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Original poster

Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

435 replies

Grannypantsandtea · 20/02/2023 10:00

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

OP posts:
BeetleyCarapace · 20/02/2023 10:02

I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people

<hollow, cynical laugh>

Oh they would. Take it from me.

Original poster
Grannypantsandtea · 20/02/2023 10:03

Sorry to hear that 😔

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/02/2023 10:06

I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people

What is it lately with pregnant woman comparing themselves to disabled people?

Pregnancy is a choice, not a disability.

cadburyegg · 20/02/2023 10:07

I do think people are busier now and don't notice other people the same.

But when mine were tiny I remember most people being kind but I was shocked at the rudeness of others. Once in a shopping centre when DS1 was a toddler I was opening a door with one hand whilst pushing his buggy in with the other and some woman tutted and said "EXCUSE ME" because she couldn't get through the door quick enough Hmm sorry me and my child are an inconvenience I guess!

CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 20/02/2023 10:07

Pregnant people aren’t necessarily all uncomfortable or needing special treatment though. I use public transport a lot and people often offer to help me on/off, but I don’t need any extra help. If you feel you do need help, then tell people.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 20/02/2023 10:08

Honestly, you just come off as incredibly self-centered.
So you want people to stop and pander to you now that you are knocked up.

But really, did/do you spent any time thinking of others?
What they maybe going through?
Kids or not.

Sorry if this comes off as grumpy to you, but I have no patience for women who want to be treated as saints just because they have kids.
Other people and problems still exists.

RudsyFarmer · 20/02/2023 10:08

ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/02/2023 10:06

I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people

What is it lately with pregnant woman comparing themselves to disabled people?

Pregnancy is a choice, not a disability.

And there it is right there. That’s what the people you’re describing are thinking.

Movingsoon21 · 20/02/2023 10:11

OP I think some of the answers on this thread show you how some (awful) people think.

No, it costs nothing to show a bit of kindness to someone who might be having some physical difficulties and I and the people I know would always hold a door open, offer a seat, etc.

There will always be some a-holes around. Best to ignore them and hope they don’t get treated the same way when they are older, slower and less able to stand.

VirtualRealitee · 20/02/2023 10:12

I see people holding doors open all the time for anyone with a buggy.

As for when I was pregnant, I didn't need or want special treatment and if i was struggling for any reason, I'd make my needs known, just as I do now when I'm not pregnant.

As for comparing pregnancy to disability, that's offensive.

Original poster
Grannypantsandtea · 20/02/2023 10:12

So you’d all push into a pregnant woman’s bump because she wasn’t quick enough for you?
As I said I don’t expect special treatment, in fact it applies to non pregnant people too, pushing and rushing is unnecessary regardless of what personal issues the person has. I don’t want or need help but it doesn’t hurt to be respectful and patient in the space of a few seconds does it?
The disability comment is because I believed there to be a discrimination protection, but pregnant women are fair game it seems.

OP posts:
Bippetyboppityboob · 20/02/2023 10:14

I think in general people are more insular now, as has been said sadly people are not helpful, thoughtful, caring towards people who are disabled on the whole nor towards others. People tend to be more inward looking.

I think also though it's been a hard road for women to dispel some of the notions of pregnancy that you can't move, lift stuff, must be treated like youre made of glass when the reality is that many who are fortunate to not encounter bad physical and mental side effects from pregnancy don't want to be treated differently. They carry on going to work, working out, doing the usual monotonous things that need doing and just want to get on with it! People probably aren't always sure what to offer, not to mention the fear that it's risky business assuming who is pregnant- they may just be carrying some excess weight and you'll offend them!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/02/2023 10:15

I hold the door open for everyone, any age any sex, I just naturally do it, but comparing pregnancy to a disability is offensive!

This is the second thread in days where it has been compared and it is not comparable.

skippy67 · 20/02/2023 10:15

Yes, you're being precious. There has always been, and will always be people who hold open doors, blah blah blah. Equally, there are people who never have or will.

AliceA2021 · 20/02/2023 10:16

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 20/02/2023 10:08

Honestly, you just come off as incredibly self-centered.
So you want people to stop and pander to you now that you are knocked up.

But really, did/do you spent any time thinking of others?
What they maybe going through?
Kids or not.

Sorry if this comes off as grumpy to you, but I have no patience for women who want to be treated as saints just because they have kids.
Other people and problems still exists.

Yep.
Pregnancy isn't a disability.

