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To ask my 18 year old for board.

322 replies

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 20:18

He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already.

He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference.

Vote away, vipers.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 17/02/2023 10:19

VeronicaFranklin · 17/02/2023 09:18

£80 a month seems reasonable, I think it is important for children to understand that life isn't free. Paying some contribution to board encourages them to have some financial responsibility and if things are tight for you and he is living with you, using gas/electric and eating food you buy and he is working then he absolutely should contribute something.

She wants £80 a WEEK not a month

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 10:20

@takealettermsjones he ordered himself a pizza last night and sat and ate it in the room with us 😂 And that's fine! It's his money he can get himself a pizza if he likes.

Also all those absolutely pissing over him being skint - I'm asking for £80. He will probably have £750-£800 left over. £500 for savings and £300 to do with as he pleases.

In January our circumstances will drastically change and we will be able to contribute to him going to Uni. Also he will get a student loan.

OP posts:
GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 10:20

@IDontWantToBeAPie RTFT. I corrected it I want £80 a month.

OP posts:
IDontWantToBeAPie · 17/02/2023 10:22

Ohhh my apologies then. £80 a month I think is fine tbh. It's not much from his wage. I thought you wanted £360!!

Yeah £80 is reasonable contribution.

I think the amount is what's swayed this so far the other way.

StanFransDisco · 17/02/2023 10:23

So @GenderCriticalTrumpets the only people talking sense are the ones in agreement with you. You've gone from needing the money to giving him a life lesson. Which is it? Can I ask what on earth his job is that he's earning 800-900 a month at 17 when minimum wage at that age is £4 something?

summerisnearlyhere · 17/02/2023 10:27

We charge our 19 year old £30 a week which is very low! But saving the money in a separate account for when he wants a deposit for a house. He doesn't know this

Itisbetter · 17/02/2023 10:28


  1. how old is he
  2. will you get CB till September
Dotjones · 17/02/2023 10:28

Is his 800-900 a month after tax? What's he doing, I guess he must a waiter or something and getting a lot of tips at that amount?

Flamingogirl08 · 17/02/2023 10:29

Is he still in school/college?

20viona · 17/02/2023 10:32

£80 a month is fine I use to pay that when I earned that type of money.

Sep200024 · 17/02/2023 10:32

So, you’ll have child benefit until September, and then circumstances change so dramatically that not only will you not have child benefit or money from your son, you will also be able to give him money to support with his university costs?

What a nonsense this thread has turned out to be.

Dotcheck · 17/02/2023 10:42

How many hours is he working?

He must be working tons. If you get child benefit for him, then chances are you won’t be able to help him with uni costs. That is of course fine, but he’s working tons to save. It doesn’t sound like you recognise how responsible he is being. He is planning, he’s working, he’s saving- why don’t those qualify as ‘valuable life lessons’?

Blueberry99 · 17/02/2023 10:45

If you’re so adamant that you are in the right why have you posted this on aibu?

Soakitup37 · 17/02/2023 11:08

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 10:17

And so the assumptions continue. What a wild ride! Thanks for all the people talking sense. Imagining it's unusual amongst his friendship group is hillarious! His BFF pays 100 a month. His other BFF gets 500 a month spend and doesn't work. Swings, roundabouts.

Suggesting I'm profiting off my child is also too funny. Ooh what will I do with all that money I'm menacing out of him? Probably get myself a Porche and go to the Caribbean! Can't wait.

I thought it would be a good life lesson in budgeting and contributing to family life.

you mean the people agreeing with you.

he doesn’t have “£700 left over” though he’s putting that into savings for uni. He’s got the focus to work and go to college and to get himself prepped for uni and you’re trying to take money from him for a life lesson? That’s going to come from uni anyway.

comparing what others do with their children is irrelevant too, it seems just a way to justify what you’re asking. You’ve lost nothing in the drop in income yet and asking him for more than it’ll cover.

if you want him to contribute stop doing his bedroom etc, you make yourself sound like a martyr. Either you do it because you want to or don’t.

he’ll be calling home from uni expressing how hard he is financially and you’ll probably still be reminding him how him leaving home has stifled you financially. It’s not his fault cb is coming to an end.

I don’t get this notion of suddenly 18 bing! Cough up kid you’re an adult now!

InForTheNight · 17/02/2023 11:14

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 20:21

80 a month!!! Not a week.

A month, sounds good to me. A week was a bit high! 😅

lacey79 · 17/02/2023 11:14

I started charging my adult child board when they left education and started full time employment, this happened shortly before turning 20 as they opted out of uni and wanted a full time job instead. Then i expected a reasonable contribution but i still paid for all main meal food, but no luxuries/snacks. They earned around £1500 a month and gave me £100 per week.

Mayhemmumma · 17/02/2023 11:22

Word it £20 a week to him, it's fine.

What's not fine is his attitude, he needs to recognise and appreciate what you do and what life costs.

You could tell/show him what you are using it for, ie can you put petrol in car and we'll use your £20 towards it.

Takeaway night, I'll put your £20 towards it.

Look we have a water bill, I'll put that £20 towards it.

I talk to my primary aged kids like this and they offer to use their pocket money for things!

HiImTheProblemItsMe · 17/02/2023 11:24

Of course yanbu. Over 10 years ago I was charged £200 a month plus the cost of a "big shop" once a month (about £60 I think at the time and I was responsible for going and buying it and putting it all away) by my parents. DH was also charged £200 a month as soon as he was earning. In fact it was the norm among my friends. Absolutely nothing to get worked up over. And none of us had these MN parents who saved it for us and gave it back either!

StanFransDisco · 17/02/2023 11:26

@HiImTheProblemItsMe were you and your husband at school at the time?

Lostinalibrary · 17/02/2023 11:28

I had a parent like this. There was a lot more to it than charging board. It’s the general tone of your posts. They now don’t see any of their children or grandchildren. Seriously, tread carefully. He’s still in compulsory education so a school child and you will still get chb until he leaves for uni. So what’s the problem?

Newnamenewme23 · 17/02/2023 11:30

If you are asking for rent I think he has the right to ask for his child benefit and any portion of UC you get for him.

can’t have it both ways. Either you get money from him to support him, or you get money from the gov. Not both.

GabriellaMontez · 17/02/2023 11:37


Don't protect him from the difficulties you're facing. He obviously needs a dose of reality.

Or invite him to find lodging somewhere.

Newnamenewme23 · 17/02/2023 11:48

GabriellaMontez · 17/02/2023 11:37


Don't protect him from the difficulties you're facing. He obviously needs a dose of reality.

Or invite him to find lodging somewhere.

Again, you’d really ask a sixth former to go find lodging elsewhere?

Swiftswatch · 17/02/2023 11:49

I dunno why you keep going on about CB. He’s only 17 and still in full time education doing his A levels. You haven’t lost child benefit and won’t until he leaves school.
It’s not relevant at all.

Abraxan · 17/02/2023 12:01

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 16/02/2023 21:31

All the posters saying they wouldn't charge him, why shouldn't he pay board? I paid my mum 100-150pw when I worked full time and lived at home.

He isn't work full time from the OP.
He is in education still and due to start university presumably in September. So it's a PT job fit around his studying.

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