Soon to be ExSIL accusing me of financial abuse!

[WhatsTheGistPhysicist]

DB and SIL are divorcing due to SIL having an affair and leaving for another man. The other man has since ended things as the reality of living with 3 children (SIL’s from a previous relationship) was too much for him apparently.

While this has been going on, I sold my business and planned to give my siblings a monetary gift however have been advised to wait until after my brother’s divorce otherwise it could possibly be classed as a marital asset.

SIL has since got wind of this and has been sending demanding solicitor letters wanting to know exact amounts, payment dates etc. The latest letter contains bank details so I can pay SIL “her 50% directly to expedite the process”. I have obviously ignored all letters.

Yesterday, SIL posted a long rant on FB claiming that I am being financial abusive
to her - a single mother with 3 kids to support - and that I am trying to swindle her out of what is rightly hers! So many of the comments were saying that I was being vindictive, punishing her children, forcing her and the kids into poverty, how could I sleep at night etc. She also blamed me for my DB “leaving her high and dry” as I’ve apparently poisoned him against trying to repair the relationship.

I absolutely don’t think I’m being unreasonable by ensuring she doesn’t get a single penny of my money however I’d really like some reassurance as the comments on FB were unanimous that I was wrong!

I'd comment "We're you thinking of your child's best interests when you were shagging about behind my brothers back? Not a penny of MY money is rightfully yours."

What a selfish cow.

You cannot be calling your study subjects “Chavs” what kind of academic snob you are? Not good enough yet to be modest? 🤣

Ah yes. Well, I'm still learning the ropes innit☝🏻😶

Definitely not unreasonable. It’s your choice if you give the money, you might change your mind for all she knows and never even give it to your brother. Anyway, once your brother has the money, maybe he’ll use it for something nice for the kids. I don’t blame you for doing this.

Definitely wait until after the divorce and make sure it is gifted in the correct legal way to your brother.

Your SIL's behaviour is erratic and in really bad taste. It's your money and a gift that you are thinking of giving to your brother. You might even change your mind for all she knows. I wouldn't speak to her further.

impressed by your generosity.

Don't bother posting on Facebook, you are better then her. Most intelligent people will suspect some foul play or wonder how your money should be thrown into a marital port to portion? Absolute madness and audacity.

You sound like a brilliant person OP - I hope you get real pleasure from the difference that you will be making to your siblings lives and I really hope your health holds up for as long as humanly possible.

Absolutely.

Whatever you do just stop discussing it with her. I am not from a legal background but have been through something similar and even my intent to do something was in an email was enough for them to hang me on. Whatever the technicalities not discussing it verbally and certainly not discussing it digitally would be my advice. Until there has been a financial order any money you give your brother will be fair game.

It doesn't have to be just investors. Beneficiaries. Dividends. Anyway. Best to get legal advice re: position rather than not .

Make sure he has a financial agreement before doing anything.

Just being nosey, would 50% of your brothers gift be life-changing to exSIL? curious why she's being so grabby, unless it's a huge windfall for her, seems a lot of effort on her part instructing solicitors

Doesn’t make any difference.

Gold digger.

Sounds more to me like soon to be ex SIL wants her cake and to eat it in every scenario, starting with OP's DB hanging around to take her back when her affair didn't work out.

@WhatsTheGistPhysicist I'm so sorry you're looking at your future in the shorter term, you sound lovely and a caring sibling. You don't need the approval of SIL's cheerleading group. You've done things by the book and are perfectly entitled to do whatever you want with your own money. Remember if people know this woman well, they'll know her character. What people type on FB isn't necessarily what they really think. Don't engage and bide your time before you give DB anything.

If and when you do gift money to your siblings ask them to keep it quiet.

Hug

I did a little snort when I read about the latest letter😆

Sorry to hear about your illness. You are being very kind to disburse monies now.

You could always leave your DB's stepchildren a token in your will if you wanted to, however far in the future. They'd probably be really touched to be remembered.

Op sorry to bring this up....but you have as you have said a life limiting condition , if you are unlikely to live 7 years you have to be careful for your siblings sake to give them collectively more than £3000 per annum (the first time you can do this for 2 years so £6000 amongst them all. Your solicitor may be able to work this instead as a form of trust to overcome this.) otherwise they might be liable to inheritance tax. Please accept my apologies for bringing this up. (Just done our wills)

Obviously not. She’s a CF regardless, I’m curious to know what type of figure this person is chasing. To instruct solicitors costs money so she might see this as a lottery win so to speak. If she’s doing this for a few grand then it might be more spiteful.

Doubtful that she would have known an exact figure because she only got wind of it through other people, not directly from the OP. Just grabby for whatever she can get presumably.

In the normal course of things a cash gift from one spouse to another would be seen as marital assets. A similar gift from a friend or other family would not, so SIL would have no legal right to it, as long as DB kept it separate from joint accounts and didn’t use it to ‘convert’ the cash to a marital asset, such as house purchase/renovation etc. OP would have to make it crystal clear that the gift is for DB only.

Clean financial break should be sought as part of the divorce settlement - if he doesn’t get this, he and STBXW will still be financially linked and able to lodge future financial claims against each other.

This is what had my jaw hitting the floor as I was reading it. The OP is only at the planning stage and no sums have been discussed, and SIL had the cheek to send her bank details so the OP could pay her ‘share’ directly into her bank account !! I’ve seen some CF behaviour on MN but this takes the cake !!

What an awful ‘entitled’ woman. Your money for your company sale is nothing to do with her. Unfortunately though, if you gift it after the divorce she can claim more money from ex husband. It would be better to see a solicitor. I would also threaten her with a ‘slander’ case.

Block her quickly. Wait a while til you gift the money to your DB