Should I bring up the texts I saw to dh?

[rainyspring]

Dh gave me his phone to watch some videos and I saw a message pop up from his work colleague saying

"Yeah I know, she's too beautiful" so I just clicked on it and basically my husband started the convo to his colleague (male) about another colleague, saying "oh you can't miss her mate, she's stunning, absolutely beautiful"

To which the colleague goes "yeah quite taller than you though you will need ladders"

To my husband goes "that was what crossed my mind, imagine doggy style I would need a rope ha ha ha, every time she looks at me I get a hard on"

And then colleague replied with the above.

I want to mention it, but it will cause an argument and don't want to do that in front of my small children but is this normal lad convo I shouldn't have read?
I just feel kinda disgusted.

Would you mention it?

Firstly, not all men visit prostitutes so that 'research' would be pretty pointless wouldn't it?

Some men talk like this but not all men, not all men share their sexual fantasies about a colleague with another colleague and if you think they do then you need to spend time with a better quality type of men because your bar is through the floor.

Nope, I've read this three times and it still makes no sense.

Ask a prostitute about her clients in order to prove that all men write disgusting comments about their female colleagues? And their wives would be fine if the comments were made to them not their colleagues?

Nope, not normal.

If men do think about women like this they need to fucking stop it. We don't have to think it's ok. Just like they need to stop killing us because we're more successful than them or just because they can. We don't have to think that's ok either. I'm really really tired of it all tbh.

Not sure if I've missed another post like this, but sounds like sarcasm to me. Disgusting because it's disrespectful but maybe the woman in question is the complete opposite.

Most men have higher sex drives than women. Women get offended when men watch porn. Men are potential who#%s if they were women they would be lol. I think all men look at women way more than women look At men. I don't think it's meant to be disrespectful though.

Not normal conversation, not only your partner is a misogynist p*g saying those things about a female colleague but imo he is cheating on you . Giving attention like that to other woman is cheating , even if only platonic or emotional .

It doesn't make it okay. But they do it. Your husband does it. You just don't know about it

Whilst i think this is not nice to see i wonder if it just lads banter. Is him saying he get a hard on just slang, i don't think he is actually getting a hard on. I think whilst i would he upset i don't think it is as bad as everyone is saying. Maybe say nothing and then look again and see if it appears like banter in other conversations. Did you check further up the chat to past messages? I know everyone is going to be coming for me in the comments for saying this. I am woman by the way.

Even if it’s normal and every man did it, it doesn’t mean you have to hitch your wagon to any of them. You can choose not to be with someone for any reason you want, whether every other woman would be fine with it, whether every man does it, or anything else. All that matters is if you are happy with it and happy to be in a relationship with someone who behaves that way. You get one life to be happy in, and it’s a short one, so don’t worry about anyone else and what they are happy with or find normal, think about the situation and decide if you are happy with it.

If you do bring it up one thing I’d want to know if I were you is if my husband would be happy with my saying those things to a female colleague of mine about a male colleague.

What a load of BS

Nope. Just don’t believe in going straight for the divorce option. And where is the evidence he’s either a half-wit or sex obsessed ? It was one stupid text message clearly demonstrating that most men think with their dicks and given half a chance will engage in banter like this with other men. Before the days of texting and emailing it would have been said in conversation and that would have been the end of it. Just because you want men not to think like this, doesn’t mean they don’t and doesn’t mean they’re cheating, or even likely to. And by the way - I’ve overheard younger women in the workplace make comments about male colleagues that would make your hair curl. How is that different ?

Definitely bs if you go by the relationships forum on here, to a lesser extent Aibu and chat, Facebook groups and Reddit where there are many women discussing the fact they’re in a sexless relationship by their male partners choice!

So you're a man and do these things basically

So even thinking it is cheating now ? OK, so same goes for women presumably ?

It's immature - I assume your husband isn't a teenager.

I'm laughing because I'm not the one in denial

You all get so offended. Marriage is so much more than what you look like. She would probably walk to the ends of the earth for him. He probably would for her too. She found a text she wasn't meant to find. No it's not nice to read no I wouldn't have liked it either. I don't think it makes him a filthy animal that's requires him to loose his job over and divorced. I think men are men they chat rubbish they want to fit in they prat about. When push comes to shove most men love their wives their brain is just in their pants unfortunately. We can't patrol them it's controlling

WTF have you just written?

Who exactly are you calling a whore? Men or women?

You're missing the point here. It's not about sex drive or which sex looks at people they find attractive. It's about respect.

And it's doesn't matter if they mean to be disrespectful or not, it's disrespectful full stop. Men who do this don't care about respecting women.

Well I would assume being emasculated on a daily basis doesn’t leave you with much of a sex drive.

Grim. I would be seriously pissed off with my husband if he did this.

It would probably be a deal breaker for me but depends on where the lines are in your relationship

That’s what I’m saying. I’m “one of the boys” at work. I have male colleagues I’ve worked with for years, know their happy wives and well cared for children. They are genuinely good men, but I have heard similar comments from them. I can’t write them off as disgusting dogs for it, because they’re lovely. I’ve accepted men speak like that to each other, it’s just usually hidden from women.

The argument where you switch men and women round doesn't work. Because for years and years women have been suppressed in the workplace and not been safe alone on the streets or able to just get on with their lives because of this shit and what it leads to. That doesn't happen to men. Men are not objectified and judged by their sexual availability or lack thereof every single fucking day.

Your favourite word is your missing the point. How many times have you typed that in this one post?

Such talent, knowing how every married man thinks and behaves 👏👏👏

@bingobanjo - where do you work!!!