Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

[Grannypantsandtea]

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

I have to go to a work event in a couple of weeks where I will be five months pregnant. Some of the event was advertised as standing only. I have been suffering with sciatica and have asked if there are any adjustments available. The venue have said I will be provided with a seat.

Should I not have been given adjustment because pregnancy is a choice?

I'd rather not say but it's a very family oriented, community focused country.

I do not miss the selfish and aggressive society of the UK.

100% spot on!

Yes, I think attitudes have changed towards babies/kids, as well as pregnant women. I also think it might be because less people are parents/have children in their lives? So people don't help with prams/buggies/pregnancy because it's not on their radar.

so it’s all the fault of nasty childfree people then? I would always help someone struggling with a buggy, or pregnancy if they looked like they needed help.

Pregnancy isn't comparable to disability but I don't really understand all this guff about it being a 'lifestyle choice' either. It's not a 'lifestyle choice' in the sense of smoking or drinking (or choosing not to smoke or drink), exercising or failing to exercise, taking up a hobby. It involves growing and being responsible for the welfare of a whole other human being. The state and society promote the welfare of pregnant women because it has knock-on beneficial effects for their children, and society has an interest in ensuring the welfare of children. And pregnancy is not always voluntary - access to abortion is subject to limits and, in any case, abortion isn't a form of birth control. A women who is struggling in the latter stages of her pregnancy can't simply choose to go and have an abortion.

Fwiw, I agree with you OP. I saw some shocking examples of treatment of pregnant women in my last pregnancy. One of the worst, actually, was male relatives taking up all the seats in maternity clinics so pregnant women were actually standing in a space intended for their benefit. I had to sit on the floor on a few occasions when the wait was longer than 15 minutes, and that still didn't always shame them into giving me a seat.

That said, I've also seen some absolutely horrendous treatment of disabled people, including a commuter on a London tube wheeling a disabled lady's wheelchair (with her in it!) off the tube so there was space for him to get on.

We're not very good at caring for the vulnerable and those in need of extra assistance for whatever reason in our society.

Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.

There are frequent AIBU threads about older people trying to touch and comment about new baby and how new mum had to snatch precious bundle away from horrible and weird stranger (who was just wanting to coo over them).

Op...why are you expecting 'older' people to stop you to see the baby? Is that something you want? To then go on with a conversation about birth/breastfeeding/can they have a closer look?

I was visiting London a few years ago and got thrown out of a tourist attraction which didn't allow prams. I'm disabled and use a wheeled walking frame. A pregnant woman with a toddler in tow kicked off massively about how unfair it was that I was allowed to bring my frame in while she had to manage without her pram. Eventually someone in charge decided to fold to her demands and I was told to leave. Sounds like you've been walking around with your eyes shut, completely overlooking disabled people being overlooked.

My daughter is 1 and when I was pregnant people were lovely. Without fail a man offered to take something down from a shelf for me when I was food shopping, and I was offered seats etc. Maybe it’s the area you’re in?

This made me chuckle 🤣

I can't abide the sense of entitlement that some pregnant women and 'new mums' have. I show respect to everyone, hold open doors, help people in neec, don't barge past people etc. Pregnant women aren't sacred.

I'm afraid disabled people are often treated worse, particularly on buses when buggies are in the wheelchair spaces.
But I also think you've had a bad experience - I live in London and my observation is pretty much that people do help

Some of the replies on this thread! 😮

I'm really sorry to hear that some people are being so inconsiderate, OP. I initially thought that perhaps your fellow passengers simply didn't notice that you were pregnant, because they were looking at their phones. But if the views of some posters here are typical, there does seem to be a coldness and lack of concern present.

Common on, guys, you know who you are. Where is your humanity?

😄true!

I don't think many get the respect they deserve. What about people with disability or the elderly? People with chronic illnesses?
I think some people who are pregnant walk around thinking that they deserve to be treated like they are special when in fact most people are just busy living their lives.

THIS!!!

I thought not.

Most people would 'rather not say' when they're slagging off the UK.

