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AIBU?

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Original poster

What did she want people to do?

576 replies

SkivingSnackboxes · 16/02/2023 05:35

Recently went to spectate at a sporting event and we got on the tram to get there. It was rammed, we expected it to be rammed. It's a busy event.

The tram was standing room only, and it was busy Ie sardines.

This pregnant woman was standing in the middle of the aisle she wouldn't move further down so there was a huge gap behind her. She didn't look that pregnant tbh, she kept shouting. im pregnant, I need space, you all need to back off, I'm pregnant I need a seat im pregnant I can't be touched
The only people sat down were kids and old people and the families didn't offer her a seat. The guard came down and told her she needed to move down into the gap or get off. She decided to get off and then asked if the trams were going to be busy all day?

She genuinely wanted random strangers to not go to the rugby because she enforced a halo of 'im pregnant and no one can be near me'

Surely if you're that precious about being pregnant you'd get a taxi?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
ensayers · 18/02/2023 20:21

Id give up my seat for almost anybody, elderly, disabled, pregnant, pushchair mum's etc
But when somebody is having a strop, or demanding, or claiming it's their right to be seated, well in that case I'll stay in the seat and they can learn to suck it up

Calphurnia88 · 18/02/2023 20:22

T1Dmama · 18/02/2023 20:04

Who said she was screaming?

OP didn't 🤔

@Calphurnia88 - Okay ‘SHOUTING’ then… (talk about splitting hairs!) still not reasonable behaviour. Maybe it is for you…. But I find it very unreasonable that she was SHOUTING at people and possibly scaring elderly and young.

Screaming ≠ shouting.

You've questioned the mental health of this woman and suggested she's pretending to be pregnant in order to acquire a seat, so it's highly likely that you've purposefully chosen the word 'screaming' to make this woman appear unhinged.

Most of us (thankfully) on this thread can empathise with a woman who, in her first trimester, is most likely feeling like shit and/or is anxious about strangers being close to her. Add in the fact that no one has had the decency to offer her a seat, despite the fact that priority seats are intended for expectant mothers (amongst other groups), and I can understand why she might have lost her shit.

GirlOfTudor · 18/02/2023 20:24

It's disappointing no-one offered her a seat. She may have seemed extreme in her attitude but she could have anxiety and been experiencing a panic attack. She could have had several losses and is being extra careful with this pregnancy. You just don't know what people are thinking.

Calphurnia88 · 18/02/2023 20:25

T1Dmama · 18/02/2023 20:18

And as previously stated I’d give up my seat for anyone who asked politely whether they were disabled, pregnant or otherwise…. And as previously stated I gave up my seat on a bus while I was heavily pregnant to someone elderly…
what I am saying is everyone is very quick to jump on the ‘everyone seated was rude’ bandwagon when actually we know F all about their circumstances! All the seat were taken up by the elderly or kids… I wouldn’t judge someone for not expecting a young child to stand on a rammed train… I wouldn’t expect any parent to make a toddler or very young child stand.
I don’t get all the anger directed at the passengers when non of us know what their circumstances are or whether this woman was just angry at not being able to sit down and read her paper!! But as previously stated WE DON’T KNOW .. everything is just sheer judgment and opinion… non of which could be correct

Of course we don't know, but statistically speaking it's highly improbable that every single occupied seat was taken up by an elderly person or a child sat on a parent's lap.

Grammarnut · 18/02/2023 20:28

One of the parents should have told a child (older, not small) to give up their seat. Or if this is too hard, give up their own seat. Standing and being pregnant is not pleasant on a tram or a bus, you are jostled and sway with the movement of the vehicle. Presumably she needed to get somewhere and the tram was her only recourse. Is it too hard for a rugby fan to give up a seat to a pregnant woman (you are actually supposed to btw).

Grammarnut · 18/02/2023 20:29

Pregnancy is a protected characteristic under the EA2010 and most public transport vehicles list pregnant women as one of those who are entitled to priority seats. Someone should have stood up for her, literally as well as figuratively.

Grammarnut · 18/02/2023 20:32

Calphurnia88 · 18/02/2023 20:22

Screaming ≠ shouting.

You've questioned the mental health of this woman and suggested she's pretending to be pregnant in order to acquire a seat, so it's highly likely that you've purposefully chosen the word 'screaming' to make this woman appear unhinged.

Most of us (thankfully) on this thread can empathise with a woman who, in her first trimester, is most likely feeling like shit and/or is anxious about strangers being close to her. Add in the fact that no one has had the decency to offer her a seat, despite the fact that priority seats are intended for expectant mothers (amongst other groups), and I can understand why she might have lost her shit.

Show quote history

Quite right, she is a protected person. Tram must have been full of men, too, who could have given up a seat to a priority person, i.e. a pregnant woman.

