About not moving on the train?

[TrainSitu]

I’ve recently had shoulder surgery but I am now out of a sling so I guess I don’t look injured. I’m sat at a table seat on the train to get back to my work area after visiting my dad.

I’ve got my backpack on the table and my big bag was put up on the top by a lovely man who offered to put it up. We get to the next station and it’s absolutely heaving and a mother with 3 kids gets on. Everyone files into seats and someone sits opposite me. She then approaches and asks if the other 2 seats are reserved. I said no and she could have them and sat the kids down. She then looks and me and say says “I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours” I said no I’ve recently had shoulder surgery and still recovering so standing on a packed train would be too painful. She then continually said “ I have 3 kids though”

At this point I said “I’m not particularly bothered by the amount of kids you have but I will be staying in this seat as I need it too if you have any issues please go speak to the train conductor” The look she gave me could kill!

So AIBU for not moving? The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

NC for this so it can’t be linked to any previous threads.

[Starburst8]

@ItsAllSoComplicated

DM would always hiss at us ‘get up so that lady can sit down’ if we had a seat anywhere, be it Drs surgery, bus or whatever.
Nowadays people act like their little darlings are so fragile they couldn’t possibly stand for 10 mins!

Yes same here. Even when visiting relatives the adults got the comfy chairs, we got the floor.

[ComfortablyDazed]

@AdobeWanKenobi

I found myself on a tube into London on a Friday night just before Christmas. I got on at an outlying station so easily got a seat, but by the time it got more central it was packed.
A woman with a kid of about 4 got on, there was one seat next to me. She sat down. So far so good. Child was clearly unhappy, loudly repeating how he wanted to sit. Mother looks at me expectantly. I return to reading an article on my phone. Child starts tantrumming. Again Mother looks at me. It's clear she thinks I should get up for the child. Not happening.
Eventually she huffs and pulls him on her knee.

Some people are odd.

So she’s not even prepared to give up her seat for him, but thinks you should?

What goes through people’s minds….?

[Tilllly]

@GoodChat
Suggesting I don't read felt like an attack

And it made me smile, so I considered it a joke

[DangerNoodles]

I would give up my seat for a very young child if I wasn't injured like the Op and only there was no other option (like mum's lap). I think it's wierd that people wouldn't given small kids are more prone to injury if they were to fall or get squashed.

But these kids were 10!? My DS is 9 but he is bigger than most 10 year olds, he can still squidge up 3 to 2 seats with his brother and cousin, I even did it myself with friends as teenagers! So don't see why these kids didn't try to do the same.

[Topseyt123]

You weren't being unreasonable. I wouldn't have given up my seat for her child either. No matter how much she wheedled and whined at me.

[ComfortablyDazed]

@Tilllly

@GoodChat
Suggesting I don't read felt like an attack

And it made me smile, so I considered it a joke

To be fair, it was an odd suggestion to me too, given the three boys were sitting next to the OP and the Mum was sitting elsewhere.

[Glitteratitar]

Meh she’s just entitled and a bit deranged. Definitely not unreasonable.

When I was 20 I had cancer and was having chemo. I never actually looked unwell as didn’t lose my hair and was a big make up wearer. On a packed bus once and I was sitting in the priority section. A woman got on and demanded my seat as I’m young and don’t need it and should be standing. I told her I couldn’t stand and why and to be fair she accepted it, but I do get how small interactions like that leave you on edge. Ignore her Op.

[Xol]

@DangerNoodles

I would give up my seat for a very young child if I wasn't injured like the Op and only there was no other option (like mum's lap). I think it's wierd that people wouldn't given small kids are more prone to injury if they were to fall or get squashed.

But these kids were 10!? My DS is 9 but he is bigger than most 10 year olds, he can still squidge up 3 to 2 seats with his brother and cousin, I even did it myself with friends as teenagers! So don't see why these kids didn't try to do the same.

Wouldn't you expect the child's parent to give up their seat before asking a stranger to do so?

[BlueHeelers]

So AIBU for not moving? The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

YANBU, and you're not a cow! Shoulder surgery is complicated & exhausting.

And SINCE WHEN did adults give up seats for children? I spent my whole childhood - and now well into my 60s, actually - I still offer elderly/disabled people (mostly women) my seat - I still get up for other ADULTS who need a seat more than me.

But children? No, they do not need a seat more than me.

Particularly when their parent has not bothered to reserve seats for them. Why should you care more for her children than she did?.

[Gilmorehill]

@Starburst8

I don't understand the mindset of people with children these days. Back in my day, kids stood and let the adults have the seats.
I have a 4 year old, if there isn't a seat for him, I will stand with him.
Moving adults for children is ridiculous in my opinion.

I was coming on to the thread to say exactly the same thing.

[Calphurnia88]

Absolutely no need to move.

Even if you didn't have the injury.

