To wish people would leave me alone in public?

[TheLostNights]

I know I will get some nasty responses but I am so tired of this.
I'm 37 but look late teens/early 20's according to everyone and no, I am not proud or happy about this, it's beyond awkward and embarrassing.
Anyway, because of this maybe, I feel that when I go out alone, older adults seem to be concerned about me. Some examples are:

Was early for work one day so walked up the road into a cul drive sac. I quite easily could have been going to someone's house or posting a letter. Immediately though an older man said 'Are you OK?!'.

Sitting down on some steps to eat lunch and another man comes up to me "Are you OK?! You don't need to sit there, there are benches further up.'

Today, crossing the road. An older man shouts "Be careful!! A car nearly hit you, you were not looking.' (I was and it was miles away and I told him this).

Aibu to just want to be left alone and for people to mind their own business? If I was crying I would understand but as the above examples show, it was nothing like that.

Just smile at them so they know you've heard them but don't say anything back so as not to invite conversation. You seem to be taking this all very personally, are you unhappy with the way you look?

Yeah, this... But I would add onto 'POLICE NOW,' ... 'there is a 12 year old wandering about in the ginnel.' 😂

Passing for a 5 year old when you're in your mid 40s, is definitely possible in the hazy crazy world of Mumsnet! Especially if you're teeny-tiny and eat massive salads.

I love this response!

As you look like a young female and these are always men, we all know what is happening here and YA absolutely NBU to be bothered by it.

My experience is that if you are really in bother, such as being harassed by a man, it’s a woman who will help you out. I’ve not once had a man step in to help in that situation.

Wtf has any of that got to do with age?

We live in a society. Its nice. People look out for each other sometimes.

The cul de sac thing? Maybe they thought you looked suspicious and they are neighbourhood watch.

🙄 hardly a drip feed, just another example.

OP I’d hate this. I’d tell them my age and eye roll. If it was me ‘I’m 33, married for 10 years and got 3 kids mate. I’m capable of crossing a road’

I’m 50 and no man had said stuff like that to me since I stopped being young and pretty.

Well, if either DH or I would wander into quiet cul-de-sak I would expect questions straight away - it’s the nature of cul-de-saks. And none of us looks young or slim.
the second example - you looked strange not on the bench hence the comment. In our local park hundreds people eat sitting on the grass - I bet my mortgage that no one ever gets any comments.
As to bless you, love, etc - it depends on the places you are visiting. You probably haven’t realised that they address most of their customers like this.

I refuse to believe the OP at nearly 40 years old, has never had a similar question/comment from any women.

It's probable that she only remembers the men, maybe.

Are you joking?? I’m always walking down cul de sacs with the baby - walk down the road, round a cul de sac, back to the road, down the next cul de sac. Are people really waiting at the windows to accost me? No.

If it’s their excuse to get to chat to you and it’s always older men I’d be annoyed.

The OP has said she's the opposite of pretty though.

Is there any characteristic all those ‘kind’ people had in common?

Er, why not just ask "Are you looking for a particular house?" What's with all the faux-concerned code language?

Are people really waiting at the windows to accost me? No.

Well no, I mean accosting someone would be an entirely different scenario and one I imagine is illegal.

It's a good job someone simply asked the OP if she was ok.

Youth is pretty. You really see it when you age. Young people don’t see it though because it’s normal to them. The older men being ‘friendly’ will see it.

It’s just a tactic some men use so that they can talk to you without appearing to be letchy. It’s manipulative because if you complain they can huff and puff about how they were only trying to help.

Although if you’re in a cul de sac looking lost, it’s pretty normal to be asked if you’re ok. Unless you’re a black man and then it’ll be plastered all over NextDoor and the community WhatsApp group.

Sweetie, you don't look like a teenager.

Was early for work one day so walked up the road into a cul drive sac. I quite easily could have been going to someone's house or posting a letter. Immediately though an older man said 'Are you OK?!'.

Sounds like a resident seeing if they can help you. You meant to walk around the cul de sac or had you made a mistake?

Sitting down on some steps to eat lunch and another man comes up to me "Are you OK?! You don't need to sit there, there are benches further up.'

Someone tells you that there’s a bench rather than steps, perfectly reasonable.

Today, crossing the road. An older man shouts "Be careful!! A car nearly hit you, you were not looking.' (I was and it was miles away and I told him this).

Again, not unreasonable if you think someone was at risk. His perspective would be different from yours.

Seems like you’re looking for an issue that isn’t there. And 37 but looking 15+ years younger, irrelevant stealth brag.

I'm not sure what it is but something about men always trying to seek attention from women or center themselves.

You're just not allowed to be existing in public and minding your own business.

There are probably studies done on this. I'll have look around my uni library.

I'm fairly sure the OP is better placed to know whether she's pretty or not.

Besides, not all young people are pretty, surely you must recognise that?

Now I've got an earworm of The Prodigy's 'Firestarter' and it's all your fault!

Its men trying to open a dialogue, I looked very young for a long time and then aged about a decade and caught up with myself. It was relentless until I actually started to look more my age I had nowhere near as much harassment after. Part of me thinks well I looked better then but a big part of me also thinks that younger women have not quite caught on to how dreadful men are so men target younger women for that reason.

Yep.

Wow! You are upset because people have shown you some decency? Sad world it’s become.