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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never let dd out to play

253 replies

Rainbowdrops2021 · 15/02/2023 16:33

Dd is 8 and has recently started being knocked for and it’s shocked me, I wasn’t ready. I’ve told her she can have friends in and play in the garden and she’s now aloud to walk to a house a few doors down from ours but that’s it. She isn’t aloud to play in the street unsupervised and I don’t ever want her to. People always ask what is the right age to let them out to play but I don’t really want dd loitering around the area ever, as she gets older she will turn into one of those kids that the parents have no idea where they are or what they’re up to. She goes to dance and has friends and cousins over and we go to their houses, we take her to the park and out and about all the time but I just don’t think I’ll ever want her out unsupervised. So AIBU and has anyone else done this with their children? I should add my parents were really slack and never knew where I was and as I got older I would drink and get into trouble I think this might also be why I feel this way.

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 15/02/2023 16:34

Id say she needs some freedom before she goes to high school.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 15/02/2023 16:36

You say never but when she is a 12/13 year old and its summer will you still expect all playdates to be in a house or garden? My parents didn't always allow me the same freedom as my friends and i felt a bit left behind sometimes. They were younger siblings and i am the oldest. There is a middle ground.

Original poster

Rainbowdrops2021 · 15/02/2023 16:37

I leave her at dance, there’s a cafe there and she sees friends and she has been to a few sleepovers ect I also wouldn’t mind if I dropped her at the cinema or something but I just don’t like the idea of her being out around the area for no reason and without an adult.

OP posts:

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:37

no chance

Ponoka7 · 15/02/2023 16:37

It's totally up to you. My GC 8.5, will be going to a bit of land a couple of minutes walk away to play this summer. Last year I took a garden chair and sat with them. It's the type of area were all adults take notice of children, though. A lot depends on the area you live in. There's an in-between to your scenarios.

Zola1 · 15/02/2023 16:39

Mine used to play out with friends in the road at that age as we lived in a close, they would just ride scooters and play with dolls etc. She's now nearly 13 and doesn't ever hang round on the street, her friends come here or she goes to their house, they go shopping and the cinema etc. Playing out just a normal kid thing to do IMO

StillMedusa · 15/02/2023 16:39

How will she learn to be safely independent if she's never allowed out? At secondary she will need to get herself to school or go to friends houses and by that age many children would be mortified if their parents insisted on handing them over!
Obviously if you are living on a busy main road then playing out isn't a sensible idea but if youaren't.. she needs to be able to feel confident walking first to a local friend then gradually further.
At yr 6 I started letting my eldest catch the bus from our village into the nerest little town with a friend. That was before she had a phone. With phones it's easier as you can call (or track if you are that worried) but no I don't think it's reasonable to not allow your child any freedom... if you restrict her then eventually as a teen she will rebel big style.

Take baby steps.

3WildOnes · 15/02/2023 16:40

I let mine play out at that age on the green across the road from our house. I can see them out the window. If they dissappear into the bushes for too long I go and check on them!

Botw1 · 15/02/2023 16:40

Ever?

So she won't be allowed out unsupervised until she is an adult?

I don't think that's reasonable or healthy

Mine were allowed to play at the park from about 6 and gradually built up to going into to town etc

I can't imagine telling my 14 yo he wasn't allowed to walk to school or to go to go out with his friends alone.

Crazy

BananaCocktails · 15/02/2023 16:42

You should never let an 8 year old out alone I don’t care what anyone says
8?? it’s not the 50s anymore
i work in a prison , not going into detail but trust me when I say that
when she’s 12 and staring to travel to secondary school alone maybe she can hang out for a bit after school but u should always know where she is then too

Stompythedinosaur · 15/02/2023 16:42

I suppose it depends if you live in a rough area or a lovely quiet village.

I think "never" allowing unsupervised play seems rather over the top. 8 doesn't seem an unreasonable age to me, and clearly her peers are playing unsupervised.

