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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asking him to get rid of his dog after 7 years?

483 replies

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 16:00

I am moving to the USA to be with my fiance. He has a pitbull/lab who has previously bit a little yorkie, the yorkie did start the fight, however unfortunately the yorkie died because the pitbull punctured a lung after 1 bite.

I have 2 cavalier dogs. I have extreme anxiety about taking my 2 dogs over there to live with this dog that has previously bit before. My fiancé says it was a total one off, he has since been neutered and is older now, and it was the other dogs fault. I have met the dog and it does pretty much sleep all day.

I just don't know if I can live my life anxious always watching my dogs around this dog - It is a small house - I really don't know how to get over this as we are both refusing to rehome our dogs. He does have family nearby that he could probably give him too, I would be going out to the US with just my dogs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 20:27

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

He moved to Colorado with an ex gf, lived there for 3 years, it didnt work out so he came home and started a business, which is his (not his dads as others suggest)

OP posts:
Fancysauce · 20/02/2023 20:28

What's the rush?

ItchyBillco · 20/02/2023 20:29

You don’t know this guy, OP. You met him five months ago. You’re uprooting your whole life. You have no plan except to apparently have kids soon. What do you have planned for healthcare?

He’s a strange with a pitbull that’s already killed and that he routinely mistreats.

Kindly, what the fuck are you thinking?

Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 20:31

ItchyBillco · 20/02/2023 20:29

You don’t know this guy, OP. You met him five months ago. You’re uprooting your whole life. You have no plan except to apparently have kids soon. What do you have planned for healthcare?

He’s a strange with a pitbull that’s already killed and that he routinely mistreats.

Kindly, what the fuck are you thinking?

Lol, fair comment. My work will provide healthcare if I get to keep my current job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 20:31

ItchyBillco · 20/02/2023 20:29

You don’t know this guy, OP. You met him five months ago. You’re uprooting your whole life. You have no plan except to apparently have kids soon. What do you have planned for healthcare?

He’s a strange with a pitbull that’s already killed and that he routinely mistreats.

Kindly, what the fuck are you thinking?

He does love his dog, it has travelled the US with him. He has started leaving him out the crate, but i agree it is cruel to leave a dog in a crate for 7 hours

OP posts:
CandidaAlbicans2 · 20/02/2023 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cocobutt · 20/02/2023 20:36

and started a business, which is his (not his dads as others suggest)

So he runs his own business, which is doing so well he employs his dad.

He’s going to financially support you if you can’t get work.

Yet he lives in his mums house?!

If he is so financially stable then why is he living with his mum and not in his own house that he’s brought?

Come on now OP.
You are too old to be this stupid.

KettrickenSmiled · 20/02/2023 20:41

Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 20:27

He moved to Colorado with an ex gf, lived there for 3 years, it didnt work out so he came home and started a business, which is his (not his dads as others suggest)

Show quote history

His dad's car business, as YOU said. On this very thread.

Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 20:46

Cocobutt · 20/02/2023 20:36

and started a business, which is his (not his dads as others suggest)

So he runs his own business, which is doing so well he employs his dad.

He’s going to financially support you if you can’t get work.

Yet he lives in his mums house?!

If he is so financially stable then why is he living with his mum and not in his own house that he’s brought?

Come on now OP.
You are too old to be this stupid.

The business was only started in august. He has never once pretended to be rich or have tons and tons of money. The business is doing well though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 20:47

Cocobutt · 20/02/2023 20:36

and started a business, which is his (not his dads as others suggest)

So he runs his own business, which is doing so well he employs his dad.

He’s going to financially support you if you can’t get work.

Yet he lives in his mums house?!

If he is so financially stable then why is he living with his mum and not in his own house that he’s brought?

Come on now OP.
You are too old to be this stupid.

And he’s now renting a place, for me to move into.

OP posts:
Cocobutt · 20/02/2023 20:52

The business was only started in august. He has never once pretended to be rich or have tons and tons of money. The business is doing well though.

Of course it was, just before you met how convenient.

So how is he going to financially support you?

If it’s doing so well then why is he going into a rented place and not buying his own?

He would have saved up from living at his mums house for a deposit surely?

If he’s earning enough to support 2 adults then he’s earning enough to buy someone and not throw away his money in rent.

Merryoldgoat · 20/02/2023 20:55

Sweet Jesus. I said this before on a different thread but I honestly try not to think people are stupid and then you get this bollocks.

Romeiswheretheheartis · 20/02/2023 20:57

I just don't know if I can live my life anxious always watching my dogs around this dog - It is a small house

I would definitely not move the dogs in with his. If you really must go, can't you live separately while you spend more time getting to know him? It seems madness to move in with someone you barely know, and have all this worry about your dogs too.

