

Dont give up your life stay wherever it is that you live….

Sorted….

Next

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 21/02/2023 02:50

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 18:59

Can i ask what things? In terms of the family friends being interchangable, he also said i always can go back and see them and spend longer perioids with them, although i know its not that easy. He has moved states before so probably it doesnt scare him moving etc. He also owns his own business hence why he couldnt move here.

Show quote history

He could choose to sell the business and move here. But he doesn't love you enough to do that, does he? He would if he truly loved you. You've got mixed up with a real pos OP, you really have. He's garbage. Snap out of it before you move to a shit country where you have no reproductive rights and your kids could be shot in a school shooting, and no real healthcare. Do you realise they have no maternity leave in America? No minimum wage, no sick days and only 2 weeks paid leave? Is this the shithole you want to raise innocent children in? Kindly - ffs, snap out of this hold he has on you, don't move. He is garbage and not worth fucking up your life and that of any kids life you have. It WILL be the worst mistake of your life, and you WILL look back on this thread when you're trapped, and wish you had have listened to us. Find yourself a real man in the UK where you have maternity leave, health care, reproductive rights etc.

CJsGoldfish · 21/02/2023 03:03

When I say have kids I hope people realise in the next few years not tomorrow.. damn

RealBecca · Yesterday 16:20
Do you want kids with him?
Yes , soon

Can I ask what you mean by best foot forward? He has actually moved and rented a new place just for me and my dogs, put a fence up for them etc. yes I agree emotionally he might not be as considerate as he should be, and stubborn with the dog issue. To say he shouldn’t have kids I’m not sure I agree with, he is a great godfather, and uncle as it goes. Appreciate the advice and hope you reply. What do you mean by shown me who he is too? Thanks

He's a grown up so renting a new place ie moving out of mummy's isn't the yardstick you seem to think it is.
By your own words, he's not particularly considerate and is stubborn. To not think the adjustment is a 'big deal' is another insight into who he is. You are the one giving up everything and he doesn't think it's a 'big deal' Why, because you'll have HIS friends and family. How convenient for him
His downplaying of the death caused by his dog, because the other dog was an "arsehole" combined with the fact that he crates his dog all day isnt a red flag to you?

In terms of the family friends being interchangable, he also said i always can go back and see them and spend longer perioids with them, although i know its not that easy
Anyone who has ever made such a move knows how unreaslistic this actually is. There is absolutely nothing redeeming in anything you have posted.

Oh, and I didn't actually say he shouldn't have kids. I do think anyone planning to have a baby with a stranger, and that IS what he is, is pretty selfish and
the potential for harm is too high. You DON'T know him no matter what you believe. The red flags are blinding. You will never be able to leave the US with your child/ren if it goes sideways. And it will.

Gremlinsateit · 21/02/2023 03:11

Oh goodness, please don’t move to the US to live with the dangerous dog owning, alpha male, who can’t handle criticism.

SaorsaSolasta · 21/02/2023 05:16

Please reconsider the move. It's too soon and there are so many red flags. He does not sound like a good partner at all. Do not put your dogs in that situation, it's too risky. From the way you've described both his dog's and your dog's behaviour there will definitely be conflict and your dogs will likely end up dead or severely injured.

GGMTJ · 21/02/2023 05:29

Well, I wouldn’t bring a baby into a house with a pit bull so it would be a non starter for me.

don’t do it, op. You barely know him and what you do know isn’t good- he mistreats his dangerous dog and he expects you to give everything up to be with him. Why would you do this? What’s in it for you? And if the relationship breaks down you will be properly screwed and forced to stay there or lose your children.

This issue with the dogs is just the first issue you’ll face together, and how he’s behaving now shows you how he’ll behave int he future- no regard for you or your feelings, it’s his way or the highway. You can do a lot better.

GGMTJ · 21/02/2023 05:40

My dog will defend that baby to the death of him because he knows it is my kid and part of me"

PS he is a moron. Please don’t trust him with dog safety or anything else.

CJsGoldfish · 21/02/2023 06:07

My dog will defend that baby to the death of him because he knows it is my kid and part of me"

PS he is a moron. Please don’t trust him with dog safety or anything else.

Yes. Yes he is. I can't imagine a universe in which I could ever be attracted to someone so stupid they'd utter those words. What an embarrassing and desperate place to be

HoppingPavlova · 21/02/2023 06:09

He said the pitbull will "defend" his baby because he will protect it and love it like his own, because he will be able to sense that it is his kid.

Ive heard a lot of dumb things in my time but that’s right up there. This guy has rocks in his head. If you have a child while that dog is there you should have it taken away. More likely it will be jealous and bide its time. Absolutely amazed you are worried about your dogs but the also very real danger to a baby is glossed over and you listen to his lunatic ravings on the matter.

Letstaketotheskies · 21/02/2023 06:12

Forget the dogs for a minute.

Whatever you do, do not have a baby in the UA until you have the status to remain there and work there independently of your relationship with your fiancé.
The worst case scenario is you have the baby and then break up. The baby will be an American citizen and you won’t be able to just move home to the UK with the baby. So before getting to that point, you need to know you could legally stay in the USA and support yourself and your child if the relationship fails. (You would get child support from their dad + shared custody or visitation of course).