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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

On holiday and Annoyed!

348 replies

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:04

First day of holiday today and had an altercation with another guest. I have never had an argument with a stranger before so feeling a little deflated and upset. DH as usual totally dismissed my feelings and told me to just” get over it”. This other guest kept looking over our table disgusted a few times. First I thought my child was being noisy (toddler) so I told him to be quiet which he did, second time he was sucking a slice of lemon which I think is fine as he likes it and she was shouting something in another language with her family and screwing her nose and mouth at my toddler.

I was sitting opposite her on table behind so she was directly in my eyeline. Husband was sitting on the right opposite my son so no one on the seat directly infront of me so I could see her every reaction. I avoided looking at her at this point and just kept interacting with my son. Once we got up to move she was being very obvious by pointing and shouting and her whole family (3 kids and husband) were turning around looking at our table. My DH pretended he didn’t notice this and proceeded walking outside with our son I stayed back to pack his beaker etc. I then asked her if everything okay and if we did something to upset her she started yelling in English now saying it’s bad for the environment to waste food. My son and myself had eaten our food but husband had some left in his plate which she wouldn’t have seen till he got up to leave. I told her it’s not her business and she said I was destroying the planet and should be ashamed! I wish I had asked her what’s worse for the planet having 3 kids or wasting food but I obviously didn’t say it’s not nice. I was really upset and embarrassed as other guests were looking my way.

What would you have done? We have to spend next 6 days here. I’m really annoyed at this woman. It’s a small resort and we can’t go out so I will be bumping into her at every meal time. Only one restaurant here too.

OP posts:
Youwhatnowbiggles · 14/02/2023 16:47

A friend was once having a meal with her children in France - a French lady came past her table on the way out and hissed with venom “you’re children are feral and disgusting”. To be fair her kids were never the best behaved but still….. my friend just laughed, shrugged and said “well, at least their mine not yours eh”🤷🏼‍♀️. Please do ignore her.

FlissyPaps · 14/02/2023 16:47

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:08

my DH keeps saying I shouldn’t be upset and he’s getting angry that I’m letting a stranger spoil our holiday.

I’m with your DH on this one.

Please don’t let a stranger ruin your holiday. Please try and forget about it.

Ignore her. If you bump into her. Blank her. Don’t give her the time of day. If she speaks or shouts at your again just ignore. Do not retaliate. Move away.

If she harasses you, tell the hotel/resort security or reception staff.

She’s the one that should be embarrassed. Not you.

LikeSpinningPlates · 14/02/2023 16:47

She was trying to provoke you. I would have probably asked her what was wrong the same way you did OP. Also like you it would play on my mind. And DH would be saying the same to me about forgetting it. But if we were able to do that, we wouldn’t be mentioning it in the first place, would we?

The two best suggestions so far are a) alert the hotel management so that if she escalates it is clear the problem started with her. b) have your phone at the ready, fully charged and record her if she so much as looks at you again.

The nasty piece of work. I think if you take some action and have a plan it might get rid of some of the frustration/thoughts going round in circles.

If the management are not 100% helpful come back and tell us which hotel it is and I for one will boycott it. I’m sure others will too.

girlfriend44 · 14/02/2023 16:48

Ignore her.

SchoolTripDrama · 14/02/2023 16:49

YesitsBess · 14/02/2023 15:07

Flick peas at her during meal times. Constantly.

Train toddler to do same.

There is no engagement with people like this so I'm afraid it's pea war. 😎

Well that's not teaching your child how to behave is it? Confused

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 14/02/2023 16:50

Her poor family- the embarrassment -and they have to go home with her after the holiday.

I bet her neighbours are celebrating this week. :)

Your DH is right in one way though - please don't allow her to spoil a moment.
She really deserves not a moment's thought. Enjoy your holiday to spite her!

(If she stares again - please do feel entitled to scrape all leftovers on to a plate and leave it with her as you leave... but perhaps take pity on her children and don't!)

bellac11 · 14/02/2023 16:53

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:22

Thank you everyone so much x

going to dinner soon. Feel a little butterflies in my tummy lol!

Always remember that when people act like this in public, people are looking and thinking bad things about her, not you

Im reluctant to say there would have been a racist element to her behaviour because I know that might be coming from my own (possibly racist) assumptions that some europeans are racist toward those of colour, but I cant help but think this will have contributed to it

Therefore you hold your head high and enjoy your dinner. And remember leave loads of it on your plate as well!

TeddybearBaby · 14/02/2023 16:53

Make the most of your holiday, bet you’ve been looking forward to it and spent a lot of money getting there. Don’t give this woman the power to control your mood. You’ve nothing to be embarrassed about. Rise above it, her nonsense isn’t for you to worry about, let her stare, she’s supposed to be on holiday, silly woman! X

YesitsBess · 14/02/2023 16:55

SchoolTripDrama · 14/02/2023 16:49

Well that's not teaching your child how to behave is it? Confused

Depends how good their aim is in the first instance. I agree though, further guidance/target practice may be required.

bellac11 · 14/02/2023 16:58

YesitsBess · 14/02/2023 16:55

Depends how good their aim is in the first instance. I agree though, further guidance/target practice may be required.

