Soon to be ExSIL accusing me of financial abuse!

[WhatsTheGistPhysicist]

DB and SIL are divorcing due to SIL having an affair and leaving for another man. The other man has since ended things as the reality of living with 3 children (SIL’s from a previous relationship) was too much for him apparently.

While this has been going on, I sold my business and planned to give my siblings a monetary gift however have been advised to wait until after my brother’s divorce otherwise it could possibly be classed as a marital asset.

SIL has since got wind of this and has been sending demanding solicitor letters wanting to know exact amounts, payment dates etc. The latest letter contains bank details so I can pay SIL “her 50% directly to expedite the process”. I have obviously ignored all letters.

Yesterday, SIL posted a long rant on FB claiming that I am being financial abusive
to her - a single mother with 3 kids to support - and that I am trying to swindle her out of what is rightly hers! So many of the comments were saying that I was being vindictive, punishing her children, forcing her and the kids into poverty, how could I sleep at night etc. She also blamed me for my DB “leaving her high and dry” as I’ve apparently poisoned him against trying to repair the relationship.

I absolutely don’t think I’m being unreasonable by ensuring she doesn’t get a single penny of my money however I’d really like some reassurance as the comments on FB were unanimous that I was wrong!

When you're divorcing it's about is there an inheritance coming whilst still married. This isn't an inheritance it's a choice of what you do with your money and as his situation has changed you can decide only to help him with his divorce solicitor fees by paying them direct if that's what you choose. You can still gift your other siblings money as it's a choice not an inheritance!

I'm sure you've had legal advice to that effect. You're not your DBros parent, grandparent. You're his sibling. You're still very much alive and in charge of your own finances.

Please tell me you screenshot hee FB posts as if you wanted to you could ask advice on defamation and harassment / malicious communications if they were done unpleasantly and named you. To be accused of financial abuse when it's your money not due to Soon To be ex wife nor your brother, is horrid slander. She is very grabby.

Nothing to add in terms of advice but OP you sound lovely and have clearly thought this through and articulated your rationale superbly.

Agree, lady is ill, not dead (apologies to OP for starkness!).

It is not anyone else's money until she chooses it and it appears business is in the process of being sold.

Godalmighty what a vulture. I suppose she didn't say sorry you're going through that?

Anyone giving a gift is entitled to change their mind, for any reason.

If I were you I'd hold off on gifting to any family members until all of this is done & dusted.

You are also well within your rights to point this out via a solicitor and confirm that you will not be giving her any money.

She sounds like a CF of the highest order!

Thank you.

I've been fortunate and have only ever had to use solicitors for standard events, house conveyance, divorce, wills etc.

Every day's a school day! 👍

Look SIL if you want to be scummy and fuck about you will find out.

as I won’t make it to that age. I have a life limiting illness which means I won’t see old age and is also the reason I have decided against having children.

I'm really sorry to hear this. It must make what SIL even harder and more insensitive. She knows you have a life limiting condition and appears to be counting your money as hers! As if she was still with your DB

I hope your solicitors have give you good advice

Which might be to leave in your will a trust fund to when they are 25 in age, that your Dbro is executive of and then your other siblings (so ex wife can't touch it) to his DCs. But I can see how you want to leave it to your DBro. I'm hoping you can wait out their divorce and final financial settlement. In the nicest way, you're not dead, it isn't anyone's money but yours. You can decide how you divide up your assets.

Just a word of caution, if you divide up and gift too much of it leaving yourself short for your future care needs that may be predictable, you may face 'deprivation of assets' issues if you already have care needs

I don't doubt that you're not at that point but can understand for IHT ( inheritance act) purposes you want to settle your fortune financial affairs sensibly.

That's why I'd be inclined to make a £2k gift to each sibling as if that had been what you intended. And then separate finances as per solicitors and financial advisors advice for any bigger financial decisions

(Trust fund to
DCs I meant )

Wow, what a wonderful person you are. To sell a company (sounds successful) built from scratch is such a fabulous achievement. I really admire you.

I would ignore SIL, come off FB as it’s getting worse by the day in my humble opinion.