Original poster

Rainbowdrops2021 · 15/02/2023 16:43

We live in a cul de sac in a quiet estate but I still don’t want her out in the street. I know people are going to think IABU but I know as children get older if their parents don’t know where they are they often get into trouble (I did) also I worry about her being hit by a car or being abducted.

OP posts:

InsufficientMum · 15/02/2023 16:43

So AIBU and has anyone else done this with their children?
I was not even allowed out by myself when I was 18. Uni was a massive shock to the system and I was very unprepared. Don't do this to your child!

Mine were allowed out at 8. Had strict limits of where they were allowed to go and I checked on them every 15 minutes. There is a middle ground between never being allowed out and running feral!

And what will happen if she's at a friend's house, who is allowed to play out? Teach her how to play out safely.

Getir · 15/02/2023 16:44

You will never allow her to go into town , or to the park or walk to school unsupervised?

purpledalmation · 15/02/2023 16:44

KangarooKenny · 15/02/2023 16:34

Id say she needs some freedom before she goes to high school.

8 isn't anywhere near high school

Blueflag22 · 15/02/2023 16:44

It's a difficult one isn't it. I voted YABU because at some point you will have to and you and you never would!. Today I let my daughter to to a park, few doors down from my mums for a bit but she is just turned 10. 8 is still young but you will have to allow her a little independence at a time soon.

Annonymiss123 · 15/02/2023 16:45

I suppose it depends on where you live really. I voted YABU but that's because I based my answer on where I live. Our house is in a housing estate with lots of green areas. All the local kids play outside together on the green when the weather is good - usually from around 7 years old. If we lived on a main road I'd think differently.

purpledalmation · 15/02/2023 16:46

12/13 is ok but not without clear boundaries. Yo take them to the mall and collect at a given time

Annonymiss123 · 15/02/2023 16:47

I replied before your latest post had loaded. But based on what you said...

We live in a cul de sac in a quiet estate

I'd definitely let her play outside with her friends.

ancientgran · 15/02/2023 16:47

I think it depends on a lot of things. I live in a quiet cul de sac, when mine were 6 and 8 they'd play out with the kids opposite, also six. They didn't go anywhere, just played between their garden and ours. Only one house past us on the cul de sac so very rarely any cars about and they wouldn't be moving fast.

Going out and about and not knowing where they were I wouldn't have done at 8 so I think location matters, how sensible child is, if they are going to do any more than play in front of your house.

Abra1t · 15/02/2023 16:47

My children played out. One will be qualifying as a doctor and the other as a solicitor. They learned some useful lessons out with their friends. They played out from about seven , with me keeping an eye from the window and with older children definitely in charge of the group. Everyone knew whose children they were
.

Smam village

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 15/02/2023 16:47

Yeah my Aunt and Uncle did that with my cousin.

Then when she went to high school and had to get a bus it was an absolute disaster.

Part of childhood is about giving children appropriate boundaries and encouraging independence in an age appropriate way

Never letting them do that and then expecting them to magically cope as a teen or young adult is both dangerous and quite unfair.

Suedomin · 15/02/2023 16:48

I never let my children play out in the street and their friends didn't play out in the street either. They played at each others houses but they were never allowed to wander around alone. Of course once they were at secondary school they went to friends houses by themselves or to the park but they didn't play in the street.

They grew up to be well adjusted sociable and confident adults.
It really isn't necessary to let them to play in the street.

Original poster

Rainbowdrops2021 · 15/02/2023 16:48

@purpledalmation I would be ok with this when she gets older, if she has somewhere to actually be. But what I mean is the kids that go and hang out in the street at a young age then go and hang out around the shop being little a holes when they get older and their parents don’t have a clue. I’m not saying I wouldn’t let her out at all but I wouldn’t let her hang around outside for no reason.

OP posts:

Abra1t · 15/02/2023 16:49

small village, though, that should say. And mainly working class kids with fairly strict parents. Everyone knew that they would be in trouble if they annoyed other adults and didn’t keep an eye on the smaller children.

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