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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family dinner - who should compromise?

302 replies

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:04

Parents/in laws are celebrating their 40th anniversary and one of them has organised a surprise trip to our home city (where BIL and SIL also live). Two options for when the surprise dinner can be - Sunday or Monday.

Couple A want it to be on Sunday. They have a toddler who wakes up a lot at night so they don’t want to stay out too late. One of the couple (the in law to the parents celebrating) (self employed) has arranged work which finishes at 6.45 on Monday which would mean they couldn’t get to a dinner earlier than 7.15.

Couple B want it to be on Monday. One of the couple (the child of the parents celebrating) has a big job interview involving travel which means they need to leave home very early on the Monday morning. If it was on the Sunday they wouldn’t be able to drink and don’t think they would enjoy the evening as will be stressing about interview prep.

Both couples think the other should
compromise. Couple A have also suggested doing 2 separate dinners instead.

YABU = Couple A should compromise
YANBU = Couple B should compromise

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 15:03

They are clearly being so difficult but not clear why.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 16/02/2023 15:03

As you're couple B!!!

Well your sibling in laws - Couple A - are selfish and unreasonable.

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 15:04

Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 15:03

They are clearly being so difficult but not clear why.

I’m not really clear either. I think it might be the feeling of wanting to “win”.

OP posts:
astarsheis · 16/02/2023 15:05

Well if you had said that all children are babysat in your original thread instead of drip-feeding I would have voted for Monday night

Thunderpunt · 16/02/2023 15:05

I think couple A are being selfish, but putting a positive spin on it, hopefully the meal will be a nice distraction for your husband and he won't be sitting at home worrying about the upcoming interview.

blubberyboo · 16/02/2023 15:05

Couple A needs to compromise

the toddler will have to go to bed at the same time on a Monday or a Sunday so not sure why that was relevant

the self employed person can be a bit late

if someone in my party had a job interview I’d want them to come to the meal when it was all over and they need to prep on the sunday

Thunderpunt · 16/02/2023 15:05

I have no idea why half of that went bold!

MysteryBelle · 16/02/2023 15:06

This is easy. Couple A should compromise and meet together with Couple B on the Monday as dh of Couple B has big interview. It sounds like Couple A are a pain in the behind. I’m glad you’re Couple B, Op!

Floordilemma · 16/02/2023 15:06

Couple B can't have a dinner without alcohol, for the sake of a job interview?

Headabovetheparakeet · 16/02/2023 15:07

astarsheis · 16/02/2023 15:05

Well if you had said that all children are babysat in your original thread instead of drip-feeding I would have voted for Monday night

Why are you so annoyed?

MysteryBelle · 16/02/2023 15:09

It’s a big interview, it’s nerve wracking, he’d like to get it over with so he can relax and enjoy the reunion. Plus he needs to prep day before. This is common courtesy and common sense. Couple A are being very mean about this. They don’t have a good reason to not compromise, Couple B do.

illtakeit · 16/02/2023 15:09

astarsheis · 16/02/2023 15:05

Well if you had said that all children are babysat in your original thread instead of drip-feeding I would have voted for Monday night

She literally said it a few posts later. Hardly drip feed.

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 15:09

Floordilemma · 16/02/2023 15:06

Couple B can't have a dinner without alcohol, for the sake of a job interview?

It’s not that, it’s that DH would like to be at home preparing for his interview the night before it, not out for dinner. He will be feeling stressed about the interview and it will be playing on his mind.

By contrast a dinner the following night will feel very celebratory to him. He can relax and toast his parents without feeling like it might impact his performance the next day.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 15:10

Wonder if the compromise is that only the siblings meet on the Monday, not the partners and then no babysitter/ worry about grandparents etc.

Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 15:11

Agree that an interview is a big thing and he needs to focus.

rainyskylight · 16/02/2023 15:12

Completely unreasonable of couple A.
makes me really angry reading this. Your poor DH.

BurntOutGirl · 16/02/2023 15:15

Could Toddler stay at GP overnight?

MysteryBelle · 16/02/2023 15:16

I hope you and your dh don’t give in to Couple A. A job interview is very very important. Make your decision based on that, not appeasing two people who want their own way no matter what.

2022NewTimes · 16/02/2023 15:17

Dinkeigh · 16/02/2023 14:29

If I was the parents I'd order a maccies and fuck you all off 🤣🤣

I feel sorry for the in laws - this is their day and both couples need to put their egos aside and leethe in laws choose the evening they want....

Both couples are going to end up ruining it if they are not careful....

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 15:17

BurntOutGirl · 16/02/2023 15:15

Could Toddler stay at GP overnight?

BIL and SIL have said they don’t want SIL’s mum to have to deal with toddler for too long, hence wanting to eat early and be back early. So having the toddler stay over with her wouldn’t help from that perspective.

SIL’s mum lives a 5 min walk from them
and often looks after toddler so I was surprised that this was an issue but apparently it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 15:18

2022NewTimes · 16/02/2023 15:17

I feel sorry for the in laws - this is their day and both couples need to put their egos aside and leethe in laws choose the evening they want....

Both couples are going to end up ruining it if they are not careful....

Show quote history

PILs don’t mind which day it is. It’s not really a situation where both couples can compromise - one is going to get their preferred day and one won’t. I do hope PILs remain blissfully ignorant of the aggro.

OP posts:
WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 16/02/2023 15:21

Monday night out for dinner sounds grim to me personally.

Interview prep earlier in week and don’t drink would be my choice.

Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 15:21

But the parents will look after the toddler for thr same amount of time irrespective of when you meet. In fact the later it is the more likely that the toddler will be asleep.

I do wonder if they actually knew about the interview and actually suggested this so that there would be separate dinners.

So it's the being all together which they don't want to do.

Brefugee · 16/02/2023 15:22

couple A should compromise. As an aside this stuff about the toddler waking indicates PFBitis. Get used to it and enjoy the meal and ask the person if the interview went well and wish them luck with the job.

MirabelMax · 16/02/2023 15:22

2022NewTimes · 16/02/2023 15:17

I feel sorry for the in laws - this is their day and both couples need to put their egos aside and leethe in laws choose the evening they want....

Both couples are going to end up ruining it if they are not careful....

Show quote history

I agree.

Poor sods. I bet they're sick of this kind of stupid stuff from their kids.

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