WIBU to tell this man to back off shouting at the pharmacist assistant?

[SurferRona]

I was in a large pharmacists earlier to pick up antibiotics and a man being served by an assistant in front of me suddenly started shouting at her telling her to ‘say please, if you want me to pay’ that ‘you don’t just say that’ll be £21.01, you say please. Now say please and I’ll pay’, ‘I expect you to be courteous and say please to me, say please and I’ll pay’…. Properly angry. The woman was youngish and looked scared, and didn’t seem to know how to respond, or what to do. So I called across to him to back off, there was no need for that, couldn’t he see he was scaring her? He then turns on me telling me to keep out of it, nothing to do with me. I responded again saying it was to do with me as he was bullying a scared young woman, which was also racist (assistant looked to be of south Asian descent), there no need for it, and he was clearly just having a go at a young woman just trying to do her job. The male pharmacy manager then came over and the man quietened down. He then kept saying he wasn’t racist- but I thought it was as he wouldn’t have behaved like that to a white man serving him, and did quieten down once the male pharmacist came across. WIBU for intervening like that? My other half keeps telling me to keep my neb out of things like that, but I just kept thinking what if it were my daughter…. How else should I have dealt with it? If at all? I have no idea if I just made it worse for the young woman assistant☹️

As you weren't there, you can't make that judgment. Often inherent racism tends to show in things like body language and facial expression as much as what people say, and the fact that this man was pulling the assistant up on her language certainly tends to indicate racism.

Even if he wasn't being racist, the fact is that it brought him up short, which is definitely what needed to happen. If you are being a nasty, misogynist prick, you're not in a position to complain about how people interpret your behaviour.

He got angry quickly shame on him. But he is right, British society is so mixed now, what was very British - politeness - is now pretty much gone.

Sorry, somehow posted that last one accidentally. It was a quote from another post. Starting again:

He got angry quickly shame on him. But he is right, British society is so mixed now, what was very British - politeness - is now pretty much gone.

No, he wasn't right, The assistant was being perfectly polite. She doesn't have to beg for payment.

@XOL He is right? to scream at someone to demand saying please?

The same politenesss the Brits extended when they plundered and ravaged most of Africa/commonwealth

Oh yes i forget, you are very much not a racist country.

More likely sexism as he quietened down when the man came over.

Yes, and the man who came over was
white as op mentioned.

Obviously, we weren't there but op was.

Posters here seem happy to call his behaviour misogynistic and sexist, but not racist.

After all, he didn't say anything to suggest sexism either.

You don't need to explicitly use racist language for your behaviour to be racially motivated.

Thanks all- even for comments which disagree with me calling out what I viewed as racism. For info, the assistant was being polite, she is very quiet, she’s not a big ‘chatterer’ (I’ve been served by her before) but she is perfectly polite, helpful and nice. No reason whatsoever for him to react how he did. I heard her interaction with him, it was absolutely fine.

interestingly, he was on his phone at the start of it, loudly ‘nah mate, it was all good’ etc., I did think he was a bit rude staying on the phone when she was transacting his items!

As I explained, that was a quote from someone else (@Dibbydoos in fact) which I accidentally posted before commenting on it. See my post at 09.01.

I've worked in retail a really long time and have been shouted at by men an women of many different races / ethnicities so I'm not sure if he was racist but it's possible. There are definitely a lot of sexist men out there though who don't like dealing with women. These are just some of the reasons the "karen" stereotype is bollocks.

I once had a grown man shouting at me like this over some mouldy bread when I was about 16 and no one stepped in to help me. I think you did the right thing.

thank you @xsquared

people happy to assign misogyny and sexist, but oh no he's not racist.
So many microagressions in that post. but no the OP is the bad person for calling it out. I honestly despair!

Thanks OP, for sticking up for her!

apologies @Xol . I'm really sorry. I have seen it now.

Well done for standing up to a bully. I worked in a customer facing role for years and I’ve been very grateful when other customers have helped me in hostile situations.

@SurferRona i think bystanders that witness this behaviour and say nothing are as bad as the abuser.
The store assistant would have felt so much worse if everyone had just stood by and let him continue roaring at her. You’re a hero!
The poor girl, I think the world is so horrible at the moment, glad to have people like you in it

Don’t agree with his intimidating attitude at all but I agree that she should have said please. I can’t imagine correcting someone else’s lack of manners tbh and her age probably came into it for this man who sounds like a bully.

As soon as this man started saying he wouldn't pay unless the assistant said please he was effectively claiming an intention to steal the goods. It's the sort of situation where you really want it to turn out that someone else in the shop is a police officer who instantly arrests the twat.

We need more women like you. Thank you for sticking up for her.

Why? Genuine question

I bet he was racist, he expected more deference from a young woman of colour and he felt he could get away with harassing someone of less privilege than himself.

Well done you for giving her support!

It's would be wrong to guess at the motivation behind someone's behaviour if they weren't being a nasty, bullying arse. But I can't get upset about you judging him because maybe it made him think for a minute about how his nasty behaviour could look to others - even if he wasn't being deliberately racist.

@myoldfriendtime I am interested to know why you think he was sexist but not racist as there was as much evidence for either ( or neither)?

Well done you! Every day hero

Yanbu to call him out for the disgraceful bullying.

Yabvu to call him racist unless he was directly using racist language. You have no idea of his motivations and you're just making baseless assumptions from your own prejudices.

If the word "racism" is to mean anything, then it can't just be bandied about willy nilly whenever you feel like it. That only cheapens the concept and is totally unhelpful in situations like this (and society in general quite frankly). The 2020s fad/trend to see racism everywhere is ultimately going to help no-one except the far right.

Me too, I just don’t get it why people are coming to this conclusion from what was posted.
Please can someone explain how body language can show racism or misogyny? I would genuinely like to know the thinking here.

Sounds like racism to me. People think being racist is just shouting racist slurs at someone but it is often more subtle than that. I am a person of colour and my husband is white. When I go into a local shop, i am ignored and when I pay the change is thrown at me. My husband gets treated like a king.

People don’t tend to say racist things like years ago but the poor treatment is often still there. It is an easier way to hide their racism.

@MaybeSmaller he didn’t use sexist language either but we have all assumed he was sexist.

He stopped shouting when older, male, white and more qualified person turned up. Which of these attributes made him shut up?

Well done for intervening. What an arsehole.