BramblyHedgeMouse · 20/02/2023 20:59

OP have you looked at sites where expats discuss their experience? It would be a really good place for you to hear about the practicalities regarding getting a visa, finding a job, having a child in the UK, childcare costs etc…
You also need to understand homesickness. You’re already anticipating to be depressed. You won’t be able to pop over to your family for a cuppa, you can’t go shopping with your best friend, you may not find your favourite food at the supermarket, your favourite program on TV, the weather might be different etc.. it can be very unsettling
On top of that you won’t have a job for maybe months after you arrive…
You’ll either resent your fiance for having to leave your dogs in the UK or he’ll resent you for having to give up his dog.
You will lose every future disagreement because he’s an « alpha male » and has to be right.
Do you really see the future as happy? Because it sounds like you have hesitations.
You shouldn’t be embarrassed to make the decision that is right for you if you want to cancel or postpone.

VeryUnstableGenius · 20/02/2023 21:00

YANBU why wasn’t the dog destroyed after it killed another dog? That’s a dangerous dog by definition

TheFireflies · 20/02/2023 21:01

You refuse to answer questions about your age, OP.

there are three possibilities I think.

  1. you are very young which would explain your staggering naïveté.
  2. you are getting to the age where you’re desperate for a child and any man will do, even in this highly precarious and potentially devastating situation.
  3. you like a bit of creative writing.
MGMidget · 20/02/2023 21:01

OP, all these comments must be hard to read. However, your description of an alpha male, who doesn’t like criticism, owns a pitbull that he keeps in a crate all day and expects you to see it as no bit deal to uproot yourself to the US after you have spent 8 weeks in total in his company rings big alarm bells. Is he very loving and attentive when he is with you by any chance? I am wondering if his behaviour has swept you off your feet? If so try researching ‘love bombing’ and how it can be used to lure someone in to a dominating/abusive relationship. You dont know this man well yet and there are some red flags. I would definitely slow things down and allow more time to see how this relationship develops and get to know him much better before you consider uprooting your life.

ItchyBillco · 20/02/2023 21:02

OP, are you lonely and think this is your only option?

amusedbush · 20/02/2023 21:04

I'm gobsmacked that a 30 year old woman is giddily saying "lol" after describing her short-term boyfriend as a headstrong alpha male who owns an aggressive dog and always has to be right. What about that is "lol"? Are you marrying Joe Rogan?? The man is a walking red flag. I'd love to hear his thoughts on gun control Hmm

He sounds like a fucking arsehole and you'd be insane to move over there, never mind procreate with him. I say that as someone whose best friend married an American very quickly, gave up absolutely everything to be with him in the US when he got deported from the UK and is miserable over there.

pinksheetss · 20/02/2023 21:06

You keep changing your story and it's not adding up.
I think you are looking for ways for this to be his fault.

Sounds like your own dog has issues if it growls and snarls at people regularly.

TangledWebOfDeception · 20/02/2023 21:25
Hmm
Gazelda · 20/02/2023 21:27

OP, what does your most trusted friend say about your plans? Does she think it's a fantastic idea? Does she suggest you wait another couple of years? Does she suggest you forget the idea entirely?

Derbee · 20/02/2023 21:32

Half term! Not even remotely believable. More holes than a sieve. Sorry, not good enough 😂

CJsGoldfish · 20/02/2023 21:56

No one is this stupid, surely. This isn't real, right?

Giving up ones entire life to go have babies with a stranger who hasn't even bothered to put their 'best' foot forward to get you there. He's shown you who he is and you don't particularly seem to care in the rush to have babies. How about you think of these potential children and the very great disservice, to put it lightly, you'd be doing them. Do you really need to be as selfish as he is?

This is nothing but a shitshow and will not end well. That's not a guess and the ONLY person who can't see it is the one who's going to lose everything. Don't care? Fine. Why post? You do you and we'll see you again when it all goes to shit and there are children who will be suffering as well 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Uktousa2022 · 20/02/2023 22:04

BramblyHedgeMouse · 20/02/2023 20:59

OP have you looked at sites where expats discuss their experience? It would be a really good place for you to hear about the practicalities regarding getting a visa, finding a job, having a child in the UK, childcare costs etc…
You also need to understand homesickness. You’re already anticipating to be depressed. You won’t be able to pop over to your family for a cuppa, you can’t go shopping with your best friend, you may not find your favourite food at the supermarket, your favourite program on TV, the weather might be different etc.. it can be very unsettling
On top of that you won’t have a job for maybe months after you arrive…
You’ll either resent your fiance for having to leave your dogs in the UK or he’ll resent you for having to give up his dog.
You will lose every future disagreement because he’s an « alpha male » and has to be right.
Do you really see the future as happy? Because it sounds like you have hesitations.
You shouldn’t be embarrassed to make the decision that is right for you if you want to cancel or postpone.

Thank you. Really really good advice. I actually have researched pros and cons, and expat forums. Not great I must say. I am fully aware that I will need the dogs there with me for my mental health, which unfortunately makes this so much harder. Idk where to go from here…

OP posts: