To not want to commit to child's party 3 months ahead?

[MsMarch]

I'm all for planning ahead, but a new thing in the DC's school seems to be that people are putting kids parties in the diaries up to 3 months ahead. Obviously, I get it - they want to plan and know that their child's friends can come but the two most recent are both for Sundays in April and May.

And with the best will in the world, we haven't planned our family activities that far ahead. eg, MIL wants to visit after Easter but we're not exactly sure when she'll be here and now we've got two weekends in a row earmarked for children's parties.

I know, it sounds like I'm just doing a version of FOMO but it's not that. It's just that there are a lot of things that we might need to organise but that we're NOT organising this far ahead and now if I agree to the parties, everything we need to do has to be organised around them and quite honestly, I don't want to have to organise a family bloody bbq three months ahead!

If I was the type to say yes and then ditch the party nearer the time, perhaps fine. But I'm not. Once we commit, someone has to be in hospital before we will cancel!

AIBU to find this level of forward planning a bit annoying?

I don’t see how either of those examples is the bulk of a Sunday wiped out. What time would you usually start barbecuing? In either example you could comfortably do so at 2pm, which is earlier than most barbecues I’ve ever been to have started. Also it doesn’t take two of you to take a child to a party, so one of you can be doing that while the other shops and preps for visitors. That sounds like an absolutely standard weekend day for parents of relatively young kids.

April isn’t three months away though? And with Easter in the mix I would be planning early.

Oh I’d find that really annoying. There are three bank holidays in May/June this year, and we don’t have any plans yet but have various friends and family we’d like to try to see as they’re full length weekends (DH works on Saturdays so we don’t have many weekends to play with.) It would be really frustrating to have them all booked in advance by children’s parties.

Couple of month is pretty standard if its an activity style party.
Just reply no if you don't want to plan that far ahead

I agree. Height of rudeness.

RSVP no then.

Just saying no to kids’ parties because forward planning makes you feel a bit stressed is really not nice for your kids.

No, I'm not waiting for a better offer. But I am conscious that around that time, three months ahead, we might need to keep free for things that are less firmed up right now. For example, when MIL visits, we usually travel to the other side of London on one of the weekends she's here to see her extended family there. As we don't yet know when MIL will visit, that is hard and I would always prioritise that over a birthday party for a classmate (would be different if it was DD's best friend or whatever).

But I think what I might do is say yes but, as PP have said, point out that we might have family visiting and if that changes things, as soon as those dates are confirmed I'll let them know if there's a change to our availability as a result of family activities.

Don't worry, I'm not trying to hold the date in case a better party comes up or something! As it is, I also know that DS' sports team will be in their divisional play offs and have games on both of the sundays under consideration but don't know exactly when or where we'll play. So that's also something I'm taking into account to work around!

I think you're making this more dramatic than it needs to be. Why can't you do a family BBQ and your child goes to a party on the same day? Either you or your husband can take them, it will only be for a couple of hours. There are lots of children in my extended family and there have been a few occasions where one of the children have arrived late or left early due to a party to go to. No big deal

Te problem with a blanket RSVP no is that you DO want to go to the party, but you know that you might have something else to do.

But like I said, i think the solution offered by others is the way forward here.

An invite is annoying??
The weekends don’t have to be taken up by the parties if you don’t want to attend.

I have voted YABU. It's only a part of a day. Just refuse if you aren't sure you can make it You are right though not to accept then cancel if something better turns up, Thats quite rude.

Also, for record, while I'll be RSVPing as per my comments above, I'll stick to inviting people to our parties about 6 weeks ahead - it feels like a better length of time to me!

Can't you tell MIL not to come that particular day because you already have something planned?

3 months is ridiculous. It’s around 3 weeks here.

fine for parents to book the party that far in advance but they shouldn’t send invites out until max 4 weeks before. If they do, they can expect that people will agree then pull out, or simply say they can’t commit til nearer the time.

I’m with you, I don’t plan that far in advance for most things and wouldn’t be planning around a kids’ birthday party.

No, the invitation’s not annoying, but the pattern OP describes of invitations being sent out excessively early, I would find irritating. That’s the kind of timeframe you expect for weddings, so people can prioritise them. Making children’s parties that level of priority, at a stage when so many people are invited and they’re therefore so frequent, feels inappropriate to me. There’s usually about three weeks notice round here.

YANBU I send invitations about 2 weeks in advance. I've already booked the party some time before, otherwise how can you put the time and place on the invitation?

I bet you'd want your child's party prioritised though!

Er… yes, OP, I suspect two at once is what’s stressing you out. Or you’d realize that…

1. You just said 2 hours, 40 minutes is fine but 3 hours is “the bulk of a Sunday.”
2. And to occur in April, it can only be nine weeks away. You just said you booked your child’s party six weeks in advance and asked her close friends’ parents a week before that, so seven weeks. So you’re upset these people are doing it… two weeks earlier than you did?

Now if someone is genuinely announcing a child’s party 12 full weeks ahead, I do agree that’s a bit mad, and just tell them you won’t be able to commit until your family has its quarterly board meeting. 😉

Thank you. This has articulated, FAR more eloquently than I managed, why I am finding it frustrating. And I guess yes, part of it is that I'll always try to attend children's parties and I DO think they're important, but I also don't think they're always as important as other things so feeling obliged to commit this far ahead is, for me, a bit irritating.

Why can't your son go to a party while MIL is staying with you?

I'm not planning things like family BBQ3 three months ahead. That's just ridiculous. I'm all for forward planning, but not to that extent

Then leave your reply until right up to the RSVP date, and if you still can't commit, say no. It's not fair to say yes, and then cancel later, or tell them that you're not sure yet. Some parties need to be booked (and paid for) quite some time in advance. If you can't commit, it's not fair to mess the parent around, and possibly make them out of pocket.

Surely it's not that difficult to work around a party. Presumably you can just drop and run, so any guests you do have over needn't be left for long. You do drop off, DH do pick up. Or lift share with another parent. It shouldn't be too difficult, you may just have to be a bit flexible. It feels a bit like you are just putting obstacles in the way. Life with kids is always a juggling act.

Well not to that extent, no! I might tell their really close friends a bit earlier if it really mattered to them, but definitely not three months.

@5YearsLeft The second party is 11:00-1300 AND it's much further away. So we'd need to leave here around 10:20 at latest and wouldn't be home until 14:00. That feels more substantial as it's the bulk of the middle of the day.

The two parties I'm referring to are last weekend in April and first weekend in May. So you're right, not quite 3 months.

Oh, and to clarify - the invite for the May party came today, the April one came about 10 days ago! Although I concede, still not quite 3 months (also, I am sort of surprised to see how far into Feb we are!?! How did that happen!?)