Page 14 | Should I have been informed?

HereForTeaAndCake · 2023-02-16T01:23:11+00:00

DS10 was invited to a friend's house for the day but it turns out the children spent most of their time wandering the street unsupervised, calling on friends etc. I was not consulted and DS has no phone and has only recently been ready for playdates without me. I only learned of how little time he spent at said friend's house when he was picked up. AIBU to think that I should have been given the choice?

Liorae · 19/02/2023 01:46

He doesn't want to go again :
He'll certainly know better than to mention it the next time.

Liorae · 19/02/2023 02:06

And yes children are far more likely to be abused by people they know. Why does this make you angry? It’s a pretty well known fact
It makes her angry because it makes her feel that she doesn't control the situation. All hell will break loose in a couple of years.

Eyerollcentral · 19/02/2023 02:14

HereForTeaAndCake · 19/02/2023 01:07

Seriously!! You are continuously arguing that I'm wrong without any room for understanding and a shedload of assumptions. Incidentally, he doesn't want to go again.

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I can see why the mum didn’t text you, as I say many parents wouldn’t think it necessary. I don’t think we’ll agree on that 🤷‍♀️It’s a shame your son doesn’t want to go back, why?

Original poster

HereForTeaAndCake · 19/02/2023 07:57

Liorae · 19/02/2023 01:46

He doesn't want to go again :
He'll certainly know better than to mention it the next time.

He hasn't been shamed or made to feel bad, why would he not tell us?

OP posts:

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 19/02/2023 09:16

HereForTeaAndCake · 19/02/2023 07:57

He hasn't been shamed or made to feel bad, why would he not tell us?

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I’m guessing you weren’t totally neutral when he told you about it and has picked up ok that.

Shootingstarsparkle · 19/02/2023 09:25

PurpleWisteria1 · 19/02/2023 01:10

OP on mums net most people are obsessed with lettting their kids roam around as early as possible for ‘independence’ it’s the standard response you get on here (although less so in real life)
I have a 10 year old and no I wouldn’t be happy if the other parent had let them wander around the streets.
Kids have no business wandering the streets IMO. Going to a friends fine kick around on the green fine. But I hate hanging out in groups outside shops bored. That’s where trouble starts.
so many mums round here who let their Y6’s out have no clue how they are behaving. I see it all the time zig zagging roads on bikes not looking properly, near misses etc.
kids all mature at different rates and where some may be fine at 10 others less so

@PurpleWisteria1 you have hit the nail on the head here! It is the standard response you get on here and I’m not sure why. Apparently the only way children can get independence is by letting them roam the streets 🙄 I don’t know anyone in real life that would allow their ten years old to wander the street or go to a mates house whose parents we don’t know - I find it very hard to believe that people do allow this at such a young age.

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 19/02/2023 09:33

@Shootingstarsparkle I don’t know, one of my son’s friends mothers agreed for her son to have a sleep over at my son’s Dad’s when they were 11 and he lives over an hour away when he’d never even had a ‘play date’ at my house. I wouldn’t trust my ex to look after a kid that wasn’t his own 😬

Shootingstarsparkle · 19/02/2023 09:38

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 19/02/2023 09:33

@Shootingstarsparkle I don’t know, one of my son’s friends mothers agreed for her son to have a sleep over at my son’s Dad’s when they were 11 and he lives over an hour away when he’d never even had a ‘play date’ at my house. I wouldn’t trust my ex to look after a kid that wasn’t his own 😬

Oh crikey!

Stellaroses · 19/02/2023 10:00

I actually don’t think you’re being unreasonable in this exact instance. My DC is 11, had a new friend for tea a couple of days ago and I said no to walking to the shops on their own because I didn’t know if that would be ok with the parents. I would check. But I also wouldn’t be surprised if that had been allowed by another parent who hadn’t thought to check.

I think the trouble here is that although you’ve followed your child’s lead as you say, that means that his sphere of experience is now v much out of line with his peers. And the gap will only widen.

if I were you I would either decide to only have him socialise with know, “safe” children where you have agreed the boundaries with the parent beforehand. OR work out a plan with your child which would bring him “up to speed” with his peers.

not surprised that he felt uncomfortable as the experience must have been so different to what he’s used to.

Like many others I’m v surprised that a 10 yr old is only just having playdates unsupervised but I’m sure you know your child and their needs.

Original poster

HereForTeaAndCake · 19/02/2023 10:39

DesertRose64 · 18/02/2023 23:45

I’m well aware of that.

Im also very much aware of the fact that anxiety in children can be way more than what keyboard warriors like you can ever imagine.

Suffice to Its been obvious from the get go there was more to this situation than met the eye and you should perhaps give it a rest before you make an even bigger fool of yourself with your nitpicking.

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@Eyerollcentral a lot of the information you are asking is irrelevant to the actual point I raised in my OP.

OP posts:

Original poster

HereForTeaAndCake · 19/02/2023 11:16

Someone mentioned on here that their kids went to the park and walked away because a group of teens were swearing and smoking. Good for the kids who walked away - but how did those teens get to that point? And is that the kind of teen lifestyle you want your kids to aspire to?

To be clear, that doesn't mean I won't be continuing to encourage my child's independence in other ways, including calling for friends, walking to and from school, shops etc. With a phone and with the right boundaries.

Research tells me, and in my experience, children who have a good attachment to their caregiver often have a much steeper learning curve when gaining these skills so I'm really not concerned about how he's going to cope in a year or two.

I also know from experience that not every secondary school pupil has to walk in with friends - and that many, many parents drive their kids to secondary school irl.

OP posts:

Shootingstarsparkle · 19/02/2023 11:23

HereForTeaAndCake · 19/02/2023 11:16

Someone mentioned on here that their kids went to the park and walked away because a group of teens were swearing and smoking. Good for the kids who walked away - but how did those teens get to that point? And is that the kind of teen lifestyle you want your kids to aspire to?

To be clear, that doesn't mean I won't be continuing to encourage my child's independence in other ways, including calling for friends, walking to and from school, shops etc. With a phone and with the right boundaries.

Research tells me, and in my experience, children who have a good attachment to their caregiver often have a much steeper learning curve when gaining these skills so I'm really not concerned about how he's going to cope in a year or two.

I also know from experience that not every secondary school pupil has to walk in with friends - and that many, many parents drive their kids to secondary school irl.

Good for you - you sound like you are an amazing Mum and doing a great job!

Original poster

HereForTeaAndCake · 19/02/2023 11:26

Shootingstarsparkle · 19/02/2023 11:23

Good for you - you sound like you are an amazing Mum and doing a great job!

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Thank you ❤️

OP posts:

Eyerollcentral · 19/02/2023 18:29

HereForTeaAndCake · 19/02/2023 10:39

@Eyerollcentral a lot of the information you are asking is irrelevant to the actual point I raised in my OP.

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I don’t know why you continue to tag me with things when I told you that I wouldn’t be contributing to this thread any further.

Teenagehorrorbag · 19/02/2023 22:13

My children are early teens now, but I have always told other parents if - for example - I am going shopping and will be leaving them alone. I agree that I would have checked when they were ten and I was going to let them wander about outside on their own - or go for a bike ride without an adult etc.

I'm all for independence if the surroundings are safe. My children and their friends first cycled into town alone aged about 12 I think - but I do think parents should talk to other parents if they are hosting, just to make sure everyone is OK with the plans. People all have different ideas of what they are happy with, and there are no rules.