Should I bring up the texts I saw to dh?

[rainyspring]

Dh gave me his phone to watch some videos and I saw a message pop up from his work colleague saying

"Yeah I know, she's too beautiful" so I just clicked on it and basically my husband started the convo to his colleague (male) about another colleague, saying "oh you can't miss her mate, she's stunning, absolutely beautiful"

To which the colleague goes "yeah quite taller than you though you will need ladders"

To my husband goes "that was what crossed my mind, imagine doggy style I would need a rope ha ha ha, every time she looks at me I get a hard on"

And then colleague replied with the above.

I want to mention it, but it will cause an argument and don't want to do that in front of my small children but is this normal lad convo I shouldn't have read?
I just feel kinda disgusted.

Would you mention it?

‘Normal lad convo’? Er, no. Unless he’s Benny Hill.

He sounds like a completely sleaze. What a creep. I’d be showing him the door. No one deserves to have to live with this sort of moron.

This. No way.

What sort of role models did you have growing up, if you even think this just might be normal? It’s not.

A compliment!? Holy fuck. I hope your daughter grows up with more self worth.

"that was what crossed my mind, imagine doggy style I would need a rope ha ha ha, every time she looks at me I get a hard on"

This is so inappropriate and disrespectful.

Awful way to speak about a colleague.

No wonder your partner has a bit of a reputation if this is how he talks about women in the workplace.

Frankly I would get rid of this creep.

This.
He genuinely thinks what he's doing is fine and normal. Let him find out the hard way that it's not.

And I forgot to say as some other people have suggested I would forward the screenshots to HR so he hets fired too...

Men like this should not get away with this type of behaviour at work.

Disgraceful behaviour.

Up to you if you want to bring it up. My DP and I are very “easygoing” about fancying others and flirting so I would probably bring it up to tease him/gossip knowing it wouldn’t risk any argument. If it upsets you it upsets you, but what’s the end result? He agrees to not look at women any more? He’ll look but not have those thoughts? He’ll have them but not share them with other people? He’ll make more of an effort to hide it from you?

I work in quite a ‘male’ role and I think they do speak to me as they would a man a lot of the time, a few have said similar (ish) to me about women in the office, not quite as crass but not far off. Most very clearly love their wives and would never cheat, but it does show you a different side to how they think. They’re a mixed bag, men. Is he a good husband otherwise? I think that’s the decider, is it one thing that’s a bit gross or is it one of many unpleasant aspects to him?

I’d never be able to look at him the same way again.
so sorry this has happened to you.
He is repulsive.

Thanks for clearing that up. Without your insightful input I'd be walking around thinking ingrained misogyny and inappropriate workplace behaviour was a real problem.

Your husband is gross. I feel for the poor woman who has to work with this prick.

Tell him you’ve seen the messages. Let there be an argument or do nothing and expect this type of behaviour forever.

It wouldn’t be good enough for me by a country mile.

@bingobanjo

Do genuinely good men say shit like this about their female work colleagues though?

To my husband goes "that was what crossed my mind, imagine doggy style I would need a rope ha ha ha, every time she looks at me I get a hard on"

I think it shows the kind of man someone is if they speak about women in their workplace like that.

Really grim.

Laddyishness is so utterly gross.

I'd have to mention it and let him know firmly that his behaviour is childish, pathetic, disgusting & just utterly disappointing.

That would proper give me the ick.

Wow. How hurtful and disrespectful.

Sorry, I feel like people like this never change. Even if you confront him he wont stop.

That is utterly vile. I would have to say something.

Oh course you say something!

Jeeeezus. Talk about low standards.

I would ask him what HR would say if they knew how they spoke about their colleague.

Have reported Justine.

Mention it and divorce him

Sounds like a serial cheater to me.

I couldn't accept that. He's disrespecting you. And you're accepting it.

If he thinks he's that great, let him be single. Find someone who's respects you.

I’m amazed you need to ask ! He’s fantasising about this woman, probably when your watching TV and when he goes to sleep, I couldn’t stand that.

I would not take it as a compliment. I'd feel nothing but disgust.