Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

[Grannypantsandtea]

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

Some of the comments on this thread are awful! I agree with you @Grannypantsandtea as many pregnant women struggle to stand for long periods and it can be unnerving being shoved or pushed when you’re pregnant.

of course pregnancy isn’t a disability but there is still no harm in treating someone kindly or sensitively while they are pregnant, especially heavily pregnant or struggling to stand. You wouldn’t push into a woman holding a newborn and many women are protective of their bump and why shouldn’t they be.

It's possibly got harder to tell if people are pregnant as people have got larger in general... I'm not going to assume a stranger is pregnant... and if they look like they're struggling I'll help regardless of why they're struggling.

I was generally fine when pregnant and actually more comfortable standing than sitting a lot of the time, being offered a seat wasn't necessary.

I try to avoid bumping into people in general too...

I haven’t labelled pregnancy as a disability at all, once again the comment is because people have a duty to prioritise disabled people, which they should, but this is a protected duty and I haven’t come across people being disrespectful to those with disabilities. So the comment is to highlight that people pick and chose who to be respectful to. I have severe spd and struggle to walk very far, my midwife has suggested I may even need a wheelchair or crutches in my final stages of pregnancy. I certainly wouldn’t expect people to pander to my needs anyway, particularly if I was having a straight forward pregnancy, the point of the thread is that people are disrespectful in general compared to the past.

Sorry to hear that others have experienced this, it is humiliating and I have begun avoiding going out in public without my husband.

I think Serena Williams ruined it for everyone by winning the Australian Open whilst pregnant!

The fact that you honestly think disabled people aren't routinely invisible. Trust me, we are.

No one should bump into you on purpose. But you're not helping yourself with this comparison.

It’s a hard one because at times you want to be able to do all the normal stuff but in reality with a massive bump by the end you can’t, no matter how hard you try to make it look like you can 🙈 I’ve been guilty in the past of seeing someone who’s visibly pregnant but not really knowing what to say/do and not wanting to offend them when they haven’t actually stated they are pregnant. The same with newborn babies, I will always look and think they’re lovely or say to the person I’m with but rarely would I go over and say it, out of being shy more than anything else.

Since having a baby and being pregnant for the second time, I really do try to make more effort. I’ve also found the same with my toddler now, he will actively say hi to everyone he sees and you do get lots of nice people who will make his day and chat back to him for a few minutes but an awful lot of people, probably out of not really knowing what to say, will just ignore him. I make way more effort to talk to toddlers now that I’ve experienced this

Yeah what a bitch, she should have been at home with her feet up knitting whilst eating 2l of ice cream, using a pickle as a spoon.

This whole 'pregnancy is a choice' thing doesn't change that it can be incapacitating, that it requires accommodations!

For most of my pregnancy I was totally fine, but towards the end, with my first, I was really struggling to catch my breath - my walking slowed to a dawdle, and TBH, I had to stand because if I sat down, DS1 squeezed everything out of the way and I either needed to wee or couldn't breath properly! And I greatly appreciated anyone who gave me the space I needed to cope with that.

Similarly once they were out, we took up a bit more space or were a bit slower sometimes. Because we are two people, one of which is small and weak.

Or if we see someone on crutches, should we check why they need them before offering them a seat, helping them out? If it was a sporting injury, should we leave them to it because they 'chose' to take the risk of having an injury? Doesn't sound like the society I want to live in personally.

wow, couldn’t avoid a nasty gratuitous shot at disabled people, could you?

Horrible.

Disabled people are disrespected and treated appallingly, I'm surprised you are unaware of that.

Had 2 pregnancies 8 years apart. Also had a fair share of positive and negative experiences in both. I don’t think it’s compatible by time really just your luck of who you happen to pass.

in fact my most recent pregnancy was probably more positive than the last I was always offered seats etc.

generalising about something so specific and personal rarely gains sympathy. Being pushed while pregnant isn’t nice or acceptable but it’s not been every pregnant woman experience nor can you state that it’s a “these days” situation.

I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people

But pregnancy isn't a disability, it's a choice. Why is everyone & their gran comparing pregnancy to a disability lately?

I was last pregnant 16 years ago and many people are kind - they hold doors open for me, apologize if they are in the wrong etc

Maybe a MN cliche but you need to consider the possibility that the other person may have an invisible disability which means that they may not clock that you're struggling too. Don't take this the wrong way but sometimes it's hard to know if someone is overweight or pregnant. Could that apply here ?

