Should I bring up the texts I saw to dh?

[rainyspring]

Dh gave me his phone to watch some videos and I saw a message pop up from his work colleague saying

"Yeah I know, she's too beautiful" so I just clicked on it and basically my husband started the convo to his colleague (male) about another colleague, saying "oh you can't miss her mate, she's stunning, absolutely beautiful"

To which the colleague goes "yeah quite taller than you though you will need ladders"

To my husband goes "that was what crossed my mind, imagine doggy style I would need a rope ha ha ha, every time she looks at me I get a hard on"

And then colleague replied with the above.

I want to mention it, but it will cause an argument and don't want to do that in front of my small children but is this normal lad convo I shouldn't have read?
I just feel kinda disgusted.

Would you mention it?

That's awful OP, really horrible. I'm not sure I could forget those words in a hurry

He sounds like a complete and twat.
A married man who has been in a job for three months and is being called a “ player’
What a pathetic prick of a man
Op, hope you don’t intend to attend any work functions. Your marriage will be the topic of conversation.
I would lose all respect for him . How fucking embarrassing

If you found out two of your colleagues were saying this about you how would you feel?

@Justine2884 so you’d be happy if 2 guys talked about doing your daughter doggy style then? Because it’s only a joke????? I really hope your daughter grows up knowing it’s not acceptable and she should never put up with that crap from guys. But hey if you think it’s cool that some guys from work want to do your daughter doggy style and you can have a laugh about it then all I can say is I hope you aren’t in HR. And have nothing to do with raising any other children

So it's a joke to talk about your COLLEAGUE giving you a hard on when she's just working? No.

Think it? Sure, can't control thoughts. But to say it is a fireable offence for good reason.

"Christ. Is this really what men think about as women are just walking around doing their jobs and living their lives"?

Sadly, yes, I think this is standard behaviour for quite a lot of males - and the fact so few of their friends and colleagues ever call it out is what helps to normalise it. It's a textbook case of toxic masculinity.

lol, this sounds like sexting between men but for a third party, a woman. Sorry to say it but his sexual desires are a little bit too much for him to be even bothered what he is doing with another coleague. Honestly, it is too much to hear, even i am a stranger, it is off putting

Well he sounds a right twat.
He's fresh in the door at work...but he's making an impression already.

I'd be so pissed off about those texts...not just the hurtful betrayal of me as he fetishises another woman, but just how fucking indiscreet he is, how blatant and proud.
Absolute bellend. No respect for anyone, not you, his colleague, the woman he is objectifying and certainly none for himself.
Yuck.

Why on earth wouldn't you mention it to him, are you scared of him?

It's not at all funny.

It's disrespectful to you and the woman at work. I'd be disgusted if my husband was having that conversation with colleagues.

Do not keep quiet because you don't want an argument. Don't let him get away with it.

You deserve better than that!

I have to reply to this OP to say this is not normal

I can 100 per cent tell you my husband has never, ever spoken like that about a colleague

It's disgusting EVEN if he was single. It's mysogynistic, he is behaving in a degrading way to you in front of colleagues - god I could go on

It sounds like he may actually be trying it on with this woman to me.

I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

A few years back I accidentally saw some messages between my husband at the time and his friends. They were banter but they were derogatory towards womens. I was shocked and quietly horrified. I didn’t mention to him as I told myself they were probably banter. I think I was in denial. However we have daughters and over the years his mask slipped shall we say. He wasn’t who I thought he was. There was another side that I didn’t like. Mention it when the children are in bed and be aware.

Mention it? He'd no longer be my husband!

Ew.

It's not even that he's being inappropriate (he is), or objectifying a colleague (he is), or opening himself up to formal sexual harassment complaint (he could be).

It's just that it's so pathetic and transparently try-hard-to-impress-a-lad. Unattractive af.

That is absolutely vile. He’s forgetting he’s a married man. He’s also forgetting she’s not a bit of meat.

‘Justine’ - are you male? Because you certainly sound like a one lurking about on here with shite ‘lads’ advice.

I think it was a joke between lads & it was never meant for anyone else's eyes. I think the lady in question should see it as a compliment

What the actual fuck?

And he mentions at work how he has had to tell colleagues he's happily married after they've accused him of being a player because of "how he looks"

Urgh. What a creep, and how full-of-himself he is! 'How he looks' is like a sleaze-bag.

No it’s not normal. I am beginning to despair at the low standards so many women have and the fact they have children with these gross assholes. @rainyspring it’s not your fault obviously and you have my sympathy. I don’t think he will change.

@Justine2884 I disagree strongly with you on both your posts.

It's not about whether he would cheat.

It's about him clearly thinking of women (that he works with) as objects to be fucked. And talks about them with another man who also does the same. Pair of disgusting misogynists who shouldn't be allowed anywhere near women.