I can only assume it's because they don't like people pointing out that their countries are often no different, or much worse in many other ways.

20 years ago 8 months pregnant waiting at a tube station - very very busy. Tube arrived doors opened a man nearly knocked me out the way to take the last seat (even though I was at the front and first on the carriage) stood with my bump next to him - while people did offer me a seat I was stubborn to stand there (only a couple of stops and to be honest was fine standing) He was just rude.

Pregnancy is a choice rather than disability - I am always considerate of others around me so would always offer a seat, hold doors etc

I found the opposite whilst I was pregnant. The attention made me feel awkward a lot of the time but that's just because I feel awkward with attention anyway. But yes, people would offer to help me carry bags, jump out of their seats whenever I got public transport, taxi drivers going very slowly over any bumps in the road, somebody once even offered to help me get my bicycle home after I'd clearly ridden it there in the first place so could ride it back, and it is wasn't late into pregnancy either just a small bump!

Towards the final months it was more difficult and had some problems so I did appreciate people's offers of help and seats but was still quite awkward. I don't think most pregnant women need to be treated very differently though, we're able to do things, it isn't exactly a disability and the whole world doesn't revolve around every pregnant woman. Though at the same time, it's of course always nice to be nice. But opening doors and things like that that you mention, I think vast majority of pregnant women can manage without help.

Not really, i'm not that sensitive about the country that I live in.

@Grannypantsandtea

You are pregnant, your pregnancy will end Disability does not.

People in general are ruder these days, all ages are included in that, I think lockdown had a very weird effect and people have lost the ability to communicate, act in a correct manner and everyone is in their own world, phones are also a lot to do with it, when you were pregnant last time there were not so many phones out there.

You see it on this site, a lot, the women who are pregnant or have a new born are expecting to be treated as if they have been the only one to ever have been pregnant or had a baby, you are giving off these vibes, however unintentionally.

As a Mother to a Disabled Child I can tell you they are treated as if they don't exist and are bumped into and are treated as an inconvenience and annoyance as they walk very slowly and can be very loud, they did not ask to be Disabled.

You lost your argument when you compared pregnancy to the rights of a Disabled person, the rights that have been hard fought for and still don't go far enough.

I think there has been a lot of messages about how pregnancy is not a disability so perhaps people are wary of offering help because they dont want to be told off by someone who does not need it?

when I was pregnant I actually appreciated a seat on the train in early pregnancy as I had morning sickness to 20 weeks and standing made me feel ill (and I was always scared of being sick)!
In the end I used to ask people on the train as most on their phones didn’t look up.
now I try to pay it forward and if I see a pregnant lady to hold a door open/offer a seat. It’s a nice thing to do.
what cheered me up was often it was school kids who would offer their seat! Bodes well!

No the older people comment was to explain what I experienced in my previous pregnancy/new mum stage compared to now. They were neighbours and I knew them. I wouldn’t want strangers near my baby of course not. It wasn’t a list of requirements I demand, it was an example.
Some very interesting comments, thank you to those who have been kind and those who shared your experiences. I would have expected my first pregnancy to be treated the way I am now as I was a teenager then, but everyone was lovely. It just goes to show that many people are nasty regardless of the person or issue in front of them and being kind doesn’t mean you’ll be treated kindly.
If my spd does eventually require me to need a wheelchair am I not temporarily disabled in your eyes and therefore fair game for this treatment to continue? Or will you then agree that people should hold doors open because I’m in a wheelchair, but not before? So many assumptions on here and people who can’t seem to read the thread, only wanting to answer a question they’ve invented themselves!

I think, like anything, it will just depend on where you are and who is around.

Not everyone is going to notice a bump, obvious or not. People walk around looking down at their phones, or they are lost in a podcast, or just rushing around to get to where they need to go.

Plus, I'm sure we've all seen memes/social media posts about never assuming someone is pregnant. Like, unless they mention it first or they are literally crowing in front of you, it's best not to suggest it.

If you need a seat, ask. If you need help with something, ask.