Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell this man to back off shouting at the pharmacist assistant?

356 replies

SurferRona · 18/02/2023 22:44

I was in a large pharmacists earlier to pick up antibiotics and a man being served by an assistant in front of me suddenly started shouting at her telling her to ‘say please, if you want me to pay’ that ‘you don’t just say that’ll be £21.01, you say please. Now say please and I’ll pay’, ‘I expect you to be courteous and say please to me, say please and I’ll pay’…. Properly angry. The woman was youngish and looked scared, and didn’t seem to know how to respond, or what to do. So I called across to him to back off, there was no need for that, couldn’t he see he was scaring her? He then turns on me telling me to keep out of it, nothing to do with me. I responded again saying it was to do with me as he was bullying a scared young woman, which was also racist (assistant looked to be of south Asian descent), there no need for it, and he was clearly just having a go at a young woman just trying to do her job. The male pharmacy manager then came over and the man quietened down. He then kept saying he wasn’t racist- but I thought it was as he wouldn’t have behaved like that to a white man serving him, and did quieten down once the male pharmacist came across. WIBU for intervening like that? My other half keeps telling me to keep my neb out of things like that, but I just kept thinking what if it were my daughter…. How else should I have dealt with it? If at all? I have no idea if I just made it worse for the young woman assistant☹️

OP posts:
EnjoyAGoodHorrorFilm · 18/02/2023 23:10

He sounded like a knob but the racism card? Really.

whereaw · 18/02/2023 23:11

I would have said something, not dissimilar to you, and well done for doing so. But I wouldn't bring race into it

CrinkleCutChips · 18/02/2023 23:11

I agreed with you right up until you said it was racist. How did you know that his actions were racist? Was he calling her a racist slur? Don’t get involved next time, get a member of staff. He could have had a knife or something.

Original poster
SurferRona · 18/02/2023 23:12

Yes, @Ceilingplaits - good spot, that’s really insightful about him trying to ‘correct’ her language, maybe that’s what made me get that sense from him. Just ugh. I hope she’s ok. There is often a big queue in there too, so it can’t be an easy place to work!

OP posts:
EarthFireAirWater · 18/02/2023 23:14

SurferRona · 18/02/2023 23:02

That’s horrific EarthFireAirWater, it’s been decades since I was in a retail or service job, but never had people like that to deal with. Not a job I could today!

I used to love dispensing but dealing with the public broke me.
I met some lovely people and not all treated us like dirt, but the ones that did made the job not worth it.

MissMaple82 · 18/02/2023 23:15

What the Holy fuck did you bring race into it for????? How dare you accuse someone if being racist. The man was clearly obnoxious, but to outright call them a racist is pretty diabolical

Original poster
SurferRona · 18/02/2023 23:15

I’m so sorry to hear this- and thank you for your care when you did do the job!

OP posts:
Original poster
SurferRona · 18/02/2023 23:16

Sorry, that was to @EarthFireAirWater

OP posts:
Jazzy21 · 18/02/2023 23:16

Interesting that you calling him racist was the thing that made him check himself.

FWIW I think you did the right thing calling him out.

MissMaple82 · 18/02/2023 23:16

And the more I ponder it, the more likely the racist is you OP!!

Original poster
SurferRona · 18/02/2023 23:17

I explain above @MissMaple82 And I’m not sure that it was really ‘diabolical’, but okay 😀

OP posts:
whereaw · 18/02/2023 23:17

I think anyone would 'check themselves' if you called them racist.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/02/2023 23:20

That's just the thing @SurferRona, people often think racism is only if someone says a racial slur. It oftentimes isn't and tbh it would be easier to navigate life if that were the case.

Jazzy21 · 18/02/2023 23:21

I think I’d check myself if I was accused of many things, as well as racism.

IchWill · 18/02/2023 23:24

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. At the one day festival run by Radio 2. So not a place where you'd expect aggro. I'm also female and only 5'4".

Festival had signs on the way in and in the queue to the bar to say that to prevent waste, you had to pay a deposit for a branded hard plastic drink glass, which you'd reuse at each bar visit and could either return at the end of the day for a refund, or keep it as a souvenir. No problem.

I get to front of the queue and find myself next to a towering bloke, buying 6 pints. Young girl, aged about 18 says it's £72. He thinks he's misheard and she said £30 is a deposit for glasses, and tried to explain about the scheme. When he starts screaming in her face, he's "not fucking paying any fucking deposits, who the fuck did she think she fucking was? Thirty fucking quid... "

I'm rarely rendered speechless, but literally nobody at the bar, or behind it stepped in. As I was next to him, I gently touched his arm, and said, "C'mon mate, just listen to the girl, you do get your money back, she doesn't make the rules... " He span round, loomed over me and started screaming in my face, he had red face, spit flying out of his mouth as he demanded I ".. mind my own fucking business, you nosey fucking cow!"

My knees were knocking, but a crowd was watching (fuck knows we're security were) and I summoned some confidence and told him to back the fuck off and that the young girl didn't get paid enough to deal with vile wankers like him, and added "get your drinks and fuck off!"

Some other blokes in the queue started to gather round him, letting them know of their presence, he slammed his card down, paid and stomped off.

The poor girl was so shaken, she kept saying sorry to me?!? I was shaken up too, and pissed off nobody else stepped in.

So, sorry for the long reply, but good for you, wanted to share my story. And although I absolutely abhor bad manners, bullying the girl was totally uncalled for. Well done.

whereaw · 18/02/2023 23:31

Well done for saying something @IchWill . Did you also call him racist?

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 18/02/2023 23:32

Whilst I absolutely HATE it when people don’t say please and thank you, there’s a certain type of nasty man who picks only on women. I bet he wouldn’t have said that had the assistant been a strapping 6’5” bodybuilder bloke.

Original poster
SurferRona · 18/02/2023 23:35

Good for you @IchWill , it’s shit it’s so scary to stand up against these men, but glad you did.

OP posts:
ShittySanta · 18/02/2023 23:36

whereaw · 18/02/2023 23:31

Well done for saying something @IchWill . Did you also call him racist?

Race wasn't a part of the situation I was involved with. It was a bloke in his late 40s / early 50s picking on an 18 year old girl.

Cherrysoup · 18/02/2023 23:39

How was he racist? Sexist, because he wouldn’t speak to a male assistant in that way.

IchWill · 18/02/2023 23:41

SurferRona · 18/02/2023 23:35

Good for you @IchWill , it’s shit it’s so scary to stand up against these men, but glad you did.

I genuinely struggled to walk afterwards for a few mins, my legs were like jelly. Only time I'd ever been wobbly like that was after a car accident.

IchWill · 18/02/2023 23:42

Sorry for the name change fail. I changed it to Shitty Santa at Christmas for a post about secret Santa and can't change it back to default. 🤣

whereaw · 18/02/2023 23:42

That's what I mean. It's misogyny, sexism. Race might be a factor, but not necessarily, and I think the point is that we as women recognise and step in because we recognise and understand it.

IndiaDreamer · 19/02/2023 02:28

I knew before I got to the bit about her being Asian, that she was not going to be white British.

I think her being Asian was a major factor in his outburst.

Well done for calling him out.

MrsMikeDrop · 19/02/2023 02:36

MrsMikeDrop · 18/02/2023 23:01

Agree with this. I don't think it was racist though, in fact you were being racist thinking it was. What does his race have to do with anything Hmm

Show quote history

I've just read the OP again, I thought the man was South Asian not the shop assistant. Yes, he probably was being racist. Good on you for calling it out