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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About not moving on the train?

358 replies

TrainSitu · 19/02/2023 16:13

I’ve recently had shoulder surgery but I am now out of a sling so I guess I don’t look injured. I’m sat at a table seat on the train to get back to my work area after visiting my dad.

I’ve got my backpack on the table and my big bag was put up on the top by a lovely man who offered to put it up. We get to the next station and it’s absolutely heaving and a mother with 3 kids gets on. Everyone files into seats and someone sits opposite me. She then approaches and asks if the other 2 seats are reserved. I said no and she could have them and sat the kids down. She then looks and me and say says “I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours” I said no I’ve recently had shoulder surgery and still recovering so standing on a packed train would be too painful. She then continually said “ I have 3 kids though”

At this point I said “I’m not particularly bothered by the amount of kids you have but I will be staying in this seat as I need it too if you have any issues please go speak to the train conductor” The look she gave me could kill!

So AIBU for not moving? The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

NC for this so it can’t be linked to any previous threads.

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 19/02/2023 16:43

The kids were around 10 years old or over?? And carrying football boots (so taking part in sport? )
There is absolutely no reason why you, or indeed anyone, should give up their seat for a seemingly healthy older child! And I reckon this lady would have told you immediately if any of them had needed to sit down for health reasons.
Classic cheeky fuckery, IMO.

Mummaganoush · 19/02/2023 16:43

You are not in the wrong at all and after the first polite answer she would have got a MUCH shorter shrift from me, entitled CF!

lieselotte · 19/02/2023 16:49

I wouldn't have moved even without the surgery. Well, actually, I probably would have done because I wouldn't have wanted to sit next to other people's (probably badly behaved) children. But I wouldn't have moved for her or the kids' benefit.

I also agree you can squeeze three kids into two seats. Before H&S, we used to do it on coaches all the time - three to a seat and we weren't even that young!

Also the fact you have a shoulder injury is of no relevance to her well it kind of is, as it is a temporary disability.

Nice of the bloke to give up his seat!

swg1 · 19/02/2023 16:49

Sitting for smaller kids, particularly on a packed and busy train, makes more sense as it's easier for adults to grab the overhead straps and easier for someone below waist height to get trodden on so all the pearl clutchers playing "in my day kids stood for adults" can do one.

That said, you pull a small kid onto your knee, or get three to squish onto a double seat in that scenario. You certainly give up your own seat before asking anyone else!

Riverlee · 19/02/2023 16:53

in the past, a child would automatically give their seat up for an adult! It wasn’t uncommon to see a child sitting on their parents lap.

I guess it wasn’t unreasonable for her to ask, if there were other seats you could have moved to, but you said the train was packed. Your explanation of the shoulder injury should have been the end of the matter. You did nothing wrong.

DottieUncBab · 19/02/2023 16:54

YANBU I’d have not moved either and I’m not recovering from an operation. Having three kids doesn’t make you special.

itswednesdayy · 19/02/2023 16:57

Some parents can be so entitled!

with 3 kids, she should really invest in a car if she can’t cope with the family sitting apart on public transport. If it’s a busy time to travel, it’s unlikely there will be 4 free seats available. Common sense surely?

There’s no harm in asking if someone will move, but as you said no, she should have dropped it.

LauraNicolaides · 19/02/2023 16:57

TrainSitu · 19/02/2023 16:13

I’ve recently had shoulder surgery but I am now out of a sling so I guess I don’t look injured. I’m sat at a table seat on the train to get back to my work area after visiting my dad.

I’ve got my backpack on the table and my big bag was put up on the top by a lovely man who offered to put it up. We get to the next station and it’s absolutely heaving and a mother with 3 kids gets on. Everyone files into seats and someone sits opposite me. She then approaches and asks if the other 2 seats are reserved. I said no and she could have them and sat the kids down. She then looks and me and say says “I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours” I said no I’ve recently had shoulder surgery and still recovering so standing on a packed train would be too painful. She then continually said “ I have 3 kids though”

At this point I said “I’m not particularly bothered by the amount of kids you have but I will be staying in this seat as I need it too if you have any issues please go speak to the train conductor” The look she gave me could kill!

So AIBU for not moving? The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

NC for this so it can’t be linked to any previous threads.

