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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Red rose to all women at work?

198 replies

Tuilpmouse · 14/02/2023 23:09

So, a guy a work decided to bring in a bunch of around 20 red roses and proceed to give one to each woman in the office for Valentines Day.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird and creepy; or is it a kind and generous gesture?

OP posts:
Johnisafckface · 15/02/2023 03:40

I would just think he was a try hard.

namitynamechange · 15/02/2023 03:42

Equal parts sweet and mildly inappropriate but nowhere near email to HR inappropriate. If someone did it in our office I would probably feel slightly awkward, another woman would think it sweet and at least one of the men would have a little (jokey) moan about the sexism and probably wind up being given someone else's flower as compensation.

And on international women's day we get flowers but its a woman who hands them out for some reason.

emptythelitterbox · 15/02/2023 03:43

Is he attractive?

Fraaahnces · 15/02/2023 03:53

Do you work in a nightclub?

EverlastingRose · 15/02/2023 04:11

Cringey. Valentine’s Day is about romantic love- it’s a bit “all you beautiful ladies”, patronising and inappropriate. It’s not equivalent to giving flowers for IWD.

benten54 · 15/02/2023 05:18

Sexist
Creepy
Inappropriate
Narcissistic
Sexist
Sexist

Like women should be flattered with his 'little gesture'. Fuck off

benten54 · 15/02/2023 05:21

I forgot patronising as well.

MissTrip82 · 15/02/2023 05:50

Yuck.

Guarantee this dude is hard to supervise if you’re his boss and a woman.

C1N1C · 15/02/2023 05:55

Wow, this is split right down the middle!... and as always, I'd imagine the creep factor is largely dependent on how nice the man looks or how he has behaved in the past (fair point).

And to not give a flower to the lesbian poster... would that not have been deemed discriminatory? In this instance, (assuming he knew you are a lesbian), can it simply not be accepted as a nice gesture? Like all those people getting huffy that Christmas is celebrated because it's not their religion... a present is a present, and the meaning behind it is thoughtfulness.

C1N1C · 15/02/2023 05:58

To me, the fact he gave one to every woman means he's levelling the playing field... not singling out any single woman to indicate interest, and not omitting any woman (lesbian) to be discriminatory). How it is received aside, it was a 'fair' gesture.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 15/02/2023 06:03

Seems rather gender stereotyping to me, to balance things up he should have given all the men a spanner or a football rattle.

NeedToChangeName · 15/02/2023 06:37

Probably well intentioned, but sexist and old fashioned, and not v professional

Palaver1 · 15/02/2023 06:45

Yesterday I was handed a rose by a much younger man .I thought it was a lovely gesture and thanked him.

mildlydispeptic · 15/02/2023 06:51

I'm definitely in the "hell no" camp.

AuntieMarys · 15/02/2023 06:55

Just awful. Red roses are shit anyway

IWonderWhyIBother · 15/02/2023 07:09

I would have said thank you, but no thank you. Call me miserable if you want but I don’t want a rose from my colleague. Now cake, that I can get on board with.

boobot1 · 15/02/2023 07:10

All them poor dead roses

Sugargliderwombat · 15/02/2023 07:16

Patronising and potentially creepy depending on the man.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 15/02/2023 07:18

creepy.

SeriouslyLTB · 15/02/2023 07:19

Patronising and just ICK.

If it was all people: cute and funny. But just the women? Ew.

NashvilleQueen · 15/02/2023 07:25

Well it's a bit of a cheesy 1980s idea somehow but so much depends on the nature of the man concerned that I can't say if I think it's inappropriate.

I certainly wouldn't be offended or reporting him.

People sometimes have odd notions of 'kindness' and so unless I had a reason to suspect a bad faith motive I'd take it in the spirit in which it was intended.

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 07:26

NashvilleQueen · 15/02/2023 07:25

Well it's a bit of a cheesy 1980s idea somehow but so much depends on the nature of the man concerned that I can't say if I think it's inappropriate.

I certainly wouldn't be offended or reporting him.

People sometimes have odd notions of 'kindness' and so unless I had a reason to suspect a bad faith motive I'd take it in the spirit in which it was intended.

This

mildlydispeptic · 15/02/2023 07:27

IWonderWhyIBother · 15/02/2023 07:09

I would have said thank you, but no thank you. Call me miserable if you want but I don’t want a rose from my colleague. Now cake, that I can get on board with.

This!!!

JustRingJoeDuffy · 15/02/2023 07:27

I think its nice. My company hand out roses to the women as they are leaving the canteen or cafes at work on International Women's day. If anyone doesn't want one, they don't take them - they're not forced on anyone. But most people do 😀🌹

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 07:28

JustRingJoeDuffy · 15/02/2023 07:27

I think its nice. My company hand out roses to the women as they are leaving the canteen or cafes at work on International Women's day. If anyone doesn't want one, they don't take them - they're not forced on anyone. But most people do 😀🌹

I like that 🌹