What did she want people to do?

[SkivingSnackboxes]

Recently went to spectate at a sporting event and we got on the tram to get there. It was rammed, we expected it to be rammed. It's a busy event.

The tram was standing room only, and it was busy Ie sardines.

This pregnant woman was standing in the middle of the aisle she wouldn't move further down so there was a huge gap behind her. She didn't look that pregnant tbh, she kept shouting. im pregnant, I need space, you all need to back off, I'm pregnant I need a seat im pregnant I can't be touched
The only people sat down were kids and old people and the families didn't offer her a seat. The guard came down and told her she needed to move down into the gap or get off. She decided to get off and then asked if the trams were going to be busy all day?

She genuinely wanted random strangers to not go to the rugby because she enforced a halo of 'im pregnant and no one can be near me'

Surely if you're that precious about being pregnant you'd get a taxi?

Well if they asked politely I’d say ‘ofcourse’ but someone acting this rude and screaming at people on a train… I’d probably think they were just pulling a fast one as they felt so entitled! I’d give it up for someone well mannered though even if they weren’t pregnant !

Could be any number of reasons why she needed a seat, even in early pregnancy. I suffered sheer hell on a flight many years ago when I was 6 weeks' pregnant and people were smoking around me (imagine that used to be allowed!!) - I have never felt claustrophobia like it! I'd have read her behaviour as desperation rather than rudeness, but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

@T1Dmama I've had had my precious 5 year old sit on my knee.

Yes, for some women it does affect your ability to stand as many posters have said here. This pregnancy has been easy this time but my first was absolutely abhorrent in the first trimester and I couldn’t stand for prolonged periods without feeling like I’d faint (in fact I did faint once).

I don’t see why you can confidently say someone isn’t lying about having a disability but are lying about pregnant. Either people lie and would exploit anything or they wouldn’t.

And she did say she needed a seat but nobody offered. Why would it better for her to round on an individual who, as you said, may have had a hidden disability? There would have been at least one able person who could have shown kindness but didn’t.

i Expect everyone on their with kids already had their 5 year old on their laps…. Would you then stand for this woman and allow your kid to dangle off you on a busy train?

We obviously don’t know her history or exactly why she was behaving this way, but from your OP seemed genuinely fearful about the risk to her pregnancy.

My DC would’ve jumped up, unless very young and unable to hold on, poor form their parent didn’t intervene.

Indeed…. However we don’t know the situation.. we don’t know her or the other seated passengers…. However the OP has pretty much stated that everyone seated needed to be…. Let’s hope she got the next train and it was quieter.

OP didn’t say anything about 5 year olds. She said ‘kids’ (you know, people up to the age of 18). Do you think the train heaving with rugby fans were all toddlers? But as it happens I have a 5 year old and yes, I would ask him to stand.

Did you read the OP? Because she said the only people on seats were kids and the elderly. That's not kids on adults laps.

😂 I wouldn’t expect old people or pregnant women with a phobia of being touched to be on a train full of rugby fans either by your thinking…. And yet all the seated people were either elderly or kids….. and I would assume by ‘kids’ the OP means ones too young to stand otherwise this post would be about 16 year olds not having manners and not a ‘what did she expect people to do’ post

Being pregnant (early stages) doesn’t affect your ability to stand or have people close to you though does it?!

I had horrendous morning sickness until I was medicated at 12 weeks. Constant nausea, dizzy spells, etc. My pregnancy coincided with covid so I was fortunately able to WFH throughout my first trimester, but if that hadn't been the case I would've used public transport to commute to work. I absolutely would have needed a seat, and moreso in the early stages than the later ones.

Risk of miscarriage is also much higher in early pregnancy, so it's understandable why someone in their first trimester might be worried about being squashed up against other people whilst standing on a busy train.

I don't think you understand how train routes or public transport work @T1Dmama

Yes I suffered horrendous sickness too… too sick to be on public transport. I wouldn’t have attempted public transport let alone on a day where there would be rugby fans who might’ve already been drinking etc… I just find her attitude rude which makes me question her honesty.. but that’s just my opinion. Personally if I couldn’t stand I wouldn’t get the train during busy times

Also I only said ‘5 year olds’ in response to someone else stating that age

Which brings me back to my first question - would you have questioned her honesty if she’d said ‘I need a seat, I’m disabled’?

And as it turns out, people still have places to be when pregnant regardless of how they feel. I couldn’t just stop going to work for 3 months.

well maybe not as I be never been on any where screaming at strangers is widely accepted like it is on mumsnet

This!

Have you ever been pregnant?

What if she had fallen? Just because she's pregnant she shouldn't be disadvantaged in leaving the house. A bit like disabled people, really.

I'm sure your post would be entirely different had they fallen and suffered a miscarriage.

Have you thought that the increased body temperature, hormones, pressure on her legs was the driving force behind their deterioration in mental capacity to deal with a packed tram? Blood pressure more than likely rising, spikes in sugar etc all contributes to that type of situation. It was possibly very overwhelming for them. They could also have an unseen mental disability.

It sounds like they might be OCD, not wanting people to touch them. I cannot believe nobody offered them a seat. Sounds like it was a bad day for them and traumatic traveling, too.

You do indeed sound on the edge, OP - Just like this lady on the tram. She was complaining on the tram, you're complaining here. Maybe you're having a stressful time and need to take a breather? Be a bit more mindful of pregnant women on a forum for pregnant women?

Again, you're not reading @T1Dmama.
Nobody said this lady was screaming at strangers.

Who said she was screaming?

OP didn't 🤔

Who said she was screaming?

OP didn't 🤔

@Calphurnia88 - Okay ‘SHOUTING’ then… (talk about splitting hairs!) still not reasonable behaviour. Maybe it is for you…. But I find it very unreasonable that she was SHOUTING at people and possibly scaring elderly and young.

Because she was scared herself. She had just as much right to feel safe as anyone else and she was asking for help and being ignored.

Shouting then… still unreasonable

not pregnant - but in my 60's, i'm frequently offered a tube seat on my commute, I usually say no as I'm travelling out of the centre, so the carriage empties out after a couple of stops.
I do get v pissed of with people that occupy "priority" seats that clearly don't need them (think lager swilling teenagers on the way into town in the evenings) - but when I'd injured my back a few weeks ago and couldn't stand as easily I didn't have any issues when I did ask for a priority seat.
I suspect that if the woman had asked directly rather than addressing the entire carriage, she'd have been offered a seat - but the OP could have intervened on her behalf rather than ignoring her and thinking 'drama queen should have got a cab'.

Pregnant or not, my feeling is that courtesy, consideration, kindness or whatever is a two-way street. She was blocking people's access to the aisle and showing no thought for others. Why should she expect it in return?
I can't see how she would be any worse off just moving into space further down. Maybe there was a seat down there, or someone ready to offer one. Would she have moved down to take it?
I also feel that kindness and courtesy are to be given freely, not demanded

And as previously stated I’d give up my seat for anyone who asked politely whether they were disabled, pregnant or otherwise…. And as previously stated I gave up my seat on a bus while I was heavily pregnant to someone elderly…
what I am saying is everyone is very quick to jump on the ‘everyone seated was rude’ bandwagon when actually we know F all about their circumstances! All the seat were taken up by the elderly or kids… I wouldn’t judge someone for not expecting a young child to stand on a rammed train… I wouldn’t expect any parent to make a toddler or very young child stand.
I don’t get all the anger directed at the passengers when non of us know what their circumstances are or whether this woman was just angry at not being able to sit down and read her paper!! But as previously stated WE DON’T KNOW .. everything is just sheer judgment and opinion… non of which could be correct