I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

There's only one cow bag on that train Grin

CuteCillian · 19/02/2023 17:00

Unless they’re little kids then kids are more able to stand than adults and if all three were little (under 5 for example) I’m sure they could have shared Exactly.
No one is asking DC to hang from overhead straps. My DC would lean on me and I will keep them steady, just as my parents did when I was small.

AnotherSpare · 19/02/2023 17:03

Starburst8 · 19/02/2023 16:23

I don't understand the mindset of people with children these days. Back in my day, kids stood and let the adults have the seats.
I have a 4 year old, if there isn't a seat for him, I will stand with him.
Moving adults for children is ridiculous in my opinion.

Totally agree with this!

PandasAreUseless · 19/02/2023 17:04

I'd never give up my seat for a child, and I don't have any injuries.
A pregnant woman? Yes. An elderly person unstable on their feet? Yes. But never a child.
And I'd try to avoid doing it at all if I'd had a long day at work!

Againstmachine · 19/02/2023 17:07

I wouldn't give my seat up for children unless they were disabled.

Not to mention the children's ticket will have been a lot cheaper than yours so why should you stand.

rwalker · 19/02/2023 17:11

Even if u hadn’t had surgery I still wouldn’t of moved
the only time I would move if they were too young to be in there own which wasn’t the case here

GoodChat · 19/02/2023 17:11

When we were kids three of us would have squashed into 2 seats if that's what was available.

It was fine for her to ask once but I'm glad you stood your ground when she was being an arse.

ClownpantsKate · 19/02/2023 17:12

She could have booked 4 seats together.

ItsAllSoComplicated · 19/02/2023 17:14

Starburst8 · 19/02/2023 16:23

I don't understand the mindset of people with children these days. Back in my day, kids stood and let the adults have the seats.
I have a 4 year old, if there isn't a seat for him, I will stand with him.
Moving adults for children is ridiculous in my opinion.

DM would always hiss at us ‘get up so that lady can sit down’ if we had a seat anywhere, be it Drs surgery, bus or whatever.
Nowadays people act like their little darlings are so fragile they couldn’t possibly stand for 10 mins!

Maireas · 19/02/2023 17:14

Hbh17 · 19/02/2023 16:17

YANBU. As children, our parents always made us stand on public transport if adults needed a seat. I don't see any reason why that should have changed.

That's what we were always taught, too. Now it seems to be the opposite way round.

DoesItMakeYouFeelBetter · 19/02/2023 17:15

Wow she is one CF

MargaritaRita · 19/02/2023 17:15

I find answering once with a polite NO etc. followed by mirrored sunglasses strategically donned and over the head noise cancelling headphones works a treat with mares like this.

Or you could always say "I identify as a man so you should know better than to disturb important people like ME, ask that woman over there why don't you"

KettrickenSmiled · 19/02/2023 17:16

“I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours”

“ I have 3 kids though”

The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

"So what you are saying is that YOU - an uninjured adult - are refusing to give up YOUR seat for one of YOUR children, but an unrelated adult, who is just out of surgery, should stand? ha ha ha pull the other one."

WarWhatIsItGoodFor · 19/02/2023 17:17

What a stupid, entitled parent. Her children don’t have the right to a seat. We use buses/trains a lot, not once has anyone offered their seat to our DC and neither do we expect them to. She could have stood and let her kids sit, 2 to a seat if need be. I would have told her where to go!

GoodChat · 19/02/2023 17:17

KettrickenSmiled · 19/02/2023 17:16

“I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours”

“ I have 3 kids though”

The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

"So what you are saying is that YOU - an uninjured adult - are refusing to give up YOUR seat for one of YOUR children, but an unrelated adult, who is just out of surgery, should stand? ha ha ha pull the other one."

She didn't have a seat. There were 2 spare and she was asking OP to give up a 3rd.

Tilllly · 19/02/2023 17:17

Go to where she's sat now and ask if one of her children can move so you can sit there...

Go on, I dare you🤣

Report back 😁

fooyangcake · 19/02/2023 17:18

PandasAreUseless · 19/02/2023 17:04

I'd never give up my seat for a child, and I don't have any injuries.
A pregnant woman? Yes. An elderly person unstable on their feet? Yes. But never a child.
And I'd try to avoid doing it at all if I'd had a long day at work!

Same.

Floofydawg · 19/02/2023 17:18

Even if you weren't recovering from surgery you had no obligation to give your seat up for one of her kids. Cheeky cow.