WIBU to tell this man to back off shouting at the pharmacist assistant?

[SurferRona]

I was in a large pharmacists earlier to pick up antibiotics and a man being served by an assistant in front of me suddenly started shouting at her telling her to ‘say please, if you want me to pay’ that ‘you don’t just say that’ll be £21.01, you say please. Now say please and I’ll pay’, ‘I expect you to be courteous and say please to me, say please and I’ll pay’…. Properly angry. The woman was youngish and looked scared, and didn’t seem to know how to respond, or what to do. So I called across to him to back off, there was no need for that, couldn’t he see he was scaring her? He then turns on me telling me to keep out of it, nothing to do with me. I responded again saying it was to do with me as he was bullying a scared young woman, which was also racist (assistant looked to be of south Asian descent), there no need for it, and he was clearly just having a go at a young woman just trying to do her job. The male pharmacy manager then came over and the man quietened down. He then kept saying he wasn’t racist- but I thought it was as he wouldn’t have behaved like that to a white man serving him, and did quieten down once the male pharmacist came across. WIBU for intervening like that? My other half keeps telling me to keep my neb out of things like that, but I just kept thinking what if it were my daughter…. How else should I have dealt with it? If at all? I have no idea if I just made it worse for the young woman assistant☹️

This exactly. An aggressive white man having a go at a South Asian sales assistant insisting she says please before he pays up. Can you see it now?!

I would have done exactly the same - more than once I’ve said would you speak to the assistant if it was - 6.4ft man rather than the usually young person, reminding them they just being a bully usually gets them to shut up.

Oh another thread full of the "No one should abuse customer facing staff - but - <insert excuse here> (usually 'customer service is shit' whines)" the OP has said that the lady was perfectly polite and that the interaction was fine (on the assistants part) so there's no but, stop excusing abusive behaviour because of someone's job.

And I think this is likely a layered thing, being in a customer service role is the big one, and then add being a woman, a young woman and then a young Asian woman and the entitlement someone like this feels to abuse just increases with each 'layer'. Some people look for targets in their every day life, and anyone customer facing is a really big one because they're never supposed to stand up for themselves in any way shape or form and people absolutely take advantage of that to validate themselves and to improve their self image "I told them, did you see" 🙄.

I do agree however, that although both sex and race played a part here, saying it's racism has now led to the man being sympathised with for being called racist and has totally deflected away from the actual issue - it's basically socially acceptable to treat people like this.

By the way I think it was a nice thing to do to intervene with regards shouting at the pharmacist, just a bit confused about the other accusations you have levelled at him.

I would assume racism played a part too op.

you were in the right for sticking up for her.

Next time a younger, smaller than you service provider doesn't use their manners will you respond how he did?

I'm guessing not

One, some, all, who knows. Discussing afterwards whether he might have had racist motivations is one thing. My issue is the direct accusation of racism to someone who has not directly been racist. That is useful in precisely 0 situations if your intention is to defuse rather than inflame.

You absolutely did the right thing, OP.

He was definitely sexist, demanding a 'please' in that manner from a young woman just trying to do her job quickly and efficiently.

And he may well have been racist. Appearances counts. And it could well have come across that way, so saying it out loud made him stop and rethink as soon as he realised 'important' (male pharmacist, other customers) were clocking what was going on.

It was the right call to use those words to shut his abusive behaviour down imo.

Even quietly correcting a stranger's rudeness is rude in and of itself, so inappropriate.

What he was doing was bang out of order: abusive, bullying behaviour, rooted in sexism and possibly racism as well.

Why do people insist on hearing the word please as though it's some magic word that proves your politeness and no matter how or what else you say, if that specific word isn't included then you're automatically rude? You can be the politest person in the world without saying please and the rudest person by saying it, it all depends on context, tone and attitude.

"Ok so that's all your shopping in the bag there for you and your total is £14.12 all together. Is that everything today, sir?", said with a smile and pleasant tone is apparently rude because there's no "please" in there. But a short "£14.12 please" would be politer to some people just because they explicitly used the word "please".

