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Original poster

Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

435 replies

Grannypantsandtea · 20/02/2023 10:00

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 20/02/2023 11:01

We are now in an age where folks only care about themselves unfortunately. In fact, many are at war with themselves too, so expect little kindness.

People are awful to the disabled, pregnant, children and anyone human 😕. They're far more interested in one-upmanship.

CBTTherapist4 · 20/02/2023 11:01

I wonder if part of it is the shift in society to 'don't dare ask a woman if she's pregnant', so people don't want to assume.

I was surprised to find this really wasn't the case when I was pregnant! From around month four I had total strangers mention it often. Asking when I was due, if I had a name, if I had a 'bun in the oven', literally two or three times per week a random person would mention it. It was odd as I was always under the assumption you're not supposed to mention it unless you see a baby's foot emerging from someone's vagina...

TellMeAboutItAnotherTime · 20/02/2023 11:02

If you are out in a wheelchair because of spd you won't be alone will you!! Your DH or done one will be with you

No you will not be 'temporarily disabled' because that does not exist....disability is lifelong

DiddyHeck · 20/02/2023 11:02

It's Winter OP.

How are all these people supposed to see your pregnancy underneath your coat?

And even if they could, how are they supposed to know you're not just hugely overweight?

If you want help, make that known to people instead of expecting them to be psychic.

ToomuchtodoVerylittletime · 20/02/2023 11:02

Agreed. I found myself apologising quite a bit when I was pregnant especially at the end when I was a lot slower 😂 was suffering with edema and cholestasis plus horrendous sickness and nausea for the first 6 months.

This whole 'pregnancy is a choice' motto I keep seeing really baffles me. Yeah okay, but that shouldn't disregard the fact we women are growing an actual human being, that it can be a struggle for a lot of women and a huge change to our bodies both physical and psychological.

CrackingCrackling · 20/02/2023 11:03

YANBU

I was 1 week past my due date, was massive. I had crutches as my spd was horrendous. Hobbling along to midwife appointment past a primary school. The pavement was really narrow and a woman and her kid pushed past me, nearly knocked me over, instead of waiting one minute for me to get past. I absolutely lost it with them!

And to those saying it's not a disability. To many it may not be, but for me it's involved being practically housebound, and my physio has said it will take a year of ongoing physio if not more, before I'll be back to normal. And even then, I may never fully recuperate.

EmmaDilemma5 · 20/02/2023 11:03

stopringingme · 20/02/2023 10:58

@Grannypantsandtea

You are pregnant, your pregnancy will end Disability does not.

People in general are ruder these days, all ages are included in that, I think lockdown had a very weird effect and people have lost the ability to communicate, act in a correct manner and everyone is in their own world, phones are also a lot to do with it, when you were pregnant last time there were not so many phones out there.

You see it on this site, a lot, the women who are pregnant or have a new born are expecting to be treated as if they have been the only one to ever have been pregnant or had a baby, you are giving off these vibes, however unintentionally.

As a Mother to a Disabled Child I can tell you they are treated as if they don't exist and are bumped into and are treated as an inconvenience and annoyance as they walk very slowly and can be very loud, they did not ask to be Disabled.

You lost your argument when you compared pregnancy to the rights of a Disabled person, the rights that have been hard fought for and still don't go far enough.

Disabilities can end for some people with some conditions.

Amaury · 20/02/2023 11:04

VirtualRealitee · 20/02/2023 10:56

I thought not.

Most people would 'rather not say' when they're slagging off the UK.

I can only assume it's because they don't like people pointing out that their countries are often no different, or much worse in many other ways.

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Spot on. It's not like someone revealing their nationality is going to make them identifiable.

Cherryblossoms85 · 20/02/2023 11:05

I think since Covid all community spirit has gone. People are rude in general and don't care. We're obviously collectively not good at separation and haven't quite got the hang of being back together!

Arguelikeagrownup · 20/02/2023 11:06

TellMeAboutItAnotherTime · 20/02/2023 11:02

If you are out in a wheelchair because of spd you won't be alone will you!! Your DH or done one will be with you

No you will not be 'temporarily disabled' because that does not exist....disability is lifelong

Eh? Electric wheelchairs exist.

WandaWonder · 20/02/2023 11:06

Pregnancy is not an illness

Nor a disability, nor are we living in the dark ages

TellMeAboutItAnotherTime · 20/02/2023 11:06

@Tekkentime ... which country do you live in?

Hope551 · 20/02/2023 11:06

Ahh I even was discriminated against being disabled... by disabled. I had a heart condition, meaning if I walked my heart go weird and would go to tachycardia. The more I ignored it the worse it got till my legs would go into spasm. But I was in my 20's with a disabled badge. I had an older disabled man think I can't be disabled because I was too young. He ended up taking photos of my badge, got really nasty and followed me around the shop 😭😭😭 I felt humiliated

FatOaf · 20/02/2023 11:07

Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

Nor is anyone else.

Don't take it personally. We're reaping the harvest of 40 years of promotion of selfishness and denial of the existence of society. It will get worse.