Overall lots of people were helpful when I was pregnant but there were definitely some standout moments of people being shit bags. I remember some 40something year old woman literally shoving me out of the way on the tube so she could sit down in front of me, multiple people seen this and were also taken aback too. Luckily someone else offered me their seat.
Another time I was on my way home from work, it was like 35 degrees, I had been in hospital twice that week due to reduced movements and overall was just having a really stressful time mentally along with really bad hip pain. No one offered me a seat but I felt like I couldn’t ask so I just stood there in agony feeling sick and crying.

I had a few young girls ask for a seat on my behalf once which I really appreciated because sometimes you just don’t know what people’s reactions will be.

I was pretty shocked at how many women thought other pregnant women on didn’t deserve a seat on public transport on the recent thread.
Constantly mentioning how it’s “a lifestyle choice” so shouldn’t be pandered to?? If you end up in a wheelchair because you’re speeding and end up in a car crash is that a lifestyle choice?

No one knows the pregnancy they are going to get. Some women have no issues at all and for others it’s incredibly debilitating.

Some women can have poor mobility when pregnant, due to conditions like SPD. Or feel extremely unwell. Or be disabled and pregnant.

I have never felt so observed and judged, and been on the receiving end of such ridiculous comments as when I was pregnant and/or had small children - I wouldn't like to say whether things have got worse, this was in the noughties. Was never offered a seat until the evening I was actually finishing work to go on mat leave. With DD2 I remember getting up to give my seat to someone who was more obviously pregnant and looked uncomfortable.

Had DD1 at 29 and had been with DH for six years by then, married for over a year, living together for over five. I remember when I was out in town with DD1 one time some random bloke accusing me of being a feckless teenage single mother.

Just because pregnancy is a choice (and to be honest...it isn't always, let's face it), it doesn't mean pregnant women don't deserve consideration in public.

Agreed.

I caught a bus with a massive queue to board on Saturday. When I got to the front of the queue I stopped to allow a man in a wheelchair to board. He'd been waiting at the side of the queue while everyone pushed past and ignored him up till that point.

I would have thought that waiting for a wheelchair and the person in it to board would have been normal behaviour.

Don't think anyone respects anyone anymore.

Pregnant women decided to be pregnant so deserve to suffer. Kids are irritating so should be locked away.

Disabled people are a drain and faking.

Haha honestly the hostility online from people. But obviously everything is different for them 😂😂

No one gives up seats for anyone, even disabled. I've seen people in public have a seizure on the pavement and people step over them 😬 society is getting pretty horrendous

A friend of mine had her first child when she was 18. This was late 90s. I couldn't believe the amount of abuse she got from strangers. One time I was out with her and her toddler daughter, and someone actually let a door swing shut in her daughter's face. I managed to rush forward to catch it just in time, but was really shocked. She wasn't, because she was used to it.

i And there it is right there. That’s what the people you’re describing are thinking.

Yes, with a heavy undertone of misogyny- up the duff so must be a slag.

I once found a homeless man dead on the pavement 😬 everyone was walking past ignoring it. I had to call the police to remove the body :(

Firstly - pregnancy is a protected characteristic under the Equalities Act, with equal status to any other protected characteristic, including disability.

Secondly - OMG, what mood did MN wake up on today? It's awful that people are treating you unkindly. There's no prizes for winning the race to the bottom - everyone should be kind to everyone else, all the time. If people with disabilities are miffed about how they are perceived or treated, by all means do something to raise awareness about it, but grumping about a pregnant person feeling put upon is the absolute pits. Having a baby is an amazing thing, and all of society benefits when women create new life. It's most certainly not a lifestyle choice, it's us as a species realising our evolutionary purpose. It is the most selfless and generous commitment any person can make, and you absolutely 100% should be treated kindly.

I was pregnant 10 years ago and never got offered help or seats. Had to ask for a seat on the tube when struggled to carry work stuff home on final day at 38wks. Sounds much the same, tbh I didn't need huge amounts of help and often didn't need a seat either. My job involved carting around heavy wheely bags at the time so it was often a struggle but not sure why someone else should have helped.

Yes, with a heavy undertone of misogyny- up the duff so must be a slag

Dont be ridiculous fgs