To not want to commit to child's party 3 months ahead?

[MsMarch]

I'm all for planning ahead, but a new thing in the DC's school seems to be that people are putting kids parties in the diaries up to 3 months ahead. Obviously, I get it - they want to plan and know that their child's friends can come but the two most recent are both for Sundays in April and May.

And with the best will in the world, we haven't planned our family activities that far ahead. eg, MIL wants to visit after Easter but we're not exactly sure when she'll be here and now we've got two weekends in a row earmarked for children's parties.

I know, it sounds like I'm just doing a version of FOMO but it's not that. It's just that there are a lot of things that we might need to organise but that we're NOT organising this far ahead and now if I agree to the parties, everything we need to do has to be organised around them and quite honestly, I don't want to have to organise a family bloody bbq three months ahead!

If I was the type to say yes and then ditch the party nearer the time, perhaps fine. But I'm not. Once we commit, someone has to be in hospital before we will cancel!

AIBU to find this level of forward planning a bit annoying?

Ha ha ha ha. Cos there is no difference whatsoever between a wedding and a 7th birthday party.

This.

Just say no then. Please don’t be an annoying ditherer who keeps them hanging on and hanging on. They may just be able to invite someone else, especially if it’s a limited numbers thing like soft play. Your time is no
more important than theirs and they don’t deserve months of wondering who’s coming, just because they want to be organised. All you’re doing is waiting to see if a better offer comes along 🙄 🙄

Honestly this is so rude. If you can’t decide what you want to do, then just say no. The only thing that is different is if a family member is having a wedding or v important event you MUST attend and they haven’t told you the exact date yet. But in these circumstances I would explain your position to the kids parents. For anything else, say yes to the wedding and tell mil or whoever that there is already a plan and they should come around it. Same with holidays. Book holiday around it. So rude to say oh I might come but not if something more fun comes up. If it turns out we’re bored that day then we’ll pop along. 🙄

Yep same.

But I don't know what we will do in July. We might go away a weekend away or go on holiday.

Well you won't, cos you've been invited somewhere and you've said yes.

Or you say no, and go away for the weekend.

Plans aren't made just until something better comes along. Unless you're rude.

YABU, certain types of party you need to book well in advance. You know this. Even if you don't like trampoline party's, lots of kids do, so have some respect for the mum booking it. You are just using the MIL thing as an excuse.

Yeah it's only your kids. Fuck em

With the main party venues near us, if you want a large group and haven't booked 3-4 months ahead then you'll be left with slim pickings. Cake is 3 months at our baker. I wouldn't issue invites until 8 weeks before, and it's fine to not know exact numbers, but there's a huge difference between booking for 40 or just for 20 kids. By 4 weeks ahead the party bags need planning, so that's when I'd chase up stragglers. Just tell the host "We will try to make it, but can't confirm until end of March sorry", and then diarise to make sure you actually reply. You then go into a maybe list and that helps for numbers.

To be honest, I literally have planned Easter holidays around DS's friend's party, because he adores the girl and the venue whereas we hadn't yet booked for going away, so we worked around it. I wouldn't for a less close friend, but for some it is useful!

Oh I 100% agree. Party invites for my elder children used to be given out 1-3 weeks before a party on average. Now it's 1-3 months. I don't want to commit to a party when we might book a weekend away or have overseas family stating or I don't know my work rota. For my own child's party I sent a WhatsApp message on the class to say the date when I booked it but said no need to RSVP until I send the invites out nearer the time. I did this because my childs birthday was during a school holiday but I didn't want to give out invites too early. I don't understand the posters responding that parties need to be booked in advance. Yes to the venue, but invites don't need to be sent when it is first booked!

This is normal. Places get booked up.

If I’m fairly sure I can make the party I RSVP yes. I change it to a no nearer the time on the (fairly rare) occasion that a clash emerges. At least it’s in the diary. If it’s a party that DC are keen to go to I’ll arrange things around the party.

I'm wondering if some posters haven't dealt with a school with the culture of whole class parties nearly every weekend. Of course a weekend away would take priority over soft play party number 7 in a row. Also parents don't need exact numbers 4 weeks ahead for party bags! That is ridiculous. If you invite the class of 25 you make enough party bags for 25-30 because even if they don't all come there will always be some siblings or neighbours to give the spares too.

