Should I have been informed?

[HereForTeaAndCake]

DS10 was invited to a friend's house for the day but it turns out the children spent most of their time wandering the street unsupervised, calling on friends etc. I was not consulted and DS has no phone and has only recently been ready for playdates without me. I only learned of how little time he spent at said friend's house when he was picked up. AIBU to think that I should have been given the choice?

It's always useful to mention about additional needs in the op so posters can make comments based on as much information as possible.

It would be good parenting and respectful if the friend's parent simply sent you a quick message asking if you're ok with your DS going out and about.

It's not hard to do!

I didn't say my son. Pls read before arguing.

Not my son. I only had to bring up the point because of the ridiculous comments being made about the play dates where I also stayed.

Anyone who has an understanding of what anxiety in a child can mean in real terms would have known from the first post that additional needs were playing a significant part in the situation which is why I asked about it pages ago.

You’re posts are the perfect example of an empty vessel making the most noise and someone should have done you a favor and told you a long time ago that not all attention is good attention.

What are you going on about then? You only stayed at play dates where there were other children with additional needs? That contradicts what you said previously

The OP has just clarified that her son does not in fact have additional needs. She was referring to other children.

Because DC has friends who have additional needs or their siblings do (other friends, nothing to do with my original post) where I know the parents and they would prefer me to stay and my child has been more than happy.

I’m well aware of that.

Im also very much aware of the fact that anxiety in children can be way more than what keyboard warriors like you can ever imagine.

Suffice to Its been obvious from the get go there was more to this situation than met the eye and you should perhaps give it a rest before you make an even bigger fool of yourself with your nitpicking.

Yes I understand that, but earlier you said you have just started letting him go to play dates unaccompanied but now you are saying you only accompanied him to play dates involving the circumstances you have set out above? It’s not clear what you are saying.

Actually I said "he's only recently been ready to go on his own".

How does that differ from ‘…you said you have just started letting him go to play dates unaccompanied…’? Don’t know what point you are trying to make here 🤷‍♀️

One is following his lead. The other sounds like I wasn't allowing him to do so.

Call me old fashioned but parents are the adult and should be the ones to lead our kids, because we DO know the world better

Well his lead in the example in your OP would be that he was happy and safe out with his friends so by your own metric I’m not sure what the problem is.

OP was your son happy with the visit when you came to pick him up yes or no, if yes then by your policy of 'following his lead' there's no reason to be so worried, he had to be alone at some point, you can't follow him to a party when he's 16

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl
@Eyerollcentral - it's not some other parent's responsibility to decide that. Following a child's lead when they are anxious doesn't make it ok. I think it's reasonable to know where my child is.

Me being the adult is exactly why the parent should have informed me either by msg or when I dropped him off. It's my decision to make.

Absolutely your decision to make!!

So not following his lead at all. He was safe and happy and had a positive new experience with friends which is bound to have increased his confidence. I think you are focusing on the wrong thing here but I’ll leave it there as you aren’t open to discussion, you just want to be told you are right. As others have pointed out many parents just would not even see this as an issue so the other mother wouldn’t have thought it necessary to contact you.

He doesn't want to go again :( Although whether he liked it or not is beside the point of my post. Following my son's lead doesn't mean my parental responsibility is void. 10 year olds vary in development - I should have been informed so that I at least knew where my son was, whilst I thought he was safely under another parents supervision.

My ds is just turning 9, and I can’t imagine him going out alone with friends in a year. Strangely, I feel like there’s a big difference between 10 and 11. With Dd, she was 11 when she started walking to and from school with friends (so year 6), and then that naturally led to being able to walk round to call on friends etc. They also all for phones at 11/ year 6.

I don’t know why, but I wouldn’t want my kids doing this in year 5/ aged 10. It seems too young.

If it matters, my Dd is 14 now and really independent. She’s the one in the group who always knows how to get to places/ work out routes on public transport etc

Seriously!! You are continuously arguing that I'm wrong without any room for understanding and a shedload of assumptions. Incidentally, he doesn't want to go again.

OP on mums net most people are obsessed with lettting their kids roam around as early as possible for ‘independence’ it’s the standard response you get on here (although less so in real life)
I have a 10 year old and no I wouldn’t be happy if the other parent had let them wander around the streets.
Kids have no business wandering the streets IMO. Going to a friends fine kick around on the green fine. But I hate hanging out in groups outside shops bored. That’s where trouble starts.
so many mums round here who let their Y6’s out have no clue how they are behaving. I see it all the time zig zagging roads on bikes not looking properly, near misses etc.
kids all mature at different rates and where some may be fine at 10 others less so

Yes! There's just so much development that happens within a year. I have no doubt in how confident he will become. Thanks for sharing.