SnackyOnassis · 20/02/2023 11:07

I don't know OP, I'm currently pregnant and I don't think I've done anything deserving of 'respect' from strangers.
I think the behaviour you're hoping for from other people actually is special treatment, and as PPs have said, everyone has got their own thing going on so won't be on the lookout for the pregnant or infirm, but hopefully (though frequently not, disappointingly) will be more aware of people with visible disabilities.
I think the best you can do is manage yourself, and if you need to sit, or need someone to open a door or let you on a lift, politely ask them. If they refuse a request from someone who's said they need assistance, then you're justified in thinking they're a bit of a dick. If they help you, you get what you needed.

TellMeAboutItAnotherTime · 20/02/2023 11:07

@Arguelikeagrownup yes they do indeed!

Kisskiss · 20/02/2023 11:08

Fladdermus · 20/02/2023 10:50

I was visiting London a few years ago and got thrown out of a tourist attraction which didn't allow prams. I'm disabled and use a wheeled walking frame. A pregnant woman with a toddler in tow kicked off massively about how unfair it was that I was allowed to bring my frame in while she had to manage without her pram. Eventually someone in charge decided to fold to her demands and I was told to leave. Sounds like you've been walking around with your eyes shut, completely overlooking disabled people being overlooked.

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That’s awful!!!

Tekkentime · 20/02/2023 11:08

Amaury · 20/02/2023 11:04

Spot on. It's not like someone revealing their nationality is going to make them identifiable.

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But it's not spot on, as i've said, i'm not that sensitive about the country that I live in.

I just have experience of both countries so I gave a different perspective, sorry that offends you.

It is revealing as I have friends and some family members from the UK, who know I use mumsnet and the country would make it very obvious that it's me! Would rather be anonymous and not have to name change 😂

EmmaDilemma5 · 20/02/2023 11:09

Arguelikeagrownup · 20/02/2023 11:06

Eh? Electric wheelchairs exist.

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Not all disabilities are life long.

Disabled is a verb as well as a noun. People can be disabled for a period of time and then recover.

If two people are struggling to walk, just because one hasn't got a blue badge, it doesn't mean they shouldn't get help as much as the other.

Arguelikeagrownup · 20/02/2023 11:10

Grannypantsandtea · 20/02/2023 10:59

No the older people comment was to explain what I experienced in my previous pregnancy/new mum stage compared to now. They were neighbours and I knew them. I wouldn’t want strangers near my baby of course not. It wasn’t a list of requirements I demand, it was an example.
Some very interesting comments, thank you to those who have been kind and those who shared your experiences. I would have expected my first pregnancy to be treated the way I am now as I was a teenager then, but everyone was lovely. It just goes to show that many people are nasty regardless of the person or issue in front of them and being kind doesn’t mean you’ll be treated kindly.
If my spd does eventually require me to need a wheelchair am I not temporarily disabled in your eyes and therefore fair game for this treatment to continue? Or will you then agree that people should hold doors open because I’m in a wheelchair, but not before? So many assumptions on here and people who can’t seem to read the thread, only wanting to answer a question they’ve invented themselves!

Just so you know, it's really common for people NOT to hold doors open for wheelchair users. We are very often practically invisible

KimberleyClark · 20/02/2023 11:11

Tekkentime · 20/02/2023 11:08

But it's not spot on, as i've said, i'm not that sensitive about the country that I live in.

I just have experience of both countries so I gave a different perspective, sorry that offends you.

It is revealing as I have friends and some family members from the UK, who know I use mumsnet and the country would make it very obvious that it's me! Would rather be anonymous and not have to name change 😂

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You are not necessarily the only person on Mumsnet who lives in your country.

Arguelikeagrownup · 20/02/2023 11:11

EmmaDilemma5 · 20/02/2023 11:09

Not all disabilities are life long.

Disabled is a verb as well as a noun. People can be disabled for a period of time and then recover.

If two people are struggling to walk, just because one hasn't got a blue badge, it doesn't mean they shouldn't get help as much as the other.

Show quote history

How is that relevant to my comment? People who are temporarily disabled can also use electric wheelchairs.

Tekkentime · 20/02/2023 11:12

KimberleyClark · 20/02/2023 11:11

You are not necessarily the only person on Mumsnet who lives in your country.

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So what? I have chosen not to declare it. Am I allowed not to? 😂

fitzwilliamdarcy · 20/02/2023 11:13

I think if you'd used the word "consideration" this might have gone better for you. As in - people don't have consideration for people with vulnerabilities anymore. That includes pregnant women, very young children, people with disabilities and so on.

The problem with using "respect" is that it sounds as though you're asking to be put on a pedestal, just like in the olden days. It's not just about rudeness, but about people making a fuss of you and your baby. That's not respect - that's fawning. And unfortunately that brings to mind many other people who believe that by being pregnant they're very very special and need to be treated as such - we've all known someone like this.

YANBU that pregnant women need to be considered, but YABU saying that they need to be respected, above and beyond the basic respect that all human beings owe to one another.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/02/2023 11:15

I agree OP.

It’s just basic manners isn’t it - treating people according to what they need. Doesn’t matter if it’s your choice to be pregnant or not (and you don’t know if that’s the case with any individual woman). I wouldn’t rush to take a seat from a person on crutches, and I would hold the door open for them - I wouldn’t ask if they injured themselves doing something they’d chosen to do before treating them with courtesy.

I’m not surprised to hear that people with disabilities are also being treated with no courtesy or respect. Once you start down the “I’m alright Jack”/ “everyone for themselves” road this is what ends up happening.

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