Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Should I bring up the texts I saw to dh?

323 replies

rainyspring · 16/02/2023 17:04

Dh gave me his phone to watch some videos and I saw a message pop up from his work colleague saying

"Yeah I know, she's too beautiful" so I just clicked on it and basically my husband started the convo to his colleague (male) about another colleague, saying "oh you can't miss her mate, she's stunning, absolutely beautiful"

To which the colleague goes "yeah quite taller than you though you will need ladders"

To my husband goes "that was what crossed my mind, imagine doggy style I would need a rope ha ha ha, every time she looks at me I get a hard on"

And then colleague replied with the above.

I want to mention it, but it will cause an argument and don't want to do that in front of my small children but is this normal lad convo I shouldn't have read?
I just feel kinda disgusted.

Would you mention it?

OP posts:
Janbohonut · 17/02/2023 12:37

Apologies @VioletaDelValle I did not read carefully and can see that we are in fact on the same page.

VioletaDelValle · 17/02/2023 13:38

No worries!

MsDogLady · 17/02/2023 15:38

Are you planning to confront him, @rainyspring?

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 17:52

MsDogLady · 17/02/2023 15:38

Are you planning to confront him, @rainyspring?

I don't think so somehow!

ComfortablyDazed · 17/02/2023 18:05

The OP hasn’t been back to the thread!

I think she is busily sweeping under the carpet.

iamenough2023 · 17/02/2023 18:35

I think too that OP has left the thread. It makes me so sad to see how much women have put up with to save the marriage and keep family together. I do hope she find a courage to leave him. He does not deserve her or the kids.

MrBallensWife · 17/02/2023 18:52

Legend has it she is still looking through his phone 🤪

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 21:05

MrBallensWife · 17/02/2023 18:52

Legend has it she is still looking through his phone 🤪

GrinGrin

Crikeyalmighty · 17/02/2023 21:16

@ComfortablyDazed too true. In all honesty though it's not nice and quite a shock to process that your H isn't quite what you thought

newwings · 17/02/2023 21:17

Omg he is literally full of bs, living in a fantasy land trying to be a lad. I think he is acting up to the other men in the office to either impress or fit in. Either way that kind of texting would put me off him. You are like the safe loving wifey option meanwhile if he could would he jump this colleague? Or even if it is all talk and male bullshit bravado his immaturity is a mega turn off and he is frankly a first class pig. I also wonder that you are far too soft, how you have contained yourself to save an argument is beyond me. Maybe comment on how the new window cleaner is fit as hell and how you get wet at the sight of him, let's see if the penny drops? That would be a right conversation starter. Then I would tell him to pack his stuff and get himself a new beauty.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 21:24

newwings · 17/02/2023 21:17

Omg he is literally full of bs, living in a fantasy land trying to be a lad. I think he is acting up to the other men in the office to either impress or fit in. Either way that kind of texting would put me off him. You are like the safe loving wifey option meanwhile if he could would he jump this colleague? Or even if it is all talk and male bullshit bravado his immaturity is a mega turn off and he is frankly a first class pig. I also wonder that you are far too soft, how you have contained yourself to save an argument is beyond me. Maybe comment on how the new window cleaner is fit as hell and how you get wet at the sight of him, let's see if the penny drops? That would be a right conversation starter. Then I would tell him to pack his stuff and get himself a new beauty.

You've got the wrong post? Or you're crazy.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 17/02/2023 21:24

Crikeyalmighty · 17/02/2023 21:16

@ComfortablyDazed too true. In all honesty though it's not nice and quite a shock to process that your H isn't quite what you thought

So how many of you out there commenting are quite sure that you DH is what you thought. You can speculate all you want, but at the end of the day you can’t police your partners’ private thoughts, no matter how much you’d like to believe you can.

blubberyboo · 17/02/2023 21:25

rainyspring · 16/02/2023 17:19

Tbh he mentions women a lot and when I say I don't like it he says "I thought you could be like a friend too"

And he mentions at work how he has had to tell colleagues he's happily married after they've accused him of being a player because of "how he looks"

But now it's like he's just exposing himself to me.

But if that's how he's talking to other men no wonder, workplaces are gossipy and the colleagues probably said "oh yeah he thinks you're hot etc" and that's why people have the impression he's a player!

He only started the job 3 months ago!!

to be talking like that after 3 months to colleagues I can guarantee everyone outside your bubble thinks:

he’s a player
a creep
thats he’s a misogynist arse
that he cheats on you
They feel sorry for you

he just humiliates you every time he opens his mouth

Tandora · 18/02/2023 07:32

DotAndCarryOne2 · 17/02/2023 21:24

So how many of you out there commenting are quite sure that you DH is what you thought. You can speculate all you want, but at the end of the day you can’t police your partners’ private thoughts, no matter how much you’d like to believe you can.

Show quote history

They’re not his “private thoughts” though. He’s texting this to a colleague.

pictoosh · 18/02/2023 07:42

Don't think anyone expects to police thoughts here. It's about his actual blatant behaviour, not his thoughts.

VioletaDelValle · 18/02/2023 08:45

You can speculate all you want, but at the end of the day you can’t police your partners’ private thoughts, no matter how much you’d like to believe you can.

Who is talking about policing people's thoughts? It's about unacceptable behaviour.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 18/02/2023 09:14

VioletaDelValle · 18/02/2023 08:45

You can speculate all you want, but at the end of the day you can’t police your partners’ private thoughts, no matter how much you’d like to believe you can.

Who is talking about policing people's thoughts? It's about unacceptable behaviour.

Was speaking generally in response to posters who say they don’t believe their partners could have similar thoughts to the OPs DH. It’s something you can’t know.

Mardyface · 18/02/2023 10:38

My husband may well have thoughts about needing a ladder to do his colleague from behind. I am certain that he wouldn't voice this thought and even less send another colleague a message to that effect. He's not a dullard for one thing. For another he would recognise that while you can't help thoughts some if them should not leave the privacy of your own mind. I frequently think about stabbing a particular colleague in the face but I wouldn't tell anyone about it because that makes it something I think it's reasonable to think/share.

ProfessionalWeirdo · 18/02/2023 11:17

Various PPs have suggested taking screenshots of the messages. But wouldn't the OP need her DH's phone in order to do this? Or am I missing something?

DotAndCarryOne2 · 18/02/2023 12:13

Mardyface · 18/02/2023 10:38

My husband may well have thoughts about needing a ladder to do his colleague from behind. I am certain that he wouldn't voice this thought and even less send another colleague a message to that effect. He's not a dullard for one thing. For another he would recognise that while you can't help thoughts some if them should not leave the privacy of your own mind. I frequently think about stabbing a particular colleague in the face but I wouldn't tell anyone about it because that makes it something I think it's reasonable to think/share.

I think you’ve made the point better than I could.

Mardyface · 18/02/2023 12:56

DotAndCarryOne2 · 18/02/2023 12:13

I think you’ve made the point better than I could.

Show quote history

What, that texting a colleague about doggy styling another colleague is inappropriate whatever happens inside your head?

Crikeyalmighty · 18/02/2023 18:00

@DotAndCarryOne2 mine certainly isn't exactly what I thought- hence why I am a realist

ProfessionalWeirdo · 21/02/2023 12:06

OP, are there any developments?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page