Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family dinner - who should compromise?

302 replies

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:04

Parents/in laws are celebrating their 40th anniversary and one of them has organised a surprise trip to our home city (where BIL and SIL also live). Two options for when the surprise dinner can be - Sunday or Monday.

Couple A want it to be on Sunday. They have a toddler who wakes up a lot at night so they don’t want to stay out too late. One of the couple (the in law to the parents celebrating) (self employed) has arranged work which finishes at 6.45 on Monday which would mean they couldn’t get to a dinner earlier than 7.15.

Couple B want it to be on Monday. One of the couple (the child of the parents celebrating) has a big job interview involving travel which means they need to leave home very early on the Monday morning. If it was on the Sunday they wouldn’t be able to drink and don’t think they would enjoy the evening as will be stressing about interview prep.

Both couples think the other should
compromise. Couple A have also suggested doing 2 separate dinners instead.

YABU = Couple A should compromise
YANBU = Couple B should compromise

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/02/2023 14:15

Why can't couple a dine at 7.15?

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:16

These are the only dates that are possible. Parents/in laws live about 5 hours away and have booked the trip specially.

They both know about the trip but one of them is organising the meal as a surprise for the other.

OP posts:
VaulterTech · 16/02/2023 14:16

Monday seems like the obvious choice here, it ticks all the boxes surely? Or propose a new date!

MelaniesFlowers · 16/02/2023 14:17

The job interview takes priority. Couple A should compromise.

Eddielizzard · 16/02/2023 14:17

Monday night. Couple A should compromise.

Dinkeigh · 16/02/2023 14:17

I was going to say caulker A should compromise, but either or. Yes an interview trumps a lot but doesn't mean you can't go out the night before and not drink. Not everything is about drink. Both situations are very doable. Monday night would be my preference because of the interview, but its wouldn't be a deal breaker.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/02/2023 14:18

But 7.15 is a perfectly normal time to go out for dinner. They could be home and in bed by 9.30!

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:18

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/02/2023 14:15

Why can't couple a dine at 7.15?

Couple A want to have dinner early, at say 6 or 6.30, because they don’t want to get back too late given their toddler wakes up a lot. But they can’t do this on the Monday because one of them has arranged work that ends at 6.45 on that day.

OP posts:
HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 16/02/2023 14:18

Couple A should compromise because their kid isn't going to be there, so bedtime is completely irrelevant.

FrangipaniBlue · 16/02/2023 14:19

If children are staying at home with babysitters who will presumably put them to bed then I don't really understand what couple As issue is with having the meal on Monday after 7.15?

MelaniesFlowers · 16/02/2023 14:19

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:18

Couple A want to have dinner early, at say 6 or 6.30, because they don’t want to get back too late given their toddler wakes up a lot. But they can’t do this on the Monday because one of them has arranged work that ends at 6.45 on that day.

Show quote history

It’s a one off. Couple A are being selfish.

Dinkeigh · 16/02/2023 14:19

Dinkeigh · 16/02/2023 14:17

I was going to say caulker A should compromise, but either or. Yes an interview trumps a lot but doesn't mean you can't go out the night before and not drink. Not everything is about drink. Both situations are very doable. Monday night would be my preference because of the interview, but its wouldn't be a deal breaker.

Couple not caulker 🤣

Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 14:20

No one meets for an adult only celebration dinner at 6pm. Would the restaurant even be open then?

Surely you just meet at half seven, which is hardly late

Cottagecheeseisnotcheese · 16/02/2023 14:20

couple A should compromise 7.30 is not late for dinner they will still be home by 10pm ish which is fine

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/02/2023 14:20

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:10

All kids are being babysat in all scenarios.

Why even mention kids if they are not in the equation?

Couple A sound like a PITA

bellac11 · 16/02/2023 14:20

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:18

Couple A want to have dinner early, at say 6 or 6.30, because they don’t want to get back too late given their toddler wakes up a lot. But they can’t do this on the Monday because one of them has arranged work that ends at 6.45 on that day.

Show quote history

You're surely not suggesting that if the meal was on the Sunday night you would be going out for a meal in the evening at 630pm???!!!

Ive got a friend like this they always want to book tables at 6 or something. We like to eat at about 8

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:20

HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 16/02/2023 14:18

Couple A should compromise because their kid isn't going to be there, so bedtime is completely irrelevant.

Couple A’s child will be babysat by their other grandparent. Couple A doesn’t want them to have to deal with toddler’s frequent wake ups for too long, hence not wanting to stay out too late.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/02/2023 14:21

Couple A sound annoying. And like they'll be there the bare minimum of time, clock watching throughout.

Do the Monday. They can choose whether to come or not.

Flesh · 16/02/2023 14:21

The interview is more important.

hidingbehindascreen · 16/02/2023 14:22

You should all just grow up!

bellac11 · 16/02/2023 14:22

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:20

Couple A’s child will be babysat by their other grandparent. Couple A doesn’t want them to have to deal with toddler’s frequent wake ups for too long, hence not wanting to stay out too late.

Show quote history

Well that would be the same no matter the evening surely

You're clearly couple A otherwise you would be confirming that you agree with the vast majority of posters who all agree the meal should be later on the Monday night

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:22

bellac11 · 16/02/2023 14:20

You're surely not suggesting that if the meal was on the Sunday night you would be going out for a meal in the evening at 630pm???!!!

Ive got a friend like this they always want to book tables at 6 or something. We like to eat at about 8

Show quote history

Yes, Couple A have suggested an early dinner on the Sunday. They think this should be ok for Couple B too as it means Couple B also won’t be out too late the night before the interview.

OP posts:
Abouttimemum · 16/02/2023 14:23

If this was my family we’d be doing it in the daytime on Sunday and no one would be arsed about not having a drink. Sounds like a lot of fuss over nothing really.

We did a 6pm dinner for one of my family members recently because two of us have young kids and it would be no fun for anyone to keep them out late, including the other guests. A few of us didn’t drink.

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:23

bellac11 · 16/02/2023 14:22

Well that would be the same no matter the evening surely

You're clearly couple A otherwise you would be confirming that you agree with the vast majority of posters who all agree the meal should be later on the Monday night

Show quote history

Im doing my best to remain absolutely neutral - might even show this thread to the other couple!

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 16/02/2023 14:23

Why didn't Mum/Dad check people were available first.? It's a bit short notice to spring that on everyone. Maybe they had hoped the children would sort something!
Still they're coming down which is nice.
I'd suggest dining at say 1pm rather than evening. Sunday would be my preference but depends where you can get it. I wouldn't especially want to celebrate my anniversary in Wetherspoons but you know what's around.