I booked DS birthday party last week. His birthday is mid April and I'll be sending the invites out around 3 weeks prior. It is in Easter so I imagine some children won't be able to come.

Oh this is so validating! I always send invites out about a month in advance! Where I am this is waaaaay further ahead that anyone else - usually people round here send invites about 2 weeks in advance! It's so good to hear people are planning 2 or 3 months ahead!!! That makes me look positively last minute!!!

FWIW - I do think 2 or 3 months in advance is a bit much unless it's something amazing, like a trip to France :) or dinner at the Ritz!! (If it was and it was free, I'd sign up DC a year in advance! ;)!)

YANBU! 3 months ahead of schedule for a regular birthday bash is too much! IMO!! ;)

It's 12 weeks.. that's it? Fairly reasonable

@eighteenthirteen1 I'm sure she'd go to her kids' weddings if invited 3 months in advance

We booked DDs birthday venue in Dec. Invites in Jan,1 month before party. Allergies and dietary requirements message 1 week before which I assumed would be enough notice for the drop outs. I guess if there r contingencies in place so people can accommodate for drop outs its fine but I would never send an invite 3 months in advance.

I've already sent invites out for my daughter's party at the end of April. The venue has a capacity limit so if people can't make it, I have time to send further invites out and include a wider circle of friends such as her classmates.

People's diaries get booked up well in advance - it was hard enough three months in advance to find a date on which her four closest friends could attend.

If my daughter received a party invite for April/May and I hadn’t planned family activities that far in advance then I would accept the invite and plan my family activities around it.

I'm guessing an only child

So you're waiting for a better offer? Just say no, you're obviously not bothered about wanting your kids to go and have fun with their friends. Either that or say you need to check dates and get back to them as you do have plans around that time. But that's a bit cop out really.

Yep.

I wouldn't commit to anything 3 months ahead unless I was really sure I wouldn't change my mind....and let's be clear, that's what you're doing. If it was eg a wedding, I'd commit if I really wanted to go. If it was say a 40th birthday bash I probably wouldnt, however I'd 'own it' by saying I don't know what I'm doing then, I haven't decided. I don't lie and say l might be away with OH, or it's tricky as it's the school holidays, I just ask when they need to know by. If its 2 weeks' time, I say l cant commit and I'll have to decline, maybe wish them a great birthday party, Christening etc.
Be honest though (if just with yourself), you ARE waiting for a better offer. We all 'grade' these invites.

This is even worse than the OP!! Are you saying that in order to ensure you get maximum value for money by having the maximum number of children at the venue you’ve chosen, you’ll do a second round of invitations??! To children who didn’t make the first cut??! That’s just awful! Do you even tell this second round that they’re B List? God I’d be pissed off if I ever found out my kid was just a bum on a seat.

No, I'm saying my venue capacity was a lot smaller than I first realised. I thought the figure referred to the children. Turns out it includes parents as well. Subsequently, I haven't currently invited anyone from her class at school. She only started reception in September so hasn't formed strong bonds there yet like the friendships she's formed with my friend's children that she's grown up with. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if my daughter was only included in a second round of invitations but then again, I'm not the kind of person who gets offended over the slightest thing.

I’ve booked DD’s birthday party for July but invitations will go out about 6 weeks before. I’ll ask for RSVP by text, make a WhatsApp group then send a reminder message the week before. Anyone who mucks me about with ‘we’ll see’ will be told I have to firm up numbers for the venue so will have to put them down as a no but I hope they enjoy whatever they end up doing instead.

I mean, this is still a B List, rightly or wrongly, even if you got the ts & cs wrong. You still want to fill the spaces. And actually, worse, you’re going to be inviting just a few from her class if you have gaps to fill, so those classmates who don’t get invited really won’t be making the cut.

Offended by the slightest thing, eh? Is this your only child? No logistics involving other children/ another parent or caregiver/ sports fixtures/ music lessons etc that weekend half day? Not a question of offended. Pissed off having to arrange other people around someone else’s cock up or in order to be a second thought…when you’re putting in the effort for someone who you believe has done a lovely and caring thing for your child by inviting them to their party. I’d be perfectly happy to do this with people who are up front and open about it - indeed, I have done, more than once, when it was convenient. Very grateful for the free fun for whichever child, and actually the children know where they stand and somehow have a great time for it! But if it’s underhand or not hidden from me, yes very pissed off.