[BlueHeelers]

I would say all the kids look about 10 years + and all of them carrying football boots so no reason to need the seat per say.

She was EVEN MORE unreasonable. 10 year old children carrying football boots are perfectly capable of standing.

[midsomermurderess]

Bloody hell, the way people behave these days. Like spoiled children.

[MrsToothyBitch]

I wear a "please offer me a seat" badge. I stood up to let someone in to the seat next to me on a train the other day and nearly sat down on a kid that someone had tried to slide into my seat.

It was a Dm and Dd on the same train as me regularly, so they've probably seen my badge before. They'd walked just past me, in search of 2 seats, had heard me ask someone else if she wanted to sit down and whipped round. The mum looked quite disgusted when I said I was standing up to let someone else in, that I needed my seat and wouldn't be giving it up. She regularly gets her Dd changed on the train- often into sports gear. The kid can stand!

[GoodChat]

@Tilllly

@GoodChat
Suggesting I don't read felt like an attack

And it made me smile, so I considered it a joke

You were the second person in quick succession who'd made a comment that made no sense in relation to the OP - sorry if you felt like that was a personal attack.

[SmartHome]

Jesus, I used to make my kids stand up to give adults a seat! And I had 3 under 6 at one point.

[HamBone]

@Maireas

That's what we were always taught, too. Now it seems to be the opposite way round.

I was taught that as well! Her children were over 10 and had presumably been playing football so they were quite capable of standing. What a CF.

[ancientgran]

@DangerNoodles

I would give up my seat for a very young child if I wasn't injured like the Op and only there was no other option (like mum's lap). I think it's wierd that people wouldn't given small kids are more prone to injury if they were to fall or get squashed.

But these kids were 10!? My DS is 9 but he is bigger than most 10 year olds, he can still squidge up 3 to 2 seats with his brother and cousin, I even did it myself with friends as teenagers! So don't see why these kids didn't try to do the same.

I think the two children were sitting opposite each other so I don't think squidging up wasn't an option. OP said someone sat opposite her and then the two kids sat down.

[ancientgran]

@SmartHome

Jesus, I used to make my kids stand up to give adults a seat! And I had 3 under 6 at one point.

I think children under six are very vulnerable on a crowded train. If it stops suddenly they would go flying.

[Tilllly]

@GoodChat
Ah right, hadn't noticed that
Thanks - no harm done 😊

<<<pours wine, stops sulking 😉>>>

[MrsToothyBitch]

Female socialisation is also totally a thing here! On a different busy train, with badge on, had been kindly found a seat on one of the fold outs. A guy who was standing put a sickly smile on his face a few stops later and asked me to move for a pregnant lady he had spotted who'd just got on. I said no- pointed to the visible badge and said why not ask the man next to me? The huge hearty bloke sat next to me. Huge bloke immediately moved and was happy to do so. It really pissed me off that despite the badge he asked me first. Presumably reckoned I'd be socially conditioned/moved by the idea of sisterhood/a softer touch to ask to help.

[SerafinasGoose]

No way would I explain my medical circumstances to any old entitled stranger on a train/plane. None of their business.

They can ask me to move, and I can say no. End of discussion. I laughed in the face of someone who tried a similar stunt on me; told them not to be so silly.

That said, I always used to like a table seat for the convenience of doing some work on my laptop. Now, owing to the unrelated issue of men making a nuisance of themselves on trains, I avoid them like the plague.

[TrainSitu]

Thank you to everyone who’s posted! I feel much better now. It’s more than it just irked me and then I second guessed myself that I was in the wrong. I’m more than happy to give my seat up to someone who needs it more but not when they ask so rudely.

Luckily in my next train I’ve got a reserved seat so no arguments there 😂

[Datafan55]

@MrsToothyBitch

Female socialisation is also totally a thing here! On a different busy train, with badge on, had been kindly found a seat on one of the fold outs. A guy who was standing put a sickly smile on his face a few stops later and asked me to move for a pregnant lady he had spotted who'd just got on. I said no- pointed to the visible badge and said why not ask the man next to me? The huge hearty bloke sat next to me. Huge bloke immediately moved and was happy to do so. It really pissed me off that despite the badge he asked me first. Presumably reckoned I'd be socially conditioned/moved by the idea of sisterhood/a softer touch to ask to help.

What was the sickly bloke doing asking anyway....? I know some people are oblivious to those around them, but nor do we need to be needlessly managed by random men, thank you so much.

[Demonicblancmange]

On a full bus once (I was sat mid way not in a priority seat) a man got on and asked me to move I said I couldn’t . He asked again and again. I said ‘I’ve explained I need this seat - can you perhaps ask someone else?’
he then started saying ‘why are you being like this? Why are doing this ?’

People started asking me to move and I had to really stand my ground but it was horrendous I still to this day don’t know why I was singled out . Someone started filming me and it was just horrible