Grammarnut · 18/02/2023 20:33

ensayers · 18/02/2023 20:21

Id give up my seat for almost anybody, elderly, disabled, pregnant, pushchair mum's etc
But when somebody is having a strop, or demanding, or claiming it's their right to be seated, well in that case I'll stay in the seat and they can learn to suck it up

Pregnancy is a protected characteristic. She does have a right to a priority seat.

RuperttheBearHug · 18/02/2023 20:54

Tricky one. It sounds a bit of an OTT reaction when written down like that but when I was pregnant, I had a panic attack on a plane despite the fact I love flying normally. And I went on the tube one time around 5 months in and just found myself unable to ask anyone and just silently crying as nobody offered me a seat. So maybe she was just feeling really anxious and hadn’t expected to have a problem being on the tram.

Both times in my case, a very kind nearby man intervened and either made sure I got where I needed to safely, or asked someone to give up their seat for which I was very grateful. I wasn’t really thinking straight or in my right mind compared to when I’m not pregnant. Hormones I guess 😬

Fooodie · 18/02/2023 21:13

There used to be a rule that children under 5 would have to sit on there parents lap if an adult needed a seat. In the last few years I can't get over how selfish and insular people have become. I often worked 12+ hours on my feet and would be dog tired but always gave up my seat if an elderly or pregnant person couldn't find any. It's just the right thing to do.

T1Dmama · 18/02/2023 21:17

Calphurnia88 · 18/02/2023 20:25

Of course we don't know, but statistically speaking it's highly improbable that every single occupied seat was taken up by an elderly person or a child sat on a parent's lap.

Show quote history

OP has clearly stated all seats were take up by elderly or kids… so probable or not this has been stated and this is what I’ve responded to!
I have read the OP’s post and as she stated ‘all seats were occupied by either young or old… I’m assuming that in her opinion (as the one there) that all seats were taken by people who needed a seat….
I’ve also read the fact she was shouting and wouldn’t move to let others on, as unreasonable behaviour….. you’ve assumed she’s scared, I’ve assumed from the tone of the post that she was intimidating and abusive…. But as stated WHO KNOWS!!! I guess it depends if she was shouting ‘I’m pregnant, please can someone give up their seat for me?’ Or if she was shouting ‘GIve up a f’in seat for me, I’m pregnant you bunch of arse holes!’

from the tone of the OP’s original post I’m assuming she was being abusive and scaring other passengers who were too scared to walk past her to vacant standing space….

Maybe OP can clarify a few issues and clear up this misunderstanding??….

OP - please clarify…..
1) were all the seated passengers of an age where they were (in your opinion) safer sat down than standing??
2) In your opinion was this lady acting out of fear or was she being generally abusive? For example did she ask politely first for someone to give up their seat or did she go straight into shouting and (I think you used the language) ‘demanding a seat?

3) I’ve also read the fact you stated she wasn’t visibly pregnant that you felt she’d added this later and maybe wasn’t genuine…..

obviously these facts have quite a big factor of this story because we are all reading into it differently….. some assuming (like me) that everyone seated was of an age that couldn’t safely stand…. Whereas others are assuming that by ‘kids’ you mean pre-teens or teenagers that obviously should’ve stood!! I’m assuming because you didn’t state that they were teenagers and used the word ‘kids’ that these were younger children who if standing could’ve been injured/ scared etc….

Anyway if the ‘kids’ were in fact big enough to safely stand then obviously I agree they should have.
I do feel shouting and demanding isn’t the way to gain a seat from someone though but that’s just me… personally I’d have got off the train if it was packed like sardines….

A question for everyone…. Do the train companies not add extra trains or carriages during sports events? Seems pretty horrendous that anyone is ‘packed in like sardines’

Jaslima · 18/02/2023 21:27

My first two pregnancies were easy peasy. Worked until 40 weeks with baby number 1. Was at a party two nights before I had baby number 2. Baby number 3 was a different story.

One of the reasons was that I tore really badly with baby number 2 and needed huge amount of stitches. All of the scar tissue from this tear flared up dreadfully during pregnancy number 3 and it was incredibly uncomfortable to stand for any period of time. By the last few weeks, I was pretty much immobile, only able to walk a few metres at a time. The throbbing, intense pressure was unbelievable. Thankfully everyone gave me a seat any time I needed it.

I'm just loving some of these 'I stood when I was pregnant and was fine'. Yes, so was I until I wasn't.

DZbornak · 18/02/2023 22:51

@fitzwilliamdarcy You are welcome, very glad you are doing ok...ah what a brilliant way of looking at it, every cloud and all that! 😁

eastegg · 18/02/2023 23:16

SkivingSnackboxes · 16/02/2023 05:35

Recently went to spectate at a sporting event and we got on the tram to get there. It was rammed, we expected it to be rammed. It's a busy event.