Fill your head with all the smiley faces of your family who will be so grateful for helping them in times of need. And repeat

Future financial affairs not fortune

Gosh sorry I missed those mistypes

Why should the OP be providing anything for unrelated children?

OMG, what a ridiculous grifter she is🤣
it would be very tempting to wind her up as much as possible but she sounds like trouble... probably best to just ignore her till she goes away?

I think that came from her own Facebook posting that she couldn’t afford to raise 3 children on her own.

So is reading it so you are not exempt 🤣

This has to be a wind up. Op, use a little bit of the money you got to pay a solicitor for proper advice but to be honest. I don’t think she has a leg to stand on even if you pay the money before they officially divorce. (But don’t , it will make things more complex for your brother if you do even if he gets to keep everything at the end).

only thing to add is please check everything sorted legally before you give any money make sure they all the final financial order in place so she can’t claim after they divorce

you are doing absolutely nothing wrong

hopefully we have some endowments that were linked to the mortgage but we changed to repayment but kept policies
intend to give this to kids there should be enough for a deposit on house
but this money is there’s it will be ring fenced to protect it

She’s isn’t your family and they aren’t his kids so they are hers to provide for not you! I would do the same if it was my brother, it’s your money and she shouldn’t get a penny. Sounds like aright gold digger

With regards of being a chav for having 3 children and being divorced. Honestly, I see far more SAHMs with 3 or more children than single/divorced mums but I suppose that is because a lot of women stay in bad marriages, not for the children as they claim, but for something as simple and basic as money.

I'm confused by this repeated use of "chav" it's not a word I see commonly used on those forum but it's been repeated several times.

Odd.

OP, make sure that as part of his divorce, your DB insists on a ‘clean financial break’ order from SIL before you gift anything. Divorce doesn’t end the ability of either partner to claim on the finances of the other, and even if you gift the cash after the divorce is finalised she sounds grabby enough to still try to claim a share. Your DB should talk to his solicitor about this as part of the divorce settlement - a clean financial break legally ends the financial link between the two of them and therefore the right of either of them to claim from the other once the order has been issued.

I can tell you from personal family experience that a cash gift from one spouse to another is considered a marital asset for divorce purposes, but a similar gift made from friend or relative to one partner remains the property of that partner after divorce, unless it has been converted into something that can be classed as a marital or joint asset - for example, payment for house purchase or renovation etc. But you would need to make sure that it’s very clear that the money is for your DB only, and he would have to be very careful to keep it separate from joint finances until things are sorted. Any divorce lawyer can tell you this, so I’m not sure I believe the ‘solicitors’ letters from SIL are genuine.

That said, I would also get some legal advice regarding these letters before you actually make gifts to anyone. You may find you’re advised to delay gifting anyone, not just DB, so that there is no anticipation of a future gift as part of the divorce settlement - and if all of this is word of mouth at present, I would be very careful about putting anything in writing about cash gifts, but a solicitor will be able to advise you accordingly. Possibly one solicitors’ letter denying any rumours of such gifts, and asking her to cease and desist with harassment of you will be enough. At the end of the day , if you haven’t yet done anything beyond thinking about things, what can they do ? It’s your money, to do with as you like, when you like.

Finally I wouldn’t talk directly to this woman - do everything through a legal adviser - and have them warn her that you want the facebook rant taken down or you will take advice about suing for defamation of character. You can ask FB to take it down, although that may take a while, but you can also threaten them with legal action if they refuse. It’s a generous gift you’re considering and the grabbiness of this woman is breathtaking. You may also want to think about having MN take this thread down if you think SIL or her friends may see it and try to use it as leverage. Good luck.

No you are not being unreasonable, providing your brother had no part in the business. If he had an interest in the business of some sort then you might want to take legal advice about your plans. If not for a divorce settlement, for tax purposes in gifting siblings money.

OP states that the only investors into her business were professional and not members of her family. Her STBX SIL has no right to the OP's business.

But no☝🏻😶
I am an anthropologist and reading it is research 😁👍

If this woman is so skint how can she afford solicitors letters?

I assume the advice to delay gifting the money came from your solicitor? Ask them what they think.

I think you should do as you’ve been advised with the money, don’t respond to your SIL, unfriend her immediately.