Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

[Grannypantsandtea]

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

I don’t why you’d want older people to stop and admire your baby when you are out.

Dont be ridiculous fgs

Oh silly me, misogyny doesn't exist.

Unless someone is wearing a badge saying "I AM PREGNANT" I simply cannot risk offending any more women.

OP, you’re 11 years older. Some people (men) are much nicer to younger women than mid 30s on. (By 50 invisibility is our apparent superpower).

People in general are a mixed bag of nice and not nice, people are more glued to their phone, and from Lockdown a lot people got heavier, so pregnancy isn’t as immediately apparent.

But yes, a sizeable cohort of blokes will hold the doors open for you at one age and not even notice at another. It’s either depressing or liberating, depending on your perspective.

As if you compared pregnancy to disability. Unbelievable

It's not always a choice actually.

And no pregnant woman would choose SPD, hyperemesis gravidarum, gestational diabetes, and the rest of the diseases and illnesses you can get while pregnant.

Hush up.

I haven’t come across people being disrespectful to those with disabilities

With respect, you need to get out more.

I don't think it's only for pregnant women, people generally don't care anymore.

I was pregnant just over a year and a half ago and people were usually very helpful

Same with the pram even now and I still rarely go out without someone fussing over / complimenting daughter

I don't know why your experience has been so different, maybe I just looked more frail than you so take it as a compliment haha

I was bed bound for weeks in my pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum. Was I disabled? Of course. Temporarily disabled from most daily living tasks.

Don't be so flippant. Disabled isn't a static word. People can be disabled temporarily and in just as much need as people with longer term disabilities.

Maybe you've been lucky to not have experienced many of the issues that come along with pregnancy for some women.

If you are walking slowly and holding up others are you really expecting people to be late for meetings, miss their trains, not get to school for pick up etc rather than rush past you?
You haven't had the baby yet so you can't comment on imaginary people not helping with a buggy or people fussing over a baby. Personally I hated people fussing over my babies when out and about.

Swiftswatch I’m so sorry that happened to you, some people can be absolutely disgusting. Some of these comments are really sad to read, maybe I’ve been sheltered from treatment of the disabled, but I live in London and have never witnessed a disabled person being overlooked. I don’t know the public transport side of it as I drive, but I know it is usually worse in that area than other public spaces. I should have been more vague about everyone experiencing it, but I wouldn’t have started this thread if I wasn’t pregnant as I guess I just looked past it before then. I’ve always held doors for disabled, elderly, pregnant, teenagers, I just don’t have it in me to discriminate anyone based on how they look, what’s going on in my life or how busy I am. There is no excuse for rudeness or abuse, and that applies to some of the vile people commenting on here too who clearly have no empathy and therefore no business being on here.

I'm not living in the UK but pregnant women are very respected here.

I think the UK people are becoming more insular and aggressive.

Oh come off it. This isn’t the same OP who compared pregnancy to limb amputation like the poster the other day. She said she didn’t think disabled people would be treated poorly, which she has since acknowledged isn’t the experience for some/many disabled people.

I think the OP is getting a really hard time here. I do think we as a society should be considerate to other people and that might include pregnant women. I would certainly offer a pregnant woman my seat on a train or offer to help with bags up some stairs. In the same way I would offer to a disabled person, elderly, even a parent juggling a baby and shopping or whatever. Having said that, I also don’t shy away from saying “I’m pregnant and need to sit down, could I please have someone’s seat” if it wasn’t forthcoming because people are too busy looking at their phones or fear mistaking my pregnant belly for a fat one.

The OP did not say being pregnant is the same as being disabled. Of course being pregnant is a choice but it doesn’t mean some women don’t struggle physically during pregnancy and would appreciate a door being held open or a seat on public transport.

Also, big clap to the women doing DIY and going to work until the hour before they gave birth. Go and give that medal a polish. 🙄

OP - I think it depends where you are. In my town, I was treated wonderfully. Doors opened, lots of positive attention and well wishes.

Went back to home town and no one gave a crap and certainly didn't help me out. But it's a place where there's noticeably less community spirit.

I haven’t labelled pregnancy as a disability at all, once again the comment is because people have a duty to prioritise disabled people, which they should, but this is a protected duty and I haven’t come across people being disrespectful to those with disabilities.

What 'people'? People on public transport? People in lifts? People in public toilets? People in crowded shopping centres?

There is no more duty for the general public to prioritise disabled people than pregnant women, and disabled people don't generally lose their disability at the end of a 9 month period.

I still find most people very courteous in that regard, even if I'm on my own. I don't think being pregnant needs special concessions and hope any pregnant woman would speak up and ask for a seat if they did.

I wonder if part of it is the shift in society to 'don't dare ask a woman if she's pregnant', so people don't want to assume. Don't treat a woman differently. Increased discomfort of people having their babies cooed at by strangers (even family sometimes). In a world that a few people decide they are having a 'fourth trimester' in, where even grandparents can't meet the baby for the first weeks, or men get snapped at by women when they hold open a door, I think that people have just learned to keep their distance.

YANBU to expect other people to show some basic manners but YABU to think this is a new thing. I can assure you it's not.

Perhaps if your previous pregnancy was easier than this one you didn't notice the lack of manners so much.

Twice I've had a seizure out in public and twice when I've come round I've had no phone and no purse as someone has stolen them.

It's 35yrs since I was pregnant, I remember standing up on a bus to give a blind person my seat, before the blind person got to it another man had sat in it and refused to move, so we had a blind man and pregnant woman standing on the bus, some things never change

Which country do you live in then?

Yes, I think attitudes have changed towards babies/kids, as well as pregnant women. I also think it might be because less people are parents/have children in their lives? So people don't help with prams/buggies/pregnancy because it's not on their radar.

Also might depend where you live. I imagine busy London wouldn't be a very considerate place, with everyone rushing and probably not looking up/noticing others. Whereas in a small village, you might be more 'seen'.

However, I disagree with the pregnancy and disability comparisons. Some of my friends who are disabled have been treated appallingly, and that's a lifelong fight.

I think vast swathes of our population are terribly rude these days. Its not just pregnant women on the recieving end of it.

So many nasty comments on this thread. Seriously, what's wrong with people?

"Standing up" for disability rights doesn't mean you have to be a twat to anyone else who has vulnerabilities or health issues (both of which OP is experiencing with her pregnancy).

God, what's wrong with people.

I think people are being deliberately difficult. Being pregnant is (usually) a choice but that doesn't mean that soem side effects are very difficult. It's not a disability but that doesn't mean that all pregnant women can walk, move, stand normally. Even if you feel fine and sail through it, your centre of gravity is off and the consequences of falling are more serious than usual so it makes sense that pregnant women sit down on public transport. Yes you dont know what's going on with other people, lots of people have hidden illnesses and disabilities, but its unlikely that in a train carriage that this allows to most of the passengers- its far more likely they just dont give a shit.

I'd offer a visibly pregnant woman a seat, she can always say no thanks and no harm done. I think thats the polite thing to do. Expecting a pregnant person to effectively announce to a whole carriage that they would like a seat is a bit harsh, in my opinion

People discriminate against disabled people all the time. I know you meant well, but this assumption that just because there's laws we're fine bothers a lot of people, as you can see. It's the same way as the assumption that because benefits and the nhs exist, we all get handed what we need to live on and our mobility aids on a silver platter. I hope you've learned something today.