To wish people would leave me alone in public?

[TheLostNights]

I know I will get some nasty responses but I am so tired of this.
I'm 37 but look late teens/early 20's according to everyone and no, I am not proud or happy about this, it's beyond awkward and embarrassing.
Anyway, because of this maybe, I feel that when I go out alone, older adults seem to be concerned about me. Some examples are:

Was early for work one day so walked up the road into a cul drive sac. I quite easily could have been going to someone's house or posting a letter. Immediately though an older man said 'Are you OK?!'.

Sitting down on some steps to eat lunch and another man comes up to me "Are you OK?! You don't need to sit there, there are benches further up.'

Today, crossing the road. An older man shouts "Be careful!! A car nearly hit you, you were not looking.' (I was and it was miles away and I told him this).

Aibu to just want to be left alone and for people to mind their own business? If I was crying I would understand but as the above examples show, it was nothing like that.

That’s a guy being creepy.

I used to look a lot younger at your age. It was quite funny sometimes - I got a lecture on being safe with a bleach cleaning item in a hardware store from a lady who apologised when I told her my age. But with men, it’s incredibly annoying. Just say “no” as soon as they start on you. But yes it’s annoying.

Might be my favourite autocorrect ever.

Hard for me to relate to this. That said I once tried to buy tippex ( pre computers, word processors etc) and they thought I was a yoof who wanted to sniff it. I think you just need to stick it out for a few more years. Before long we all end up looking haggard and knackered and nobody will look twice/ give a shit.

The cul de sac thing. You’re probably on the Facebook group as someone “acting suspiciously” 😂

Yanbu and those who think it’s people “being kind” probably haven’t experienced this and are clueless. It’s usually something men do when they want to talk to women, whether the woman wants their approach or not, and I agree with @Redebs .

I’ve always looked much younger too, but I don’t think that’s the whole story. The last time I got the “are you all right” treatment, I was sitting in the shade on the grass in town, looking at my phone. Middle of the day, lots of people around, I wasn’t doing anything whatsoever that could have suggested there was anything wrong. A man crossed the road to come and ask “are you ok”. I just got up and walked off. I was annoyed that he disturbed my peace but didn’t want to get into a conversation with him to explain myself. There is no chance whatsoever that he would have asked a man, boy or couple if they were OK because they were sitting in a public place looking at their phone. It’s always women and girls.

I was 59! It’s just one of the many ways that men can’t accept that women are allowed to be somewhere and do something on their own.

If someone wandered into our cul de sac I'd probably ask them if the were ok? Thinking they were lost or something. In fact I have done that. What they look like has no bearing on me trying to be helpful.

I've never had this sort of thing happen. Wolf whistle/smile it might never happen type stuff yes. But no one has ever told me off for crossing the road wrong or asked if I'm okay

Do you look a bit dazed/confused? Do you have a worried expression?

To be honest if I saw someone sitting on some steps when there was a bench near by I'd probably wonder if they were okay. If you looked vunerable/confused in someway I might check.

Love/darling/bless you/sweetie are all just phrases people use, nothing to do with age and its just how some people talk.

I’ve experienced this too, OP. I’m now late 30s but have always looked much younger. There have been occasions where Ive had men almost insist on helping me even when it’s unnecessary. Some have been very insistent and then verge on aggressive when their help is refused. I don’t think it’s a ‘pretty’ thing as some have suggested, as I’m not particularly slim or attractive. But I am short with a very baby face.

😂

How awful kind people trying to look after you.

You need to practice your resting bitch face. One of my friends asked me once why I never seem to get bothered like she does and that's the reason-she looks all sweet and approachable whereas I naturally just look angry. I don't do it on purpose but it has served me well. Combine that with purposeful walking and take up a bit of space and see if that makes a difference. Don't give them the opportunity to attempt to exploit your seeming vulnerability.

I feel your pain @TheLostNights I am in my mid 50s, and am often mistaken for 13 to 16 years old. One woman in Tesco last week asked me what school I go to. It's so annoying. I think it's because I am teeny tiny with a cute little baby-ish face/large eyes/full lips. I am ALWAYS IDd for booze, and lottery tickets. I showed one man my driving licence the other week, and he said it must be a fake, because I am obviously no more than 15.

CURSE my youthful appearance.

I'm 38 but look about 25 and NOBODY takes me seriously or respects me as a woman & mother approaching 40.

Nope, I'm looked at as just another "young single mummy who picked the wrong man to have a child with". I just wish these people knew that I'm actually a peri-menopausal widow.
Bothers me every single day of my life and I'm sick to death of it

Well I am in my 50s and live in a cul de sac and I have said to people (male and female) are they ok, meaning are they looking for a particular house. Years ago I also stopped an elderly gentleman in town and pointed out that his wallet was sticking out of his back pocket. I think you're reading too much into it.

Practically though, if it's getting you down, you could:
Avoid wandering around looking aimless in places that don't get much foot traffic.
Avoid doing anything that could be percieved as unusual behaviour, like sitting down in places not designed for the purpose.
These are behaviours that are a bit of a magnet for attention.
When you're out and about,walk briskly with confidence, like you know where you're going and have no time to spare. Avoid eye contact with strangers.
I'm sure if you do these things the attention will at least reduce.
I get that's its annoying and unfair for you to behave differently, but there's no way of stopping people engaging with others, provided they're polite and unthreatening about it. All you can do is actively head if off, as above.

I've always looked young for my age (and am short) but have never experienced this, even in my teens and early 20s when I was still being taken for 12-14. Plenty of other patronising shite, but never that.

Am tended to think something else is going on over and above your mere physical appearance.

Umm I dont think that has anything to do with your looks tbh. That stuff happens to me, its just part of being in public. All sounds very tame I think you should probably ask yourself why you are so bothered by it.

I was mistaken for a fetus just last week. Wish I looked as old and haggard as all my worn out, middle aged contemporaries. 😭

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Was early for work one day so walked up the road into a cul drive sac. I quite easily could have been going to someone's house or posting a letter. Immediately thought an older man said 'Are you OK?!'.

Sitting down on some steps to eat lunch and another man comes up to me "Are you OK?! You don't need to sit there, there are benches further up.'

Today, crossing the road. An older man shouts "Be careful!! A car nearly hit you, you were not looking.' (I was and it was miles away and I told him this).

So far, so very normal.

If normal interactions bother you though OP, I recommend perfecting your resting murder face.

It takes time, it takes effort, and you need to be committed. But, speaking from personal experience, the benefits are incalculable once you really get the "Go ahead, punk. Make my day" look down pat.

If only I looked 40years younger but at 5ft 7in, passing as a 5yr old would be a reach

Or a Mumsnet thread with live updates and everyone shouting POLICE NOW!! 😂

😂

Do you get really embarrassed when people think your DS is your boyfriend and your DD is your sister? 😂

This reply 😂😂😂