Well you make it sound easy but there would need to be a lot of pea practice.

And at moving targets too, its quite difficult.

DemonHost · 14/02/2023 17:03

If I was at a table near you both I would have at least reported the ghastly racist myself, hope someone sorts her out. I would have been fuming for you but yes do take the high ground - she has made herself look so awful and you should be proud of yourself for speaking to her. Now relax and enjoy as best you can.

Bagsandbabies · 14/02/2023 17:11

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 14/02/2023 16:43

I'm with your DH, you're giving this weirdo headspace instead of shrugging it off. You're allowing her rude behaviour to mess up a nice day when the sensible response would be to roll your eyes and ignore her.

Who cares what she thinks? I can understand your DH's frustration.

Agree with this.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/02/2023 17:14

We once saw a similar issue at a ski chalet.
I'd completely ignore it, but if she starts on you again, I'd get my iPhone out and film her doing it. It will probably stop her in her tracks and you have something to show management to get them to keep you on other sides of the room at meal times.
Try not to let this woman ruin your holiday.
She sounds like she has problems of her own to deal with.

midsomermurderess · 14/02/2023 17:14

Stay away from loons, it’s about all you can do. Or laugh. Not a tinkly one, a proper laugh.

Greenpolkadot · 14/02/2023 17:15

My husband would have had a word with her,,i wouldnt get a look in

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/02/2023 17:15

She sounds batshit and frankly like someone determined to find a problem no matter what you do or who you are.

Have a fantastic time, make sure you're smiling and laughing any time she sees you, do not give her the satsifaction of letting her horrible behaviour get to you.

AnyOldThings · 14/02/2023 17:20

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:22

Thank you everyone so much x

going to dinner soon. Feel a little butterflies in my tummy lol!

If you encounter this batshit behaviour again, apply holiday mode. This is the setting where you realise you’ll never see these people again in your life so what they think doesn’t matter. This also allows you to meet batshit with a little crazy. I’d use this opportunity to yell at her to shut the fuck up or something equally out of character for me. After all, holidays are for a little adventure 😂

Bluekerfuffle · 14/02/2023 17:27

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:59

What did the rest of her table do?

the husband was quiet and her kids (teenagers) also were quiet

This reminds of an incident years ago. I was at lunch with a friend and a woman, sitting with a man, kept glaring at my friend and muttering things, while the man she was with didn’t look round once and was quiet. When they left she called my friend something derogatory and was lead out by the embarrassed looking man. They got out of sight for a few seconds and then she came running back to shout something else before he grabbed her and marched her off. The waiter later explained to us that she was mentally ill and had done this to people before. Could be this woman is too. I would try and sit as far away as possible from her in the dining room and she will probably start on someone closer to her next time.

Climbles · 14/02/2023 17:29

She might be having an ‘episode’ but I guess by the rest of the families reaction that she is always like that. She could be a disgusting racist or just weird. Either way just feel sorry for her long suffering kids and try to avoid. I’m sorry you have to have a shadow cast over your holiday. I hate confrontation and would feel exactly the same.

Jimboscott0115 · 14/02/2023 17:30

Not good OP but don't let it ruin your holiday as you haven't done anything wrong.

In terms.of handling this kind of situation, in fact any confrontation where the other persyis being an idiot - I always find laughing does the trick. Just look at them, laugh and roll your eyes and walk away. There's literally no comeback from that.

FrostieBoabby · 14/02/2023 17:31

They sound bonkers. Get your sweet revenge by dressing up and confidently power strut in to that restaurant showing them no fucks were given (even if you really feel terrified!).

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/02/2023 17:31

Her poor family were probably just glad that you were the target of her ire and not them. Sit with your back to her and make sure your husband is sitting where he can see her.

MaydinEssex · 14/02/2023 17:32

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:11

Do I need to feel embarrassed? Would you have left it as my DH is saying or would you have asked her what was wrong like I did?

No, you definitely shouldn't feel embarrassed. You didn't do anything wrong. The woman sounds very argumentative, I bet you won't be the only one she gets into a row with on this holiday! Try to forget it and enjoy the rest of your holiday, please don't let her spoil it.

Foodieasfuck · 14/02/2023 17:36

You’ve done nothing wrong! She sounds bonkers..
Don't let her spoil the rest of your holiday..
Enjoy your time with your family.
Im sorry this has happened to you 🤦‍♀️

DragonsFurry · 14/02/2023 17:46

Oh how awful OP, it does sound like racism tbh and this is unacceptable. I would have a quiet word with the management about their antisocial behaviour and ask for staff to be close at mealtimes etc just in case then avoid the woman and her family as much as possible.

Try not to let it get to you and enjoy the holiday as much as you can.