Should I have been informed?

[HereForTeaAndCake]

DS10 was invited to a friend's house for the day but it turns out the children spent most of their time wandering the street unsupervised, calling on friends etc. I was not consulted and DS has no phone and has only recently been ready for playdates without me. I only learned of how little time he spent at said friend's house when he was picked up. AIBU to think that I should have been given the choice?

If I invited my son's friend round for the day then I should be taking responsibility for him. The boy's parents think he is safe in my house. I wouldn't let my ten year old wander around the streets and wouldn't let his friend either. However, if he was a little older I would ask the friend's mum or dad for permission.

Totally applaud you for actually being a responsible parent. We have a 13 year old, he got his first phone 3 months ago obviously with some restrictions. He does go on the street outside our house but nowhere else. We have a very chatty, open, fun and communicative relationship with him. Infact 2 of his teachers at his last day of school before half term said they applauded us because apparently our son and 1 other out of a whole class of children seemed to be the only ones fully informed about knives,what to do if they see a child carrying one etc etc...We would much rather our son was open and honest and not wandering the streets drinking or mixing with the wrong kids or stuck in a bad situation

Does he not walk to school?

@Rollingaroundinmud would you expect your child's sexual partner for consent at the age of 16+. Because wanting to be informed of everything until age 18 is really odd.

You did read it. I understand 10 is too young. I would have asked permission at 10 but not at 11 once started secondary school which in only a year later. There was such a divergence of opinion though depending on where people live and where they grew up. I was just interested at what point does the responsibility switch from a parent’s responsibility to the child to ask permission to do things. Once my children started secondary school I basically stopped having any contact with any other parent for play dates but maybe there are parents who still expect to be informed.

Sorry ‘I did read it’!

Not being babied - being protected which is what parents are supposed to do.

NO, DEFINITELY NOT OK.

I disagree - lucky child in my opinion that they have a mother that cares about them enough to make sure they are safe

I don't agree with the posters implying that parents who give their children independence (when they feel they are ready) that is before they personally would allow their children to go out alone are somehow not caring for their children as much.

I had a very closeted childhood. My ds is incredibly sensible and has lovely friends, a safe area and plenty of family and friends around to call on. He is 10 and allowed out to the park/shop for a few hours.

He will only just be 11 when he starts secondary school. It is my duty being a good parent to prepare him for it.

Also, parents who work and also have other commitments and other children can't always accompany children on play dates. That's life. No one should be shamed for it.

I bet if you ask the child in question he will disagree. His mother sounds like a nightmare.

She sounds like a nightmare for caring about her child?? Don’t be so ridiculous!

How does accompanying your child on a play date mean you care for them?

After years of having a very nervous dc, I'm overjoyed he now feels able to go to friends houses without me and has done for a few years.

What do you do about things like cub camp and school residentials?

You think children of overbearing and anxious parents are lucky?

Blimey

Overbearing and anxious?? What because this mother was annoyed that another mother let her ten year old child go out unattended without permission?? A perfectly normal reaction and nothing to do with being overbearing or anxious! I think children whose parents care about them enough to know where they are good parent yes!! Accidents happen - all sorts of things happen. Do you not remember the recent news of the 4 young lads that drowned in a lake just before Christmas? Happened a few streets away from me - those lads were too young to be out in their own. I would rather be overbearing and anxious then have that happen to my children - so yes I do think 10 is too young to be out in their own - nothing to do with being overbearing and anxious at all, the world has many dangers for very young children

@Shootingstarsparkle you replied to a post where I said I was horrified that a mum would accompany a 10yo on a play date. Making me think you think these poor children with hovering, overbearing parents are ‘lucky’.

It is VERY overbearing and overly anxious to accompany a 10yo on a play date

In your opinion

Can you tell me why the child is lucky when they’re likely the only 10yo they know who has mummy downstairs as they see their mates?

Not to mention, I would not want some random mum sticking around. My DD is almost 10 and I use play date time to crack on with things knowing she will stay in her room giggling and not bother me for hours. I’d be telling any parents who wanted to stay that they’d have to leave, with or without their kid. SO rude to impose yourself on an unwilling host.

It’s really hard because kids can’t learn to be streetwise without having the independence, the number of kids I see in our village since 2020 seems to have reduced.

They are 10 not 20 ffs! My DD likes me around when she visits her pals, the parents invite me for coffee at the same time and vice versa, they have all grown up together and their Mum’s are friends with me - us Mum’s like it and the children adore it. My child knows she is lucky that I care enough to know where she is and yes she does tell me this.
Not rude if you are invited!

I hate all the unwritten social rules of parenting 😂

I invite the children not the adults. Unless they are good friends with me, otherwise they are just a parent from school and I don’t expect them to hang around past the age of about 5. DS is 6, his friend is coming tomorrow for a play date, the adults most certainly will not be staying.

10 is WAY more than old enough for a child to be left without a parent in the house of their friend. Do you stay in the child’s bedroom and watch them play? If not, what is even the point of you being there?

My kids would absolutely hate me being around them like that, and I’d hate to deprive them of independence. Then again I’m not an overbearing weirdo whose anxieties have rubbed off onto my kids 🤷‍♀️

My close friend works in a pastoral role in Higher Education and says the amount of 18yos who cannot cope independently, or make basic meals, or do things without mummy, is increasing and so many now drop out in the first term. They have absolutely no coping skills either and break down over the smallest thing like being reminded of a deadline.

Is it any bloody wonder when you have their parents hovering around them to a ridiculous ageZ

YANBU. Not all 10 year olds are the same, some more streetwise than others.
Your ds was invited to the other child’s house and while I think “ we’re going knock on friend’s house ( nearby) “ is acceptable, wandering random streets isn’t. The parents were not acting in loco parentis, supervising the children.