To think DH is in the wrong and is being insensitive

[Roarlikealiontonight]

Work colleague (we are friends but admittedly no where near close friends) turned up at my house around 30 minutes ago. ago crying with her daughter. She had her bags and stuff in her car. She was asking if she could stay the night as her husband has kicked her out after she said she didn't feel safe with him anymore, I probably should have asked more about what happened to make her not feel safe. She asked if she can sleep at ours for the night. Before I could even say anything DH jumped in and said no. I would probably have said yes as we have enough room. I told her I’d speak to DH and gave her some money to get a coffee with in the meantime, I told her to text me with what coffee shop she’s in and then once I’m dressed and once I’ve spoken to DH I’ll come and get a coffee with her and check she’s ok. She’s now texted me with what coffee shop she’s in but my DH is telling me not to go as I apparently “shouldn’t get involved”. There’s no way he’ll let her sleep here tonight if he doesn’t even want me to go to a coffee shop with her and check she’s ok. What do I do? Aibu to think DH is in the wrong here and is being insensitive to her?

What a horrible worldview you have

Have you not read the many posts from MN, where they won't even answer the door?

One very recently where a neighbours small child was injured. Loads of not your problem OP, they can sort themselves out, your home, your safe haven. You don't need to ever answer the door.

So strange when it's a man saying no, it's oh so different!

@IndiaDreamer I’m pretty new here so no I haven’t and I think that’s bloody weird too. Are you some kind of MRA?

What a prick he sounds

it really is that simple

What's an MRA?

Someone who uses devices such as moving the goalposts and twisting other peoples words to make a point. For example, 100 women post about a choice they make - eg 'I don't answer the door after 9pm'. That then gets used as 'evidence' that OP's DH is being reasonable in this situation.
Its tedious.

I predict she will be there for weeks and your DH will have had his objection to inviting someone to stay completely ignored - not nice.

Man's rights movement.
Basically if you don't agree with women here and don't hate men enough, you must surely be MRA or "trying to be cool wife" and "handmaiden"🤷🏻 Because it's fine to insult and demean women for opinions not fitting into "sisterhood". Sisterhood, innit.

I am surprised that on a site full of past trauma, no one thought about that's a possibility for the extreme reaction and why his family didn't tell him to bugger of back and apologise? Because there might be past trauma but not really his story to tell. Lots of people simply don't or can't talk about what happened so end up in "not doing that" "why?!" "Just not doing that" "but why?!" infinite circle.

Yeah he can just be simply a twat and op should get rid, or he could be someone who has reaaons for the reaction and has been turfed of own home, his wishes ignored, and is now widely acused of being abuser himself.

Op has gone quiet, maybe she's had enough of the general bitchiness on here and tbh I don't blame her. She might think her dh is a twat but she won't necessarily want to hear it from randoms.
Maybe things aren't moving forward and she realises she's bitten off more than she can chew. Who knows what is happening? I hope this is going to work out in a positive way for all concerned and I wouldn't blame op if she's hidden this thread. I personally would find it hard to come back after reading some of the posts on here. My dh slagged into the ground, my dc involved, my colleague and her dc in the fact they are under my roof and any potential fall out.
Op might have had enough of it but if she comes back and gives the merest indication it's not going well, plenty of pp on here will throw her under a bus.
Rock and a hard place.

@Bubblebubblebah thanks for that! Not sure I'm a cool wife, but yeah I like/love lots of men (and women).

I think you are doing a really kind thing and I applaud you for it. I have been that woman fleeing from my home ( with 3 children) and thank God my brother offered us shelter because I was desperate, my (now ex) husband was psychotic as a result of drug taking and threatened me with a knife. Thank God for people like you with compassion and kindness in your heart.

Your brother..... not a colleague?

Not the same scenario!

You have been a kind and thoughtful friend to your colleague. She obviously thought she could trust you and could turn to you for help & support. Your husband's reaction is strange and concerning. Maybe it's just that he didn't feel comfortable in case her husband came round and caused a problem. It's hard for you to witness your husband showing an unpleasant side to his character, and then following this up with threatening texts to you as well. Has there been incidents in his past that your colleague turning up triggered in him? I did fleetingly consider that maybe your husband 'knew' your colleague and it was a complex situation. You have advised your colleague well, I hope she gets the help & support she needs to get resettled with her child. Well done to you for supporting her.

Op that’s so kind of you to ensure she’s over the initial shock and made essential contact with police, women’s aid. Please support her to present herself as homeless to the county council next. A letter from you stating you won’t be able to accommodate her after x date should be enough.

im very shocked by your DHs abnormal reaction and threatening texts. It seems such nasty behaviour amid a serious emergency. How would he feel if it was DHs mum or sister seeking emergency help from a work colleague? I would struggle to understand his reaction and it would lower my opinion of him. I’m not sure if he could redeem himself.

It's a colleague, not a friend.

this has made it to the daily mail, which I hope doesn't jeapordise the colleague's safety.. Couldn't they have picked a different thread??

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11768665/My-husband-refused-let-friend-child-stay-partner-kicked-out.html

Oh Well, never getting an update now. Thanks DM.
OP, hope all is going well.

That's the risk you take when posting on MN.

It’s horrific that they’ve chosen a story about a woman fleeing a dangerous man. Utter cunts.

The OP may not have changed any detail, which would be out of her hands, thus the woman and her child could be identifiable by the man she fled.

It could also be a load of made up bullshit, but we cannot presume that so have to presume they’ve endangered a woman for clicks. Again, cunts.

It was unlikely there would be an update as I said in my previous thread.

Any update OP?

OP husband abusive? Because he didnt want a complete stranger staying in his home? Absolutely not. In fact, i dont even think that makes him an AH. He does not know her, her husband, her life, anything at all about her.

Except she is not a stranger.

She is to be fair to the rest of the family.

Except she is to the husband