To wish people would leave me alone in public?

[TheLostNights]

I know I will get some nasty responses but I am so tired of this.
I'm 37 but look late teens/early 20's according to everyone and no, I am not proud or happy about this, it's beyond awkward and embarrassing.
Anyway, because of this maybe, I feel that when I go out alone, older adults seem to be concerned about me. Some examples are:

Was early for work one day so walked up the road into a cul drive sac. I quite easily could have been going to someone's house or posting a letter. Immediately though an older man said 'Are you OK?!'.

Sitting down on some steps to eat lunch and another man comes up to me "Are you OK?! You don't need to sit there, there are benches further up.'

Today, crossing the road. An older man shouts "Be careful!! A car nearly hit you, you were not looking.' (I was and it was miles away and I told him this).

Aibu to just want to be left alone and for people to mind their own business? If I was crying I would understand but as the above examples show, it was nothing like that.

Even in my late teens or 20s was never approached like this, prob not even in my mid teens either. I wouldn't approach someone of those ages like this either. Very bizarre, has this started recently.

How have you made the connection with how old you look?

Those are things I'd probably say to anyone just to be helpful.

Especially the first one as it sounds as though they thought you might be a bit lost, if there's no through road.

I'm a similar age and don't look anything like early 20s and it happens occasionally - always men. I think most women have probably had it happen. Things like telling me I hadn't looked before crossing the road (a quiet laneway I've seen a car drive down maybe once in the 8 years I've lived here - and yes I had!), that my phone in my back pocket is unsafe, things like that.

I'm never doing anything particularly interesting and it never happens when I'm with DH. I generally point out that they never would have told DH that, and to mind their own.

If it is always men who do this and you look like a much younger woman, then it's not hard to fathom unfortunately. One of the joys of getting older is that men seeking random validation leave you alone. It would really annoy me too, could you perfect a silent death stare?

I'd absolutely hate that. YANBU.

Do people in their late teens or early twenties get stopped by randoms in the street enquiring about their wellbeing or safety regularly in your area OP?

None of these things sound age related. Walking into a cul de sac someone eas prob just being polite.

The bench thing, polite.

The car thing, only you know how close the car was.

I say I think age related as maybe they think I look vulnerable or something.
Another time I was sitting alone and a man said to me 'Hey lonely young girl ' this was last year.
It's always men that do it too. Think I just need to be firmer and perfect he death stare.

Do people in their late teens or early twenties get stopped by randoms in the street enquiring about their wellbeing or safety regularly in your area OP?

This is what you need to think about op. Because it's not something that I've ever seen.

There's something about you that's concerning people. Maybe you just have a face that looks a bit vacant or confused when deep in thought or something (I genuinely don't mean that nastily, some just do!).

I have extreme RBF (resting bitch face). Many times in the past someone's asked me what's wrong or who's annoyed me or whatever when I'm perfectly content but just busy or deep in thought.

Maybe you have RSF or RLF (resting sad face or resting lost face!).

Just say shh and wave them away dismissively

Another time I was sitting alone and a man said to me 'Hey lonely young girl ' this was last year.

Oooh I do love a drip feed! 🤗

<< Settles in with popcorn >>

I hear you. Tried to go for a quiet swim a few years back (baby face). For some reason the lifeguard took it upon himself to offer a full swimming lesson and critique my technique. I didn't hang around long. Always get a "bless you!" too, which is very very annoying.

Why is that a drip feed ?
It came to me as I was writing the first lot of scenarios. Not sure what you are implying.

Oh god I say bless - sometimes, it’s really not about the other person. It’s more about me standing there thinking god why have I got into this convo and now I don’t know what to say 🤣

A man took it upon himself to tell me I was mowing my front garden wrongly. I was in my early 50s at the time.

Oh yes the whole 'Oh bless you' talk alongside the sweetie, darling names. Get that all the time.

I think you're right. This sort of thing used to happen a lot to me, but not so much in the last 3 years or so. I'm now 44, looking older and don't bother with makeup so much, so I'm looking more 'invisible'. It's a blessed relief.

Also, I have a resting happy/idiotic face, so I think I come across as approachable.

This dosent sound age related at all, it's people giving advice. Don't get run over, there are benches. People say these things to every age group.

Meanwhile, us Brits are soooo unfriendly 🙄

I feel for you, op. The older man approaching the younger woman/girl is tedious.

The man in the cul de sac does sound like the typical neighbourhood watch type - wants to know the ins and outs of everything!

I used to get random older man approaches a few years ago. It was the usual “smile, it may never happen!” or the eccentric, dominating man with unsolicited chat and advice. These types don’t approach if you’re in company and they aren’t interested in approaching older looking women.

A death stare is a great idea and use your mobile phone to pretend call somebody.

I'm in my late 40s and look it. People often give advice like you describe. The older generation often call me sweetie or darling because it's words their generation use. It's got zero to do with how old you look. That's just your perception.

True and I still look young for my age too. I might list this in things that don't really happen.

I suspect you're pretty and it has nothing to do with age.

I noticed it the other way; illness left me rapidly bald and obese. Men never spoke to me. Now both of those things have been reversed and guess what - lots of helpful men around again.

I get the being bothered in public. I really do. A death stare is normally sufficient.

I don't see how it's related to your perceived age though? The "lonely young girl" excepted.

As for bless, sweetie etc, isn't that just normal conversation? I had a builder in who kept calling me "girl" as in "now girl, what do you want doing with this bit?". Definately nothing to do with my age, and I don't think it was patronise the little woman talk either.

Why do you link them with how old you look?