TellMeAboutItAnotherTime · 20/02/2023 10:16

People don't notice

I guess nobody is looking at you or your stomach area....most people are staring at their phones these days

ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/02/2023 10:16

And in all honesty people cant win, everyone is so offended by everything nowadays.

Reugny · 20/02/2023 10:16

OP you clearly haven't been out and about with people who have disabilities who are children, teens and young adults let alone older adults.

In addition when I was pregnant and then when my DD was smaller, so in a buggy and baby carrier, I found a particular type of person were especially nasty to me. Oddly once she started talking and walking their reactions were different.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 20/02/2023 10:17

I agree with you. I was pregnant in 2019 and got a lot of public transport. I'm 36 weeks now and had to ask for people to move on a busy bus. I appreciate not every pregnant woman needs help but I have pgp which is quite common in pregnancy I think and definitely needed a seat! I'm massive so it's just people ignoring it

WetBandits · 20/02/2023 10:17

You’re pregnant, not ill or disabled. Any of the people you feel ‘disrespected’ you might have had a disability, or been pregnant themselves. 🤷🏼‍♀️

CaffeineMama · 20/02/2023 10:18

I think some people are less considerate of others in general nowadays, regardless of their "condition". Its not necessarily deliberate all the time either, I think sometimes because there's less community people are more focused on their own situation - and it can become a vicious circle.

There will always be rude and inconsiderate people and there will also always be kind and considerate people. Generally speaking I've encountered a lot of kindness since being pregnant and having my baby, but there have been a few rude people too. The one that sticks in my mind was a woman who walked further back into a cafe and away from the door on her way out just so she could squeeze past my pram and shout "OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!". Her husband took the most direct route to the door, and she deliberately detoured to have her outburst. I think I was supposed to apologetic but I just calmly asked her why she had chosen to try and climb over a pram instead of taking the direct path to the exit. She went a bit red and then doubled back and followed her husband out. You'll always get people like that, don't let them get you down.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/02/2023 10:19

hellosunshineagainxxx · 20/02/2023 10:17

I agree with you. I was pregnant in 2019 and got a lot of public transport. I'm 36 weeks now and had to ask for people to move on a busy bus. I appreciate not every pregnant woman needs help but I have pgp which is quite common in pregnancy I think and definitely needed a seat! I'm massive so it's just people ignoring it

You asked people to move and they did.

There could be another 36 week pregnant Woman on another bus somewhere who would be totally offended at someone offering up their seat, like I said, people cant win.

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/02/2023 10:19

I haven't been pregnant for 12 years so no direct experience but I haven't seen much evidence of this tbh.

Also while visibly pregnant women clearly deserve consideration and kindness they aren't sacred and you can't necessarily busy people to stop what they are doing and elevate them to some hallowed status at all times. Also pregnant women aren't automatically tired, sick etc and those who are will usually signal it.

I think you are being a it precious tbh.

radiatorflush · 20/02/2023 10:19

Pregnancy isn't a disability though.

I'm disabled for the rest of my life and getting worse.

VirtualRealitee · 20/02/2023 10:19

And with the massive rise in obesity, most people are too scared to offer a 'pregnant' woman a seat, incase it turns out they're not...

CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 20/02/2023 10:20

Bippetyboppityboob · 20/02/2023 10:14

I think in general people are more insular now, as has been said sadly people are not helpful, thoughtful, caring towards people who are disabled on the whole nor towards others. People tend to be more inward looking.

I think also though it's been a hard road for women to dispel some of the notions of pregnancy that you can't move, lift stuff, must be treated like youre made of glass when the reality is that many who are fortunate to not encounter bad physical and mental side effects from pregnancy don't want to be treated differently. They carry on going to work, working out, doing the usual monotonous things that need doing and just want to get on with it! People probably aren't always sure what to offer, not to mention the fear that it's risky business assuming who is pregnant- they may just be carrying some excess weight and you'll offend them!

Yeah, this. I worked up to the day before my planned c section with my second, with my first I worked up til I was 38.5 weeks and only finished then because it was the school holidays. I had a sweep and went back to class after 😂

Yes SOME pregnant people need extra help, some are uncomfortable etc, it that’s certainly not universal.

Now had the post been about people being rude in general then I could maybe have got behind it, but I hated to be thought of as weak when pregnant - I was working full time and we were doing some pretty major DIY - I was helping fit flooring at 38 weeks. I certainly didn’t need treated like glass and it annoyed me when people acted like I was a snowflake - or even worse when they made comments about the fact I “shouldn’t be doing” things when pregnant (normal things, like walking my dog or carrying shopping)