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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Red rose to all women at work?

198 replies

Tuilpmouse · 14/02/2023 23:09

So, a guy a work decided to bring in a bunch of around 20 red roses and proceed to give one to each woman in the office for Valentines Day.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird and creepy; or is it a kind and generous gesture?

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 15/02/2023 09:05

TyneTeas · 14/02/2023 23:53

At best well intentioned but misjudged. Inappropriate for the office. Is a bit objectifying.

I had this from a new manager of my level when he joined. He was Turkish so I think it was a tradition there. Flowers for all the ladies in the office.

When he left I did tell him I found it a bit patronising. I know he was being kind and the more junior ladies thought it lovely but the other senior ladies didn't so much. But overall he was lovely. He thought it created a good impression-I had to say to me it just created an impression which wasn't totally positive.

Chocolates for all -fine

Gifts for just the ladies -not really appropriate at work. I don't really like being identified for my femaleness at work. I even object when someone says "we need sone men to move these boxes"! (Not that I want to move heavy stuff but we are all office workers)

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 15/02/2023 09:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 15/02/2023 09:12

Sorry if anyone is offended by saying took the Michael it is a family saying thanks to my Uncle Micheal and I deliberately never use it now. Absolute sorry for any offence and I am reporting my post.

FineBerol · 15/02/2023 09:18

A woman at my work did this once. She's lesbian.

Gave all the ladies a rose. I didn't think that was creepy. Do you?

PylaSheight · 15/02/2023 09:19

It wouldn't sit well with me unless everyone, male and female, was given a rose, but even then I'd find it icky

Valentine's day is for romantic relationships so it would feel inappropriate to be given a rose at work. Plus it reeks of too try hard "Laydees love flowers" and, although I do, I don't like red roses, and I hate being stereotyped.

So a rose for the men too could've been mildly amusing depending on the giver, but just for the ladies, no thank euw you 🙄

CTRALTDEL · 15/02/2023 09:24

Totally naff. I'm a colleague, not a 'lady' colleague who needs a bloody flower from some bloke in work.
Is he generally a bit of a creep? Or just some older man with misplaced intentions?
That really makes a difference...

CTRALTDEL · 15/02/2023 09:25

'A woman at my work did this once. She's lesbian.
Gave all the ladies a rose. I didn't think that was creepy. Do you?'

I think it odd. And I AM gay.

ChekhovsMum · 15/02/2023 09:29

What does the most decent, intelligent, stand-up man in your office think of it?
Not that being male gives you a monopoly on seeing all situations in an objective way, of course, but I have always found that when one man’s arguably sweet and innocuous behaviour is in fact coming from a creepy place, there’s usually a decent bloke around somewhere who’s watching it happen and thinking ‘fuck that!’

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 15/02/2023 09:29

Meant probably in the spirit of giving Valentine's cards as many of us did in school days. Should have treated the guys the same though.

BluebellBlueballs · 15/02/2023 09:33

To the PP who said it was a bit 'Swiss tony' thank you for brightenin my morning as I've just spent the past 20 mins watching Swiss tony clips on you tube.

'Giving out roses in the office on valentines day is like making love to a beautiful woman...'

EBearhug · 15/02/2023 09:34

FeinCuroxiVooz · 15/02/2023 01:04

i would really hate that, and assume the person doing it was fundamentally sexist and heteronormatively biased too so avoid having to deal with him as much as professionally possible.

as far as possible, with the exception of adjustments that are made to counterbalance the disadvantages that women unavoidably have, I do not want to be treated differently to male colleagues. I hate it when men are congratulated with a handshake and women with a hug (this happens regularly), also seen men given wine and women given flowers. it doesn't matter that it's intended as a nice gesture, the underlying assumptions that prompted it are offensive.

