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Original poster

Should I bring up the texts I saw to dh?

323 replies

rainyspring · 16/02/2023 17:04

Dh gave me his phone to watch some videos and I saw a message pop up from his work colleague saying

"Yeah I know, she's too beautiful" so I just clicked on it and basically my husband started the convo to his colleague (male) about another colleague, saying "oh you can't miss her mate, she's stunning, absolutely beautiful"

To which the colleague goes "yeah quite taller than you though you will need ladders"

To my husband goes "that was what crossed my mind, imagine doggy style I would need a rope ha ha ha, every time she looks at me I get a hard on"

And then colleague replied with the above.

I want to mention it, but it will cause an argument and don't want to do that in front of my small children but is this normal lad convo I shouldn't have read?
I just feel kinda disgusted.

Would you mention it?

OP posts:
Twawmyarse2 · 16/02/2023 17:23

rainyspring · 16/02/2023 17:19

Tbh he mentions women a lot and when I say I don't like it he says "I thought you could be like a friend too"

And he mentions at work how he has had to tell colleagues he's happily married after they've accused him of being a player because of "how he looks"

But now it's like he's just exposing himself to me.

But if that's how he's talking to other men no wonder, workplaces are gossipy and the colleagues probably said "oh yeah he thinks you're hot etc" and that's why people have the impression he's a player!

He only started the job 3 months ago!!

Eww. He sounds vile and also completely full of himself.

His job/workplace is not the problem, believe me.

ÉireannachÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ · 16/02/2023 17:23

He didn't give a fuck if you saw that message
He's always talking about women to you?!!!!! Wow.

He has no respect for you. None.

Have some for yourself!!!! If you can't then suck it up and don't moan about him because he's showing you his true colours and exactly how much he values you and his marriage to you. You loose the right to be upset with him once you know who is but choose to stay.

ComfortablyDazed · 16/02/2023 17:24

His colleagues think he’s a player after 3 months in the job…..?

I fear this is the tip of the iceberg.

ArcticSkewer · 16/02/2023 17:24

GetUps · 16/02/2023 17:22

If his colleagues think he's a player after 3 months he's a player. He might be all talk, but he definitely likes to think of himself as a player.

This.

I don't know how far these messages go from your idea of him. Some men are like this, it's just how they are. But I'd be more concerned about him being actually unfaithful ... he sounds like a player as well as a sleaze

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 16/02/2023 17:24

That so gross. Imagine some married creep having that conversation with you behind your back! You can’t not say anything OP.

GetUps · 16/02/2023 17:25

So he's only known the man he sent that text to for 3 months? Good grief, it might be a conversation with a very old friend after a few drinks, but a text to a new work colleague?

Shoxfordian · 16/02/2023 17:26

He thought you could be like his friend who talks to about other women?! You’re his wife! Raise the bar op

DeadbeatYoda · 16/02/2023 17:26

It's so scummy to talk about colleagues like that, make or female. I would expect a grown man to show a little more taste and judgement than that. You must be really disgusted.

Aaron95 · 16/02/2023 17:27

Yes you should bring it up. Not least because if the content of those texts comes to light he will lose his job.

1FootInTheRave · 16/02/2023 17:30

I would massively see my arse and my marriage would be unlikely to survive that tbh.

He sounds an utter creep.

toobusytothink · 16/02/2023 17:33

OMG just seen your update! He wants you to be the cool wife he can talk about other women too! My OH is my best friend and we joke about our little crushes on celebrities and I am quite happy saying to him if I think someone on tv is stunning and he agrees. But not colleagues. And not about doggy style etc! He clearly gives off the impression of being single at work. Not a good sign ……

Fuckstix · 16/02/2023 17:37

He is a creep and has no sense. Why on earth would you put that sleaze in writing to a new colleague?! I thought they would have worked together years (not saying that would have been ok but at least they may have known him well enough to understand it was just a joke and he wouldn't really mean to disrespect his wife that way- if that was the case). I wouldn't actually trust him to be faithful in person if he is so willing to diminish your marriage like that to all and sundry. This would put me off a partner enormously. It's also pretty disrespectful to women generally. I'm sure the female colleague doesn't go to work to be talked about in this manner.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 16/02/2023 17:39

LTB

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 16/02/2023 17:39

Men will talk to other men in ways/saying things they would not dream of saying to wives or girlfriends but might talk to women friends in the same way depending upon how broadminded they are. It is banter but it crosses a line when sex is brought into it or intention of...........

If it were me I would be reading him the riot act and letting him know he has crossed a line here

JammyDodgerrr · 16/02/2023 17:40

If I found out my partner was sending messages like that their entire wardrobe would probably be thrown out front, booting his ass out the door for good measure. Would get the shock of his life. I'm happy to assist you OP?

TheChoiceIsYours · 16/02/2023 17:40

He sounds like a vile creep and he’s clearly desperate to make sure you feel incredibly lucky to have him, given all the other women he could pick from 🤮

Quite apart from the disgusting and actually quite sinister tone of his ‘banter’, do you honestly want to be married to someone who literally shows you zero love and respect?

No doubt if you raise this he will go off about how it’s all lads banter and every bloke does this but honestly, they don’t.

The idea of being married to or having sex with someone like your husband makes me feel sick. It’s up to you how you feel and how you react but don’t let him minimise this. Even if all men did it (they don’t btw) then for me that would mean I would choose to be single. There is another choice than being lumbered with a creepy weirdo for a husband.

Fuckstix · 16/02/2023 17:41

And the best friend thing is stupid and misses the point. One thing to share an innocent celebrity crush with a partner. But why would you want to be having your head turned by real life people when you're married, let alone to share that with your spouse? He sounds extremely immature.

Justine2884 · 16/02/2023 17:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mardyface · 16/02/2023 17:43

Christ. Is this really what men think about as women are just walking around doing their jobs and living their lives?

If my husband sent a text like this I would go fucking ballistic until he was weeping in the dust. And then, if it were at all practical to do so, I would leave.

GetUps · 16/02/2023 17:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

You gave a detailed description of the sex you'd like to have with your child's teacher?

daemonologie · 16/02/2023 17:44

Your DH is a sad loser

MrMarkham · 16/02/2023 17:44

Bloody hell. I am outraged for you OP. And bloody pissed off that there as still such misogynistic men spouting such shit about their COLLEAGUES.

TheChoiceIsYours · 16/02/2023 17:44

Oh yeah and don’t demean yourself by trying to be some kind of ‘cool wife’ that’s also his mate that he can banter to about how hot other women are. That’s just a male way of gaslighting women into letting themselves be disrespected and have their self esteem torn to shreds.

My husband is my best friend on this planet and he has never once commented on the attractiveness of a woman in real life in the course of our 15 year relationship. Beyond letting slip the odd lustful glance at Kate Beckinsale (and who can blame him tbh) he doesn’t even disrespect me by letting me know about celebrities he finds attractive. That’s real friendship to me - shown through kindness and respect. Being his friend doesn’t mean you have to listen to him creep on other women ☹️

JammyDodgerrr · 16/02/2023 17:45

Mardyface · 16/02/2023 17:43

Christ. Is this really what men think about as women are just walking around doing their jobs and living their lives?

If my husband sent a text like this I would go fucking ballistic until he was weeping in the dust. And then, if it were at all practical to do so, I would leave.

Weeping in the dust 🤣 💪

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/02/2023 17:46

Tbh I'd be tempted to send his HR screenshots. How fucking dare to male colleagues speak about a woman they work with like that. It's disgusting.