To wish people would leave me alone in public?

[TheLostNights]

I know I will get some nasty responses but I am so tired of this.
I'm 37 but look late teens/early 20's according to everyone and no, I am not proud or happy about this, it's beyond awkward and embarrassing.
Anyway, because of this maybe, I feel that when I go out alone, older adults seem to be concerned about me. Some examples are:

Was early for work one day so walked up the road into a cul drive sac. I quite easily could have been going to someone's house or posting a letter. Immediately though an older man said 'Are you OK?!'.

Sitting down on some steps to eat lunch and another man comes up to me "Are you OK?! You don't need to sit there, there are benches further up.'

Today, crossing the road. An older man shouts "Be careful!! A car nearly hit you, you were not looking.' (I was and it was miles away and I told him this).

Aibu to just want to be left alone and for people to mind their own business? If I was crying I would understand but as the above examples show, it was nothing like that.

“Hey lonely young girl”🤔

@Paturday no, I was serious. It’s not like people run out of the house to ask but they do ask if they see a new person. Your neighbours probably know you that’s why they don’t ask.

Well 'I look vulnerable' probably answered your own question I suppose.

I live in a cul de sac, if I see someone I don't know wandering outside withought looking like they are actually going somewhere I always ask 'are you ok, can I help' whoever they are.

I'm not sure how you stop it though other than ignoring or telling them to mind their own.

I got this when I was younger, if I approached a bus stop and there was a man there, especially an older man, I knew it was only going to be about 20 seconds before he'd start some dumb conversation. so tedious. I had no patience for being polite. I used to say ''Actually, you don't know me'' with a tone of you're confuuuuuused you poor thing, talking to a stranger like you know them.

Wow, must be so dreadful for you both, when people don't realise you're better than a single mother.

This is nothing to do with how old you are or look- this type of thing happens to everyone

I am 42 and I look it. I have noticed people (men) still often speak to me as if I am an idiot. I am smiley and apologetic but (fairly sure) not an idiot. An older fella barked at me to move in the sports centre the other day because a screen was coming down. I moved and he ordered me to move again. The screen was about thirty feet away from where I was standing, so fuck knows why. My pal, also 42, recently got warned by the man selling her £1400 living room curtains that white fabric gets dirty. No shit Sherlock.

So I think it’s maybe not a You thing. Some of your anecdotes sound like they could be misplaced if genuine concern. Hello Lonely Young Girl is weird AF. I suppose it might have been dangerous for you to reply Hello Creepy Old Man but no court would convict you😜

This. Some people like to make small talk and see it as being friendly. Some people don't want anyone talking to them and regard it as intrusive, patronising, insulting.
Some of the time this is of course the case, often it's not and is a matter of people being different.

Don’t ever move to Glasgow. 😀

Meh, I had a lady in Florida few months ago pull up her car and say something like "Well done you! So good to be out running & keeping fit!"

I knew she was just checking me because I ran into her cul de sac & back out, but she probably thought I was deciding which houses to rob. She kept me nattering for a few minutes. I end up explaining that I'm staying with step-sis about 200m away and she should go on neighbourhood Facebook to verify my story. People just end up checking anyone who looks out of ordinary.

There is definitely something more going on here.

I'm in London.
I have a kid like face so maybe it is that. At work, everyone assumed I was between 19-23 before they knew my actual age. This is an ongoing thing in my life and certainly nothing I am happy about. I would do anything to look even late twenties not this weird kid look I have about me. Of course I'm not going to post a photo though. MN is harsh enough as it is. Don't want anymore negative comments about my face. I give myself enough daily. Don't know why people think looking really young looks beautiful. It isn't. People would only have to see me to make that connection.
As for the cul de sac thing, I had literally just started walking down the road so not like I was loitering or anything.
There's also a few more examples I can think of. Once when I walked by the river I was asked again if I was OK by a security guard even though he had barely glanced at me and then when I was buying scissors at age 30 I was told (again by a man) 'Be careful. They are very sharp.'
Until I wrote this thread I had not made the connection that it was always men and never women.

Ah, I definitely had this experience of men asking me intrusive questions when I was younger., Very patriarchal and condescending! Now unfortunately (much older) I get this shut from both sexes with the "dear", "love", etc in shops! It makes me cringe and I feel so infantilised. If it's in a place ( like a somewhere I wouldn't use normally) I just walk out. Not so easy if it's your corner shop...does my head in....argh!

@TheLostNights I am very simular, nearly 42 but still look about 20. I totally get you, although I apart from the cutesy names some men use, I don't get the other stuff. It must be really frustrating. I absolutely hate looking so young. It certainly isn't something to be grateful for. It's helped contribute to my self esteem issues.

I think you sound bizarre 🤷‍♀️
Can't people be nice anymore without people being offended !

That’s what I was thinking!

Or Ayrshire, where people talk to strangers like they’re related to them!

I get this from men. Infrequently now, thank God, but it still happens. Being advised when to cross the road is their favourite.

When my children were small, I'd often do that thing where you pretend you can't do something or know something just so the child can have the pleasure of showing you how/explaining it. We were once in a swimming pool and my child was explaining to me how to push off from the side (which I knew). Cue some random male pitching in and showing me. I wonder with the child-related things men do it because they just don't know much about children.

I'm your age and I don't think I look particularly young, but I get this happen to me quite a lot.

As in I fairly often get offers of 'help' when I don't really need/want it. I think mostly people are just trying to be nice.

I have anxiety which is quite bad at times and when people do this, inside I'm screaming "please leave me alone".

Apart from genuine harassment it would be a bit sad if no one could talk to each other.

I used to get this A LOT when aged 15-27ish, after that rarely, now virtually never. Always from men. I think they just want to try to strike up conversations or something. I do think age/youth plays a part.

having said that I did live in Glasgow in my late teens so maybe that was it…

@CustardySergeant sorry .. obvs I meant ignore but maybe I do ignite the world but I'm oblivious due to loud music in my ears 🤣

I was at a bus stop in Leicester last year and a random old man came up and started mansplaining in detail how to catch a bus, then refused to leave me alone until my bus came, and chaperoned me onto the bus.

I'm perfectly capable of catching a bus!

Why do men have to do this, is it just a power thing?

Can't people be nice anymore without people being offended !

Why do you think men accosting random women to be condescending and treat them like stupid children is "being nice"?

If it's just "being nice" then how come men never offer unsolicited "nice" advice to other men?

You were looking vulnerable/lost or whatever

Someone asked if you were ok

The problem is?