Family dinner - who should compromise?

[User171953]

Parents/in laws are celebrating their 40th anniversary and one of them has organised a surprise trip to our home city (where BIL and SIL also live). Two options for when the surprise dinner can be - Sunday or Monday.

Couple A want it to be on Sunday. They have a toddler who wakes up a lot at night so they don’t want to stay out too late. One of the couple (the in law to the parents celebrating) (self employed) has arranged work which finishes at 6.45 on Monday which would mean they couldn’t get to a dinner earlier than 7.15.

Couple B want it to be on Monday. One of the couple (the child of the parents celebrating) has a big job interview involving travel which means they need to leave home very early on the Monday morning. If it was on the Sunday they wouldn’t be able to drink and don’t think they would enjoy the evening as will be stressing about interview prep.

Both couples think the other should
compromise. Couple A have also suggested doing 2 separate dinners instead.

YABU = Couple A should compromise
YANBU = Couple B should compromise

If you are couple b then I apologise and your bil and sil are a pita!

On the plus side for the interview he will be home really early if he's eating at 6.

He could also meet his parents for a drink on the Monday night as well, and invite his sibling so no babysitting required

Couple A should compromise.

I would say Sunday lunch or separate dinners. But if you really must do one dinner, then I think Monday to not interfere with a job interview. That's something you don't often have control over. One of them planning to not leave work early to make it to dinner with their parents is just a bit lazy really. They should have planned around that knowing their parents would be visiting. I can't imagine dh working til 6:45pm when MIL is here for a visit.

Who eats an adult only celebratory meal at 6pm?

Couple A should compromise. Not seeing much of a problem with their situation and the one who might have to be late isn't even the actual child of the celebrating parents.

I don't think it matters and the parents and in laws should decide, everyone in this situation is being slightly ridiculous if I'm being blunt and forgetting that it's not about them at all.

Couple A need to learn to flex a bit and work out a schedule and couple B seem to think travelling the next day/having an interview is a big deal when it just simply means not drinking/staying up too late. For those who travel for work regularly this is just business as usual.

This is a nice idea actually.

What a nightmare, I think the parents are going to end up feeling it wasn't worth the stress.

I was just going to suggest can you do both? So non-drinking meal on Sun night, then you and DH meet his parents Mon evening as well, or invite them over.

They don’t know about this and since it looks like Couple A aren’t budging DH is going to, to make it nice for his parents.

At least we know that we aren’t being unreasonable in feeling a bit sad about it.

Well, couple A's self-employed person could decide to reschedule their work. Or couple B's interviewee could decide that having a drink isn't all that important. Both are compromises.

It’s not compromise. Compromise implies both giving a little, they both want their own way this is very different.

I agree with a lot of previous posters. Interview trumps normal work. Your in laws sound like a pain.

All that said it’s up to your DH to arrange and stick up for himself as it’s his family and for you to just turn up to whatever is arranged.

Two dinners, just because two pairs of ungrateful childish adults can't agree?
They'd probably have a more relaxed evening ditching the pair of you and going alone.

Monday night, but as a compromise could you do it somewhere close to couple A, so you could start dinner at 6pm and the person working late can join later.

We suggested this and it was a no.

I actually wonder whether the other grandparents are being really difficult about babysitting and thus driving the decision. Eg they just won't do Monday.

Couldn't toddler A stay over with babysitting grandparents so couple A can eat out late without early hour wake up.

If you go out and eat somewhere at 6, you are likely to be surrounded by other people's children at that hour

What does the evening meal involve? Is it just meet, eat and leave or will it entail early and or late drinks? How far is the restaurant from you? If you are close and it's only for a couple of hours or might be ok.
But the night before an interview my head wouldn't be in the right space and I would definitely want to be home early. Personally, I would wish them a fabulous evening but bow out. The night before an interview I would want to go to bed early-ish and feeling as prepared as I could be (company researched/rough idea of answers to possible questions/clothes and travel sorted etc). Of course, all of that could be done in advance but I wouldn't be in the right headspace for a celebratory meal. I would let them have their meal on Sunday with my siblings and go meet the parent for a celebratory meal on Monday instead when the weight of the interview has been lifted off my shoulders.

I think that they would have said this if that were the case, as would be a much easier point for them to make than the things they have actually said.

I dont think you understand what compromise means. In either of those two scenarios, one couple will have compromised in the final outcome.

One couple will have it their way, the other couple wont.

Ah are you couple A?
Sorry but think you're so in the ring here and being unnecessarily stubborn and pedantic over an adults restaurant dinner out starting 45 mins later at 7.15pm than you'd ideally prefer at 6.30pm

And you're prepared to upset your parents 40th wedding anniversary family meal out or out your sibling or sibling in laws interview / for their career at risk for those 45 mins??

I have 3 DCs lone parent and worked and none of them slept well. There's two of you, you can manage with that extra 45 mins for this ONE night!!!

@WhereIsMumHiding3 the OP has stated they are couple B

I think couple A should be able to compromise just this once.

The interview is important.