This. I'd rather have equal pay and promotion prospects, much as I like flowers.

viques · 15/02/2023 09:37

Roses! Why not chocolate? Nothing more awkward than a single rose, you have to find somewhere to put it during your working day, carry it home, find a suitable vase, then watch it die because roses are rubbish flowers to have in a vase. Whereas a chocolate, you eat it, job done.

xogossipgirlxo · 15/02/2023 09:40

JustRingJoeDuffy · 15/02/2023 07:27

I think its nice. My company hand out roses to the women as they are leaving the canteen or cafes at work on International Women's day. If anyone doesn't want one, they don't take them - they're not forced on anyone. But most people do 😀🌹

Ooo I like that. My mum's company (in Poland) pays for spa day, drinks&restaurant on Women's Day.

SpringIntoChaos · 15/02/2023 09:48

It's sweet...not sure what's creepy about it? Unless he's the Office Sex Pest, he's probably just trying to be nice. Those saying 'why didn't he give flowers to the men' are just being pedantic! So many things to get offended over...flowers, surely to god, isn't one of them! 🤦‍♀️

ouch321 · 15/02/2023 09:54

It's fine.

He's giving them out to all the ladies in the office, but you solely, so how on earth can you interpret that as his making inappropriate creepy advances?

And if you can't, then you're effectively saying that you're aghast at him making a friendly gesture.

If he made a cup of tea for all the ladies on your floor would you be offended by that too?

People on Mumsmet strive so hard to take offense at kindness, it's depressing.

GCWorkNightmare · 15/02/2023 09:56

Fuck no.

LadyFlumpalot · 15/02/2023 09:56

So much depends on context here.

A normal, polite and friendly male colleague gives out some red roses to the women in his office in a respectful way - absolutely fine.

A man who has previous form for being a bit of a creep gives out red roses to the women in a way that insinuates they expect something in return - absolutely not fine.

It's the same difference as "I like your dress, it suits you" and "cor, your tits look amazing in that dress"

ChristmasKraken · 15/02/2023 10:00

How did he know which ones identified as women?

Tireddoggymum · 15/02/2023 10:01

Oh come on it was a lovely gesture…what is wrong with people these days ?
We all had a rose given to us yesterday…everyone ,regardless of sex,gender,identity etc
Everyone at my sons company were given sweets in the offices …it’s just a bit of fun .

OopsAnotherOne · 15/02/2023 10:03

I'd find it a bit unusual but I wouldn't mind - I'd assume the guy didn't have anyone else to give flowers to on Valentines day and might be feeling a little down or left out. If he wants to give flowers to the women that he enjoys the company of and does spend time with daily (his colleagues) then so be it. It's a sweet gesture as long as it's given with the expectation of nothing in return - I wouldn't accept it if I felt I'd be leading anyone on.

I work in a small team though so I know all the men I work with very well, which is why I wouldn't mind. I'd feel a bit weird if he was essentially a stranger.

Frabbits · 15/02/2023 10:08

It's probably well intentioned and I would leave it at that.

(It is a bit weird though).

PurplePineapple1 · 15/02/2023 10:15

benten54 · 15/02/2023 05:18

Sexist
Creepy
Inappropriate
Narcissistic
Sexist
Sexist

Like women should be flattered with his 'little gesture'. Fuck off

I agree with you but look at this thread! Most women do think his creepy little gesture is "sweet". For many, any form of attention from a man is a good thing 🤷‍♀️

FeinCuroxiVooz · 15/02/2023 10:24

plenty of women are sexist too, unfortunately. there is a long way to go before real equality.

Saracen · 15/02/2023 10:48

Creepy no, sexist yes. Would have been a nice gesture if he had given them to the men too.

bluelollipop99 · 15/02/2023 11:08

I think it's a really nice idea and adds a bit of fun to the day. It's not like he was handing out a box of condoms to each female employee 😅

Also , one of the reasons it's not innapropriate is that every female colleague got a rose. It would be more likely to feel creepy or make people feel uncomfortable if out of a large cohort of female staff he singled out only a few women he found particularly attractive to give roses to.

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