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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family dinner - who should compromise?

302 replies

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:04

Parents/in laws are celebrating their 40th anniversary and one of them has organised a surprise trip to our home city (where BIL and SIL also live). Two options for when the surprise dinner can be - Sunday or Monday.

Couple A want it to be on Sunday. They have a toddler who wakes up a lot at night so they don’t want to stay out too late. One of the couple (the in law to the parents celebrating) (self employed) has arranged work which finishes at 6.45 on Monday which would mean they couldn’t get to a dinner earlier than 7.15.

Couple B want it to be on Monday. One of the couple (the child of the parents celebrating) has a big job interview involving travel which means they need to leave home very early on the Monday morning. If it was on the Sunday they wouldn’t be able to drink and don’t think they would enjoy the evening as will be stressing about interview prep.

Both couples think the other should
compromise. Couple A have also suggested doing 2 separate dinners instead.

YABU = Couple A should compromise
YANBU = Couple B should compromise

OP posts:
MaverickGooseGoose · 16/02/2023 14:06

Sunday lunch?

Toddlers and dinner assuming you mean post 1830/1900 dont really work.

rothbury · 16/02/2023 14:07

Two separate dinners sounds best outcome

RedCarsGoFaster · 16/02/2023 14:07

Eat at 7.15 on Monday. Not an exceptional time, surely?

The job interview is important and trumps the rest IMO.

RedCarsGoFaster · 16/02/2023 14:07

Or Sunday lunch?

Ponoka7 · 16/02/2023 14:08

Two separate dinners. Or there's going to be resentment.

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:08

Parents/in laws want it to be an evening meal with just adults. There are other plans involving kids.

Couple A have one toddler. Couple B have a toddler the same age and an older child.

OP posts:
Ursuladevinia82 · 16/02/2023 14:08

What a peculiar family. I’m guessing that there’s often tension and drama

in my family, in this kind of scenario… we would all be “fighting” with one another for the other inconvenienced family member to take precedent! 😂

ExHProblem · 16/02/2023 14:08

Job interview should win out on this one. Or Sunday lunch as pp’s suggested

Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 14:09

If toddler is coming then Sunday lunch.

If toddler is being babysat by someone else then dinner Monday at 7.15 ( which is early for adults to meet for dinner)

bellac11 · 16/02/2023 14:10

Couple A should compromise because their situation is more doable

Although a toddler eating in the evening is difficult either Sunday or Monday

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:10

All kids are being babysat in all scenarios.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 14:11

Sorry just seen no children.
Well Monday night obviously. What time were couple a suggesting? Cant imagine meeting for an evening dinner earlier than about 7.30 anyway

Figmentof · 16/02/2023 14:11

What a miserable lot they are. Perhaps they should ask the celebrating couple what they would like. Who has a surprise dinner in this scenario? They are visiting, they would surely either make plans themselves or expect there to be plans.

SeasonFinale · 16/02/2023 14:12

Surely A's toddler can wake frequently during the night any night so it makes no difference. 7.15 isn't a late dinner.

GoodChat · 16/02/2023 14:12

Couple A should just finish work early on Monday if they're self employed

amonsteronthehill · 16/02/2023 14:12

Sunday lunch or interview takes priority seeing as the interview may well affect the future livelihood of their family, as opposed to being a bit extra tired for a day for the other couple.

DoNotGetADog · 16/02/2023 14:13

Is Saturday night definitely not an option?

RitaBea · 16/02/2023 14:13

Monday evening. As the toddler won’t be present regardless then I’d actually consider 7:15 quite early for dinner.

I wouldn’t enjoy a meal out before a big job interview.

takethedevilledeggs · 16/02/2023 14:13

If it's either or then Monday evening. The interview takes precedence I think and they won't enjoy it if they're worried.

I think separate meals will cause tension in the future.

BannMan · 16/02/2023 14:13

Monday at 7.15. That's a very average time to meet for a meal out, most adults don't go much earlier.
And as for the couple with toddler who wakes up a lot, it's ONE night!

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:13

Couple B think that the celebrating couple would really like everyone to be there together. But they don’t want to be the ones to compromise as they think their situation trumps Couple As.

Couple A don’t want to compromise either but think 2 separate dinners is fine.

OP posts:
CatNamedBob · 16/02/2023 14:14

Couple A should compromise, 7:15 is a perfectly normal time for dinner and the job interview person should be allowed to focus on prep on the Sunday.

redskydelight · 16/02/2023 14:14

Pick another date? Whichever way they go between those 2, one couple will end up not coming/being disgruntled.

or the 2 meals thing as suggested.

amonsteronthehill · 16/02/2023 14:15

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:13

Couple B think that the celebrating couple would really like everyone to be there together. But they don’t want to be the ones to compromise as they think their situation trumps Couple As.

Couple A don’t want to compromise either but think 2 separate dinners is fine.

Well that's because Couple B is right: their situation does trump Couple A's options.

Couple A is being ridiculous.

JudgeRudy · 16/02/2023 14:15

Sunday lunch