Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family dinner - who should compromise?

302 replies

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:04

Parents/in laws are celebrating their 40th anniversary and one of them has organised a surprise trip to our home city (where BIL and SIL also live). Two options for when the surprise dinner can be - Sunday or Monday.

Couple A want it to be on Sunday. They have a toddler who wakes up a lot at night so they don’t want to stay out too late. One of the couple (the in law to the parents celebrating) (self employed) has arranged work which finishes at 6.45 on Monday which would mean they couldn’t get to a dinner earlier than 7.15.

Couple B want it to be on Monday. One of the couple (the child of the parents celebrating) has a big job interview involving travel which means they need to leave home very early on the Monday morning. If it was on the Sunday they wouldn’t be able to drink and don’t think they would enjoy the evening as will be stressing about interview prep.

Both couples think the other should
compromise. Couple A have also suggested doing 2 separate dinners instead.

YABU = Couple A should compromise
YANBU = Couple B should compromise

OP posts:
Headabovetheparakeet · 16/02/2023 14:23

Couple A are being ridiculous. What's the point in getting babysitters and going out for dinner if you have to eat at 6pm? You may as well just take the kids with you.

SaltyGod · 16/02/2023 14:24

You're A aren't you Grin

MelaniesFlowers · 16/02/2023 14:24

User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:22

Yes, Couple A have suggested an early dinner on the Sunday. They think this should be ok for Couple B too as it means Couple B also won’t be out too late the night before the interview.

Show quote history

Couple B would still be stressing about the interview and unable to enjoy themselves.

MrsMitford3 · 16/02/2023 14:25

Couple A need to compromise here.

Job interview trumps toddler sleeping habits-surely for one night they can be flexible they are giving PFB vibes re toddler schedule...they have also made Monday night awkward with their demands.
They sound very much used to everyone jumping to their tune.

Monday night dinner for everyone!

bellac11 · 16/02/2023 14:25

But surely this is about the in laws, its their celebratory meal, when would they prefer to eat, afternoon or evening?

Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 14:25

Also if meeting atbhalf seven, then toddler can be in bed asleep before they leave.

Does the restaurant even open for 6pm reservations.

Just can't imagine anyone realistically suggesting meeting for a celebration dinner at 6pm.

Ignore all the other stuff. It's the meeting at 6pm which is ridiculous

Abouttimemum · 16/02/2023 14:25

Oh hang on the no kids makes a difference! I thought you had to take toddler. Yeah go out on the Monday if there’s a babysitter for toddler.

Minikievs · 16/02/2023 14:25

There seems to be an awful lot of "Couple A wants......"
I can't really see their issue. It's not like they'll be getting home at 2am, so they'll still deal with the majority of toddler wake ups without leaving other GP to deal with it all.
Just go on Monday! Dinner at 7.30 is an entirely normal adult dinner time so the "late finishing" of work is a red herring

Vermin · 16/02/2023 14:26

Couple B need to pray that couple A drop out of Monday altogether as they sound like joyless twats.

GoChasingWaterfalls · 16/02/2023 14:26

Couple A need to suck it up. Job interview is way more important than their sleep schedule.

If the kids were coming to the meal my thoughts might be different but as it stands I don't see how Couple A could claim their needs are more important.

Riverlee · 16/02/2023 14:26

Couple B should compromise. It’s not difficult not to drink, and the meal may distract them from their worries.

sunday lunch would be a good option.

Original poster
User171953 · 16/02/2023 14:26

bellac11 · 16/02/2023 14:25

But surely this is about the in laws, its their celebratory meal, when would they prefer to eat, afternoon or evening?

Parents/in laws have suggested an adults only evening meal. I think they would prefer it to be later (not at 6pm) but they understand re childcare demands etc. Sunday lunch is out as they have booked tickets to a show.

OP posts:
TheTeenageYears · 16/02/2023 14:26

Couple A should compromise. Unless they are proposing a much earlier dinner they will have the same issue on both Sunday and Monday with a toddler waking so what difference does it make? The issue for couple B is resolved by going with Monday. You can't please all the people all the time so it makes sense to go with the option which seems to actually benefit someone.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/02/2023 14:26

Please tell me You aren't couple A !!

They are being anal

Their child wakes up most nights it seems so doesn't matter what night they go out

Monday at 730 sounds perfect

Interview has happened

Work has finished

All can enjoy

takethedevilledeggs · 16/02/2023 14:26

Couple A are being precious. It's one evening, they should suck it up for the sake of the parents/sibling.

If they can't do a dinner at an actual adult time to eat then don't go.

If the kids aren't there and they're not angling for an early bird special then they don't need to eat at 6pm.

Auntiepaella · 16/02/2023 14:27

Ordinarily I would have sided with couple A, as I can empathise with their situation. However as others have said, I would say couple B have the greater need due to the job interview.

Interrupting a child’s routine would only be for one evening if they celebrate on the Monday, whereas doing it on the Sunday will affect a job interview the next day which would have a much more detrimental and longer-lasting impact on that person. I feel for couple A as I’ve been in their shoes, but in this instance I feel they should be flexible enough to do the Monday in order to allow the person in couple B to prep for their job interview on the Sunday afternoon/evening.

Lougle · 16/02/2023 14:28

I hate these neutral threads. Both couples could compromise and think they are more important than the other.

namechangeforthisbleep · 16/02/2023 14:28

2 dinners could be shit

Dinkeigh · 16/02/2023 14:29

If I was the parents I'd order a maccies and fuck you all off 🤣🤣

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/02/2023 14:30

Come on op, youve had your answers, what couple are You?

I would put money on couple A but if you admit that i would be surprised Grin

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/02/2023 14:31

Dinkeigh · 16/02/2023 14:29

If I was the parents I'd order a maccies and fuck you all off 🤣🤣

😂

Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 14:31

Where does the couple want to eat?
Will it even be open at 6pm?

Will the show even be over by then

SummerInSun · 16/02/2023 14:32

Another vote for Monday night - job interview is too important to mess with. Also, no one wants to have their lovely special celebratory dinner at 6pm and over by when? 8pm, 9pm? That's not much of a celebration for the anniversary couple who are driving 5 hours to have this meal as a highlight of their trip. If it was a regular catch up I'd have a bit of sympathy with couple A but this is a 40th wedding anniversary- won't kill them to miss out on their early night for once.

Mariposista · 16/02/2023 14:33

A job interview trumps a toddler’s routine, hands down.

bellac11 · 16/02/2023 14:33

Lougle · 16/02/2023 14:28

I hate these neutral threads. Both couples could compromise and think they are more important than the other.

Both couples cant compromise. One of them is going to be disappointed

I see this sort of comment all the time where the situation will end in either one thing or another which means that one person/group has to compromise, not both yet people still make comments like yours