The tram was standing room only, and it was busy Ie sardines.

This pregnant woman was standing in the middle of the aisle she wouldn't move further down so there was a huge gap behind her. She didn't look that pregnant tbh, she kept shouting. im pregnant, I need space, you all need to back off, I'm pregnant I need a seat im pregnant I can't be touched
The only people sat down were kids and old people and the families didn't offer her a seat. The guard came down and told her she needed to move down into the gap or get off. She decided to get off and then asked if the trams were going to be busy all day?

She genuinely wanted random strangers to not go to the rugby because she enforced a halo of 'im pregnant and no one can be near me'

Surely if you're that precious about being pregnant you'd get a taxi?

How is wanting a seat, not getting one and then getting off ‘not wanting random strangers to go to the rugby’? You all went to the rugby didn’t you?

Gagaandgag · 18/02/2023 23:21

I think try not to judge. Could be anything. Panic attack, social anxiety, asd…

Mothership4two · 18/02/2023 23:31

MummyJ36 · 16/02/2023 10:24

One of the kids should have given up their seat. I never get why parents think their kids are entitled to a seat over someone old or disabled or pregnant! Have them sit on your knee if they’re too little too.

^^ this

TinselTinsel · 18/02/2023 23:59

I didn't ever get offered a seat when I was pregnant but I had the tiniest most pathetic bump. Even the day before I was induced I was asked by a new mum when I'd given birth 😂 When I said I was being induced tomorrow, she showed me that her post birth bump was bigger than mine 😂 I was SO disappointed with my tiny bump, I wanted to be huge but tbf, he weighed 3lb 15 so I was never gonna be huge !

mustgetoffmn · 19/02/2023 00:42

WeAreTheHeroes · 16/02/2023 05:44

Maybe she wasn't feeling too good and couldn't afford a taxi. Crap that no one offered her a seat.

As a daily tube commuter I’m always irritated when people treat children as having seat priority over their elders. I’m not talking about smaller children who are less steady or too small to stand. When I was young you would be expected to give a seat to an adult out of respect. I’ve seen people stand up for maybe an 8 year old with clucking expectation from their parent. Re the pregnant woman I can’t see why she was trying to keep space around her. She may have some special case in which case she would need to protect herself by not expecting it to be ok to travel in a crowd.

mustgetoffmn · 19/02/2023 00:44

Mothership4two · 18/02/2023 23:31

^^ this

Show quote history

Yep!!!

Gemma2003 · 19/02/2023 00:46

I remember being pregnant on a packed train heading from work in the City. I was trying to occupy the only area where there was a hope of not being packed in when some idiot decided to throw himself onto the already packed train and push as hard as he could. Frankly, after a long day of work and being five months pregnant I could not give a toss whether I was reasonable or not. My baby was being crushed. I was trying to prevent that. Fair to say I expressed my views pretty strongly. So sorry OP, just like the families and old people, sometimes we are more vulnerable which might mean we need extra help/protection/tolerance.

Cate0101 · 19/02/2023 00:48

Even being slightly pregnant can have different effects on different women. Judge not.

mustgetoffmn · 19/02/2023 00:54

RuperttheBearHug · 18/02/2023 20:54

Tricky one. It sounds a bit of an OTT reaction when written down like that but when I was pregnant, I had a panic attack on a plane despite the fact I love flying normally. And I went on the tube one time around 5 months in and just found myself unable to ask anyone and just silently crying as nobody offered me a seat. So maybe she was just feeling really anxious and hadn’t expected to have a problem being on the tram.

Both times in my case, a very kind nearby man intervened and either made sure I got where I needed to safely, or asked someone to give up their seat for which I was very grateful. I wasn’t really thinking straight or in my right mind compared to when I’m not pregnant. Hormones I guess 😬

If it’s clear that a woman is pregnant either by size or wearing a badge I would always offer my seat. I’ve noticed nearly always a traveller would jump up and offer similarly. However although not relevant to this post I’ve often seen women who I think might be pregnant but wouldn’t offer a seat in case it’s just their body shape and they would get insulted!

RuperttheBearHug · 19/02/2023 07:19

@mustgetoffmn totally. I was wearing a badge (and very noticeably pregnant) but mostly people are lovely.

PoseyFlump · 19/02/2023 07:30

I'm calling bullshit on this thread.

The OP has only bothered to reply a couple of times and hasn't explained how a tram full of rugby spectators saw only elderly and children seated. What's the seating capacity of a tram?

The OP has exaggerated, stirred the pot, and fucked off.

The pregnant woman got off the tram. And is now being accused of all sorts on MN (if she exists)

Dibbydoos · 19/02/2023 08:08

Pregnancy hormones can cause abnormal worries/anxiety.
If you cant be kind, say nothing. She got off.
Yabu!