I work in customer service and some customers will find anything to complain about. When I worked on the checkouts I used to have a regular customer who would find fault whatever I did, if I didn't say please then that was wrong, if I said please then my tone was rude, if I was chatty then I was holding her up, if I didn't chat to her I was surly; essentially if I served her I was rude, if I excused myself to have someone else serve her I was rude to and she would shout at me in front of other customers and then storm off to complain. In the end my manager actually told the customer that she was going to class this as harassment as the customer clearly took issue with me but still made the decision to be served by me every time she came into the store (I was never the only checkout operator so there was always another option) and every time she made a different complaint.

She told the customer that from then on I was no longer going to serve her and that if she approached my till again then I was to call a supervisor to take over and go directly to management to report further harassment and the customer would be banned from the store. Amazingly she made one further attempt, when she joined my queue while I was serving a couple of other customers, but when I saw her and immediately called over to a colleague for them to ring our supervisor to come down from the office she suddenly got out of my queue and disappeared back into the shop. When she came back a few minutes later she saw my supervisor approaching the checkouts and automatically joined the queue at the other checkout - despite me then having no queue by this point - which showed she knew exactly what she was doing but assumed that we would not actually follow through with the threat of reporting/banning her.

So is it fine to call a man a paedophile if you don't like the way he is talking to a child? After all, he may well be one.

I wouldn’t say racism but he was out of order and you did right to intervene. That being said, I think she should of said please without prompting.

Or are these not words to be chucked around in public settings and accuse people of willy nilly?

Why should she have said please?

Why is it mandatory to say that word in customer service?

Why is being polite, courteous and pleasant not enough?

this exactly, shame on you OP, why the fuck do you tie that to racism. He sounds a bit mentally unwell and you put 2 and f together and you post on here, pull your shit together.

@Wife2b should HAVE
not of!

Thank you for sticking up for this person. I’m sure she greatly appreciated it and perhaps it will make that man think again before he takes his bitterness / frustrations out on someone else. I’ve witnessed a couple of arguments involving older men being rude recently and wonder if it’s also to do with age and their diminishing role in society (in addition to outdated misogynistic views which definitely still play a huge part).

Was she not just stating the total amount. Why would you need to say please?

Manners?

Please and thank you just roll off the tongue for me. I actually said the sentence out loud to try it out and it felt uncomfortable without the word. I find it rude and you don’t that’s ok.

I wouldn’t accuse someone of racism / sexism and all the other ‘ism’s’ being talked about on here, I have absolutely no way of knowing the goings on in the mind of a complete stranger who thought not saying please was impolite. I do think he sounds like a bully though and as I said before someone else’s lack of manners isn’t my business so can’t imagine getting worked up about it.

To label someone'a racist' is inflammatory and tells the assistant that you perceive it as being a race thing as to why she is being treated like that. There are examples here where similar things happen between an old man and young woman and race is not a factor.

It might have been racially motivated - but no one can know that, apart from the man himself.

She didn't say 'you are a sexist' 'you are a misogynist' but said 'you are a bully' (correct) and 'you are a racist' (possibly- but how can you know?)

You can call people out on their behaviour, and you should (I would too) but to tell them who they are and their innate motivations, values, inner thoughts and beliefs goes far beyond this. Especially from a snapshot moment like this.

in what sense, she says that will be 10 pounds miss/madam/mr/mrs etc.. and the response should be please? would u ever get real.

It's good you intervened but I don't see where the racism comes into it. You can't just claim 'racist' because someone is a bully. You have no idea how he behaves with white people. For all anyone knows, he probably behaves the same way.

@aonbharr you say "that'll be £12 please". That's just really, really basic.

Is anyone still alive from that period? Every European country is therefore racist because they all took a share. Different tribes are racist because they practiced ethnic cleansing and land theft. We don't blame the youth of Germany for the holocaust. Perhaps apply a bit of thinking.

OP, you were right to stand up to him, but it was more likely sexism than racism. Sexism and ageism are the two that we still don't respond to. Just look at tiger woods action being supported. If someone had have handed Woods a watermelon etc, he'd be baying for blood and get it.